The back story, my wife is trying to come out ish? I've posted in other parts of this forum looking for advice and while talking about it a question popped to mind. She's looking to start seeing women but we're also not looking to separate. ( We both know that's where things could lead, but we'd like to try other options first.) So my question is about acceptance. Would you ( the hypothetical you) be ok dating a women that's married with kids. Is this very common? accepted? To be clear i'm not talking about a shared gf or poly or anything like that. I'm just wondering how she'd be accepted.
It would be a no from me as I would want someone all to myself, for me I can’t see it working and people will just get hurt. She might have more luck finding someone who is married and also in an open relationship or someone who is poly or looking for something casual. I read your other post and liked that you were open to your wife exploring this side of her but keep talking with her about what you both want out of your marriage and what would be a deal breaker etc
Thanks for the feed back, this forum has by far been the most responsive and helpful. And no worries about keeping communication going, we've just decided to be completely open with each other and neither of us wants to make the other unhappy. I figure this is the best spot to be at.
I personally wouldn't want to date someone in an open relationship, but I know people who would. There are other people out there who are in polyamorous or open relationships, so I'm sure she'll be able to find someone.
It would be a definite yes! I actually really like the idea of dating a woman who is married and has kids. Especially if she has a kind and supportive husband! We could all be a big happy family!
Thanks for the positive vibes tho at this time I'm not really looking for a big happy family! lol maybe in time but right now i'm just wanting my wife to have someone to be herself with and hopefully is cool with me.
Sorry I'm a bit over-enthusiastic right now because the woman I'm into is married and I'm hoping she's into me too. I just meant it'd be cool if everyone could get along.
I wouldn’t. I’m a pretty monogamous person, so if I’m going to be with another woman, we’re going to be together 100% or not at all. But that’s just my personal preference; I’m cool with whatever others want to do in their relationships
I was in a poly relationship when I thought I was bi. It worked well. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t built for it, I worried a lot about making everyone happy and I was running myself ragged. When I started realizing I was gay it didn’t work so well. She lived away and my husband and I no longer were intimate together. I started wanting more in a primary relationship. I ended my relationship with her in The fall and my husband and I have been slowly changing our relationship over the past year. We have two young kids so we plan on living together even after we divorce. Eventually I may look for a relationship, when I do I’m sure it will be difficult with my situation, but I will want a monagamous relationship, done with poly. I know will be still living with my husband but that’s a friendship now. So I would want to be with a woman who isn’t with someone else.
Mabel thank you for responding, I can see a lot of possible similarities between what happen for you and what could be happening in my life. Do you have any advice? When you realized you where gay was there any possibility for you two to stayed together?
Even though my situation is similar it is comprised of different people. So it’s really hard to compare. Every couple is different and every individual is different. My husband and I are best friends. We work well together. Our arrangement will be same house separate rooms. Our reasons are financial and lack of any other familial support in our area. We have to stay in a good school system because our youngest has special needs. Our oldest has anxiety disorder as well. So as far as managing all that fiscally and emotionally it’s really just more practical to live together. As far as our marriage? Well here is the reality, we are both monagamous in nature, which means when we are ready to date we will be looking for partners who are also monagamous, and you can’t find that easily if you are married. Unless you were to find another poly couple, which neither of us want. So sharing a household will probably only happen until one of us finds a partner that jives. I’m not going to make a single monagamous woman wait until my kids graduate if she is someone that I want to be more serious with. After being suppressed and closeted for so many years I ultimately want to live my life the way I was meant to, that’s so very important to me. So it isn’t feasible for us to stay married and together long term. That being said the longer we can keep our family unit together the better. So much really depends in the dynamic with the partners we will eventually find. Our choices regarding how we live will be fluid in that respect, but if there are additional partners in the mix it will give us more financial and emotional/ physical support to care for the kids in the way that we need to while maintaining separate households. So we are kind of taking it day by day. It isn’t your typical staying together for the kids though...because I won’t be closeted and my oldest knows I’m gay and we are working towards telling my youngest. We are also in the process of telling friends and family as well. It’s important to us that their is no elephant in the room and that we live honestly as a family. What kind of advice are you looking for. We did successfully pull off poly before I knew I was gay so I know a little about that balance etc. it sounds like you won’t be having a romantic intimate relationship with your wife though?? How is she feeling about all this?
I don't really know whether I'm gay or bi but I voted anyway I would date a woman in an open marriage if I really loved her and it would be nice to have a big happy family like GlassWalls said I'd be happy as l monogamous or polyamorous, it would depend on what my partner was comfortable with and whether or not she was willing to try it, if that makes sense. Either way is cool.
Oh no no, I'm hoping to keep romantic intimate relations with my wife, and to be honest I'm not exactly sure of what poly means. I'm going to go google it Ok back! I'm having to learn new vocab for my new life. So I'm actually not talking about poly unless it happens on it's own down the road. We tried something like that awhile back... kinda ish? Didn't work out, but I think I learned enough to be in a better spot if it happened again. But I'm really not looking for poly for two reasons, one I don't have the heart for it right now and two I don't think it would be enough independants for my wife. I'd like to be friends with her gf but i'm fine if that's where it stays. I guess the advice I'm looking for is similar to poly advice, keeping co relationships happy.