Honestly going to a gay bar alone has always been one of my biggest fears, i've always had plenty of friends who would go with me but they never actually do. I really don't suggest going alone but are bar's in Portland may be scarier then youres, i have no clue. I really do think there are better places to meet gay guys then the local gay bars though... I do drink but i honestly hate bars, I'm probably going to go again but it will be together in a large group lol, if i meet anyone we will have to set up a date at a later time....
Then thing about going to a gay bar with somebody is hard when you're still in the closet.And what Joey and Paul said about places changing day to day and day to evening is true. Onetime at the tale end of my drinking,I ended up going to a bathhouse that on that particular evening was Indonesian Night.There I was a 6'2" white guy in a towel surrounded by hundreds of 5' tall men who,in my drunken state couldn't speak English.No connections I left unfulfilled. Earlier in my life and research into my sexuality I went to several gay bars.Some I felt like a stranger in a strange land,and at one with the right blend of alcohol and stupidity enabled me to for a first and only time to do a guy anally. Both things not to be recommended,but it is what happened to me.:icon_redf
I am amazed at how many posts were so strongly negative to the idea of going alone to a gay bar. Putting aside whether I might be bored, I would not think twice about going to a straight bar. Safety issues would never come into my mind (obviously I would not go to those in bad parts of town). Why do you think there were so many negative reactions? Is it because of a lack of familiarity with them because not many people have been to one or is it something more?
For me, I've just never been to a bar, straight or gay. So probably a bit of unfamiliarity, mixed with a hint of paranoia I seem to have about everything (but only a hint).
Well... in terms of the concerns over personal safety, some people here can be a bit... uhm... let's say pessimistic. Reactionary? Prone to buy stereotypes? Uptight? I dunno--maybe if you're underage the whole notion of a gay bar, or a bar period, is just really freaky. I suppose I had somewhat similar concerns when I was coming out but basically to me (now) it just seems like internalised homophobia. Basically if you believe the stereotype that gay men are predatory, then that's all you'll see happening at gay bars, especially if you're younger and more likely to be a target of unwanted attention because of your youth. I believe you expressed pretty clear discomfort at being checked out. If you were with a group of people, chances are that feeling would be lessened. In a straight bar, the dynamics are totally different. Women in straight bars have to watch out for the same things as gay guys in gay bars. In straight land, women are, to put it crudely, "prey." I.e. men have to convince women to be wooed. In a gay bar, everyone's on more equal footing... well at least in terms of gender. So it basically plays into that notion that men are more likely to prey on people than women. I'm sure, though, that there are lesbians who you need to look out for if you're a fellow lesbian. As for my objection to going alone, it's not based on notions of safety; it's much more that I just don't like being on my own in a place where socialising is kinda the point. And I don't drink except when I'm partying (i.e. I don't drink alcohol at dinner or just randomly) and I don't like to party alone, so therefore going to a bar on my own just seems pointless. I also don't like dancing alone. So if you don't like dancing and drinking alone, then a bar would be pointless. So maybe part of the reaction against going alone is based on that.
Hmmm...it's not just a 'gaybar' thing, but I prefer to be with other people whenever I go out somewhere drinking/dancing. I just think it's easier to meet other people and to have fun if you have other people with you. I've been to Mars (gay club in Adelaide) a few times with friends. The club picks up around 1-2am, the place gets pretty packed & everyone's dancing & having a blast it probably wouldn't matter if you're alone. I think it's just a mater of getting your timing right. Too early and the place is quiet and it'd be a bit awkward being alone. But at the moment I'd prefer to go along with other people. As for personal safety, I haven't sensed any potential danger for those who might be there alone. There are security staff in the shadows keeping an eye on everyone, but I have't seen any trouble there yet.
Hm~ I am going to Okama bar alone before. This is like gay bar in Japan. It is not so bad. But I am thinking same as other person. It is good going with other person to be safe.
I have never been that keen on going to bars, gay or straight, on my own mainly because of the likelihood of remaining on my own. A lot of these places have their regulars in their groups which may not be too welcoming of a newbie. In the straight world, bars that are part of hotels etc are better because many people there are "new" too (guests at the hotel) and often on their own, but that doesn't work for us. Markie (my partner) doesn't like pubs and clubs at all (plus he works evenings) so there is no chance of dragging him along. Fortunately one of the two gay guys I work with goes to our local gay pub (The Black Lion) regularly so I can go when he is there, knowing there will be at least one person I know and who can introduce me to his mates. Also a single gay friend is moving back into this area, he likes the place but also doesn't like going on his own, so we'll be going together sometimes once he is settled. Do you have one or two females friend that you are out to, and could ask to accompany you? Some straight girls and ladies like gay bars and clubs because they feel safe there (guys aren't going to hit on them, and they can admire the talent). Two would be good because you won't then look like a boy-girl couple that have wandered into the wrong place.
I have to assume it's lack of experience. I've been to 3 different gay bars - one of them by myself. I was sort of dissappointed that I wasn't hit on! The other places felt very much like a straight bar - but they were full of men. No big deal really. One was busier than the other, and it was smaller, so you would be more likely to talk to someone in the busier place. You'd be forced to stand closer to other people, and wouldn't feel as 'alone' as you might in some other places... But going with friends is always going to be way more fun!
Hm~ I do not like going to straight bar alone to. But I am very short. Need some person to look over head of people and tell me where I am going. Hehe~
Hmmm everyone shouldn't make such a bad deal out of it! Gaybars are perfectly safe and im sure you'd have a great time there! Don't scare the guy! Just go and have fun! And always use a condom
Let me think. People go to sports bars because they like..............Sports. People go to darts bars because they like..............Darts. People go to Karaoke bars because they like to.........Sing. People go to gay bars because they like.....Gay Guys/Girls
