Hi. My birth-assigned gender is male and I know that I identify as female, but I don't want to transition. I'm just wondering, besides dressing in the role you identify with, what else do you do or have you done to feel more comfortable in your own skin. I'd like to hear from you, no matter your gender.
One important thing for me was to find a gender queer friendly therapist and finally my thoughts, feelings, fears, etc., without holding back.
I don't want to transition either (at least it is not in my mind now). I have my private moments when I just let myself be without any agenda. I relax, I do my nails, I try on clothes, I watch my favourites cheese movies and I dance. Feel free, this is all about being yourself.
I grew my hair out, and I sleep in a night dress. I also just refer to myself, in my mind and journal writing and even my morning alarm tag (wake up Girl!) as a girl. I used to paint my nails too but I got too lazy to take it off the same day as I work 6/7 days a week. I'm thinking of getting some earrings too, my ears aren't pierced yet but just dazzling them up would be nice. I've replaced nearly all the jeans in my cupboard with ladies denims and no one knows the difference really. I just like the fit and feel.
What I did to feel comfortable in my skin was to medically transition. I have taken hormones for about three decades and I had my facial hair removed (expensive and painful). I dress comfortably which usually means loose cotton skirts and tops or a dress (emphasis on it being cotton and loose). I have longer hair but do not shave my legs or underarms and I rarely wear makeup. My legal name is one that is feminine and when people meet me they assume that I am an older straight cis woman (especially now that I am dating a cis male).
Clothes definitely help. I tend to wear dresses or skirts now except when I have to present as male, either for work or if my stepson is here. And I've stopped wearing male underwear full stop - it just feels 'wrong' these days. I do paint my nails occasionally and wear make up if I'm meeting up with friends whom I'm out to. Of course, with lockdown the opportunities for the latter aren't that plentiful at the moment...
Thanks for your thoughts. It seems like I'm already doing all that I could possibly do. I do dress more feminine in my home, though not as much as I would like. My wife is very accepting of me, but I would still feel self-conscious wearing a dress around her. I love to dance too. It's a great stress reliever and it feels great! QuietPeace, I'm happy you were able to transition. You seem to be really happy. I'm sorry if I seem unnatural or odd. I actually feel really nervous. I've been wanting to post on here for a LONG time and I've finally worked up the courage. So this is really new and a bit scary for me.
Thank you for sharing this. I feel like I am in the same situation as you. I have only shared this with my wife. She is accepting, but I still feel very nervous dressing when she is around. I love wearing a night gown to bed and knee high boots and a pencil skirt during the day. I rarely wear mens underwear and all my jeans are skinny jeans. I love the colder months because I can wear a bra all day and nobody notices. It is good to hear that I am not alone in these feelings and actions.
I like the feel of tights, pantyhose and stockings. Wearing heels makes me feel good too. I'm a gay man, with a strong feminine streak, I'm not camp or prissy. It just makes me feel good.
Good for you for doing this! Coming out to yourself and accepting yourself is so hard. For me it was over 40 years of denial and lying to myself until last year when I finally faced up to the truth that I've always been trans.
You're lucky. My wife is very supportive but she has drawn the line at things like sexy lingerie and high heels. There are some things she wants to be the only one to wear. She's also afraid I might look better or more feminine than her, as if that's possible. I'm happy that you're dressing the way you enjoy. I know the feeling. Leggings too. There's just something so irresistible about them. I hear you. I wish I had admitted it sooner. I had to be in therapy for a while before I could. How did you come to realize your true self?
Guess I kinda knew, when I was 5. My mum has a pair of purple high heels, that I became quite fixated about.
My wife will not let me wear any of her clothes and she has commented that my underwear drawer looks better than hers.
The catalyst for me was what happened last year. I lost my (female) partner very suddenly in February. Then within a few weeks we were locked down. It's hard to overstate just how shattering those weeks were for me. Overnight my whole world had fallen apart. But being alone and isolated forced me to be really honest with myself. A whole load of submerged and semi-buried feelings that I had long dismissed as inconvenient reared themselves up again. One night in May it hit me like a thunderbolt - yes I am transgender. The idea was utterly terrifying, but also thrilling. And it meant that a lot of things in my life suddenly made sense. After that I very gradually began the process of coming out. A rubicon was crossed the first time a friend used my name - Beth. The feeling of joy and ecstasy I felt was unlike anything I have ever experienced. I couldn't stop smiling! That in itself told me everything I needed to know - that this is real and that I am a trans woman.
lol I know the feeling. After I came out to my wife, she held me for a change and in that, I felt accepted for who I was. My heart just lit up and my body was buzzing. I felt alive for the first time in my life. I'm happy you got to experience something similar.