For a long time I suspected my younger 17yo brother liked crossdressing after catching him wearing our mother’s bra, but today I saw a page of his on a social media site where he has been posting about being a “sissy” under a female name, with some very explicit written material, as well as sharing posts about being transgender. I’m gay and have friends of all kinds of sexualities and gender identities, so I’m not unfamiliar with all this but it has come as a shock to be honest, to see proof that I was right and to see the explicitness of what’s being posted. Now, I’m very aware that I shouldn’t have seen that stuff and that it’s his right to come out or not when and as he likes (something which I was denied). I’m also aware that it could be just a sexual thing and not indicative of his sexuality at all. I don’t have all the information clearly. I want to help, to let him know that I know and that I’m there for him - I’ve told him this before! - but I don’t know what to do. Should I keep an eye on him? Be supportive generally? I’m probably going to mess the wording up and I’m definitely not thinking straight exactly so I’m sorry if I’m getting things wrong or explaining badly. Thank you in advance for whatever help and advice you can give.
If you saw it posted on social media, then that seems like a valid conversation opener. But otherwise I think you are correct, it is up to him to raise it with you, but you can keep an eye on him to sense his mood and health. Keep letting him know you are there for him.
I wouldn't tell him what you found - while he is posting it online, in some ways, seeking his information out might be seen as an invasion of his privacy. Like you said, he should be able to come out when and how he chooses. If you want to say anything in the meantime, I would limit it to generally supportive things about LGBT people generally and trans people in particular.
If you came across his social media by accident then that might be ok to just mention it and ask if its true and if so just let him know you're there for him and support him and leave it at that. If you looked for it then I probably wouldn't say anything as he might think you were tracking him.
Keep letting him know your always there for him and maybe keep an eye on him. He might be working up the courage to tell you what he's dealing with but hasn't gotten there yet. Just keep supporting him and loving him. That's all he really needs.
How did you come across his social media messages? If it is any way other than spying on him it is pretty public and therefore valid for you to have seen. If you were spying on his activity then I would just be very supportive. You could ask him to come with you to Pride (in June) or say something about national coming out day when that comes around.
The best thing that you can do is lead by example. If you want him to feel comfortable about talking about so many personal things, then you have to be comfortable with the exact same thing to let him know that is fine to bring this up and come up for advice. So, if you have friends who are trans maybe invite them over to have dinner or make a movie night and invite your brother as well. Talk about a time that maybe you enjoyed crossdressing or thought about doing it. Even if its just for drag. Also, start looking for transphobic language in your house. If you see a show that made a joke at the expense of trans people then say so. Complain loudly. If your mom/dad say something then make sure to make it a point to stop it. Show them that this is a safe space. Make them feel it. Only then will they feel comfortable talking to you about certain stuff.
Thanks guys, really appreciate it. I came by his social media because my brother didn’t close the tabs on his laptop quick enough and I saw the name he was going under. Unfortunate accident rather than snooping. The pics on there are definitely him. For the time being, I’ll stick to just being supportive. I worked pretty hard on changing my parents’ attitudes for years and they’re supportive now.