Did anyone have crushes on girls and pursue girls and wanting a girlfriend, marriage, and family before they realized they were gay or anything like that? I worry my childhood and teenage crushes and behaviors were a result of heteronormativity and comphet
I was brought up that it was the norm to get married and have kids. I always wanted that. I could never see myself with a guy? I questioned this when I was young/teen. I didn't find guys appealing and still dont. Being gay wasn't a really well known thing when I was growing up. I did have crushes on older women - teachers, friends relatives etc. I was told to gets boyfriend by my family... I ended up with my childhood friend. I had children but something never seemed right, especially after my second. Our families expected us to get married but I never wanted... Although I have never told them that. I always felt like i was missing something... until I met someone. It changed my life. So I guess I could say yes to your questions...
Did you ever like having sex with guys or found yourself wanting to kiss Them. Or was it never like that?
The guys I kissed weren't very good but I only kissed to get better at it, plus they needed the help. Kissing isn't how I imagine it. It just leads to sex and misses that something. I don't think I ever enjoyed sex - I didn't see the fuss. I have only had sex with one person and it was a guy. I only participated as he wanted it. We broke up at Xmas. I can't say I miss sex.
Interest in guys started at time of puberty, but chalked it up to teen curiosity although I would masturbate to thoughts about doing things with guys or maybe a guy who I got a glimpse of in the locker room. I also developed a keen interest in girls, and through the years had some great times. As time went on, however, my curiosity persisted, and I can recall the first time I purchased a gay magazine (pre-internet) and how turned on I got looking at the pictures. Once the internet came about, I began to explore more and found my interest and arousal with women to wane and only increase more with men. Ultimately took the plunge and met a guy for real, and the rest is history - LOL.
Would you say that your sexuality is fluid? I mean alot of people who identifies a gay never have an interest or good experiences with the other sex. So it sounds like you had at one point?
Can I ask What do you feel when you are attracted to guys? How do you feel it it the body? I ask because I question if I am attracted to guys as well
i am Also curious How does it feel to be attracted to a woman? I am Also doubting about if I am attracted to women. How do you feel when you see an attractive woman or have a crush?
I'm worried that my life of being attracted to women for years has been a lie. All of a sudden I've been questioning and testing myself everyday and it seems that my attraction to women has practically disappeared
I did get diagnosed with ocd, but I never told them about what's going on with the sexual stuff. I also keep thinking to myself that I manipulated my way to get the diagnosis...
I just feel something towards them... I am curious about them and feel drawn to want to know them to... it's like I just know. Sometimes it passes (various reasons). It's only certain types of people for me. I never really thought about it before... it feels different.
I also believe I have a certain type of person I am drawn to... I like more assertive/dominant/independent/not overly masculine by more than feminine type. Maybe it's because I think I am more like that? Maybe it's also the attractive qualities they give off to draw me? Even their voice can be alluring.
I had that worry, but then realized after my gay panic that my attraction to women did not disappear just because I was starting to be attracted to other guys. That is how I came to suspect and eventually accept being bisexual.
