When I went to a gay teen chat room, this guy pm'd me to chat and his first question was "are you a top or a bottom?"...I was like, "neither?" and he said "haven't you had sex yet?" It seems like everyone I meet is obsessed with sex, but are there gay people out there who desire a romantic relationship without sex?
Yes! There are gays who desire a romantic relationship! I'm one of them. However, I do know what you mean. It seems like you can't start a conversation with a guy without some kind of sexual innuendo. It's kind of disappointing actually . Don't give up hope though!
Well a lot of gay chat sites have taken to being really sex related. A lot of people just go to those sites for online sexual encounters or whatnot. I don't think that's for every gay person, obviously. There are some of us out there that want a loving romantic relationship but you just have to find them. Chances are those kinds of sites will have very few.
I know of such sites, and one in particular I'm certainly more familiar with than the rest has depressingly few people after a serious relationship. There are definitely those times that I am on the 'Net and think to myself, "I have got to be the only one that isn't too interested in random sexual innuendo." Of course, I tend to naturally flow against the horde (just read some of my other posts...), but I'm glad to see others who are interested in an actual romantic relationship. :O
Human beings in general are rather obsessed with sex. That's not to say, though, that the majority of humans want sex, and don't really want a relationship. The LGBT community is the same way. We might be skewed more towards sex (or at least it appears that way due to the fact that the loud ones tend to be the obsessed ones) but there is still a very large portion of the community that are not overly obsessed with sex. Case in point: all the posters above me, and myself. (Of course, you can also get those people who are obsessed with sex and in a loving romantic relationship: i.e. Dan Savage)
Like everyone said there is very few people that are ONLY about sex. The reason why you see SO many young gay teens online only talk about sex its because, well, that's the only reason why they go to those sites. They have friends, websites and people for everything else, so they only go to those chat rooms for one thing. Doesn't mean that is all they are about, but at that very moment yeah that's probably what you are going to encounter, but it is of course not the rule. Take online places like EC for example. Most of the people on here are very much into having stable relationships and less likely to be here for hook ups. Why? Not because they are better gay people, but because the website allows for people to come here and talk about much more than just issues about sex. Try to talk to some people around here and you'll see. Even better, stick around and get access to the chat room. Its pretty much one of the very few places online where you won't encounter messages like the ones you mentioned. Keep that in mind because its something that also happens in real life
Gay subculture probably is more sexualized than straight subculture. There are several reasons for this. Some are historical, for the past several centuries it's been illegal have homosexual sex, let alone relationships, so queer people tended to not be able to have actual relationships. This was compacted with a social environment that said same-sex relationships were impossible. A lot of gay people internalized this and didn't realize it was possible to have a romantic relationship. These are historical factors that are no longer true, but they were prevalent as gay subculture formed and they remain within the culture for that reason. Another is that IDing as gay is a sexual identity. There's a similar problem in the BDSM community (I've heard) where people wanting relationships with a kinky aspect have trouble finding someone that doesn't want a kinky one-night stand or fuckbuddy arrangement.
Others have already said most of what I'd say, but here are a couple other thoughts: One of the things that makes EC so different from other communities is that we make it very clear that this community *isn't* about hookups. And, sadly, that sets us apart from almost every other gay teen community out there. From what I've heard from many teens I've spoken to, most of the other sites are completely overrun with creepers and pedophiles, to the point where it can be almost impossible to have a decent conversation without it turning into sex talk. So yes, there are plenty of gay guys that don't have sex as the first and foremost thing on their minds, who want to make friendships and aren't obsessed with sex or naked pics or anything of the sort. But they tend to get lost in the shuffle, or disgusted with the sites such as the one you mentioned and simply stick to themselves. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Taking your time, holding onto your virginity until you're ready to make a change, and having so-called "old fashioned" values about loving someone and about having healthy friendships... is perfectly normal and healthy.
I guess that's one of the reasons I found EC on the internet. It's hard to find a decent normal conversations on those online 'dating' sites. If being gay is a minority then the relationship types of gays are even more minority. *SIGH* Why can't I find a boyfriend? @topic: I'm one of the relationship type gays and I'm still single and desperate too have a relationship. But I'm still young and I know I'm gonna find my precious soul mate.
I don't think it has anything to do with being gay. There are a fare share of people who are only interested in sex but there are just as many if not more who look for a relationship. @Liam I think the only reason for it being more sexualized, is due the MALE part not due the GAY part. If straight men could get action just as easy, they would be having just as much casual sex.
^ this. Women are generally not 24/7 horny like men are. If we were all bisexual and there was no negative stigma to having sex 'on the side'/FWB, we'd see a lot of men having casual sex with other men. I personally see that there is more to a relationship than just sex, and really the two should co-exist. Yes, its fun to go around having sex with men/women/whatever you're interested in, but I recall someone on here saying that after a while, doing that makes sex lose its 'shine'.
i dunno guys, if your saying sex and promiscuity is something rare, because in the gay community is pretty common especially amongst the men. relationships and the fairy tale romance is what magic is made of, and sadly we all know magic doesnt exist.