Hey everyone, I am a fairly new user (although I have posted before but shhhh) and I have been kind of wondering about my sexual orientation for a while. For a long time (almost 3 years) I had assumed I was gay (and I still think I am) yet, I am wondering whether I was just led by stereotypes or I truly am a homosexual. For starters, yes, I have been emotionally and physically attracted to males. But, I have noticed a pattern; and it is that all of the people I have been attracted to are fairly young and/or look very feminine(my very first crush was on a girl). All of them are underage and a big majority of them were transitioning trans-men. But still, they are males, and I am male, so I am a homosexual (at least that's my line of thought). I have never been sexually attracted to a vagina (at least as much as I like wieners). But I have never been interested in a muscular macho-man with a beard and and a face that looks like it has been carved by Michelangelo either. In essence my first question is, Does my case still counts as ''being homosexual''? And my second request is How was your ''Figuring it out'' experience? Was it similar to mine? was it different? Did you put a lot of thought to it? Anything goes. ( Don't get me wrong on the ''underage'' thing, I am just 15 year old and the average of the ages of people I have been attracted to is about 15.7.) Thanks a lot and I expect many many replies (By the way I hope I am in the right section :icon_redf)
If you are a male who is emotionally a physically attracted exclusively to other males then you're gay. The fact that you prefer feminine men doesn't mean anything at all regarding your sexual orientation, it just means that you're attracted to femininity. There are plenty of lesbians who like butch women but that doesn't mean that they're not still lesbians! Regarding a "figuring it out" story..., I guess that mine was only a story of acceptance. I kinda had it figured out from an early age that I liked girls (I also exclusively like feminine girls) and that I felt like a guy in a female body. It took about 12 years to totally accept all of it but it was always there.
I agree with gates about your orientation. As for my "figuring it out" story, well it's a long one, I've known I was attracted to men since right around puberty and if I look at the signs I was attracted to men earlier than that I just didn't realize it. For The most part I always pushed my homosexual thoughts into the vault in my head and locked it tight. In middle school I dated a few women cause it was the thing to do with all my peers. Ninth grade came and I did date another girl but she was very butch as far as women go, I dated her for months but we never even kissed though not from lack of trying on my part. That was the first girl I dated that ended up coming out as a lesbian. After that through ninth and tenth grade I ended up dating 3 other girls who ended up being lesbians, lol, plus I had a crush on another girl who was an out lesbian, lol. I used to joke that I was a lesbian trapped in a man's body. What is messed up is walking into school on the first day of eleventh grade there were a few guys I was trying hard not to be attracted to but I thought about coming out as bi so I could check out the guys too. I only let myself think like that cause it was the first year none of my siblings were in school with me. Sadly after thinking about it I realized my little sister would be in school with me the next year so I locked the vault back up tight. For The next few years I pretended to have crushes on some other girls but never asked anyone out again. I lived with my brother for a couple years after school so I kept my thoughts locked up tight then too and for the next few years after that I lived with my best friend and his family But I was so deep in the closet then that it didn't even occur to me to come out. Plus I became addicted to porn for a while so I was confused as hell about what I liked. With all the different stuff online and of coarse the taboo stuff made me think I was far more fucked up than I am. After that I moved to Wisconsin and it was awesome when I was there, I wish I would have realized I wasn't a monster while living there because I had good friends and was always having a good time. And they all knew I was gay without me even coming out. My Nickname was twink, lol, still I just refused to accept myself, I was depressed all the time cause I wasn't being honest with myself and I knew it. I then moved to Michigan cause I thought I needed to be around family. I know I know strange I lived there for another couple years and I started to finally accept the possibility after a while but I was still far too much of a coward to do anything about it. Then I tried to chase my dreams in Tennessee to make music. One of my friends from Florida invited me out there to make music with him cause he wanted a friend with him. He had changed, or I don't know maybe he didn't, maybe I had idealized the idea of getting to Tennessee to chase my dreams and finally start looking for a guy to date that I forgot about his major character flaws. More than likely the latter. Anyways it didn't work out so I came back to Michigan where I currently still am, I am now completely comfortable saying to myself that I am a gay man and have even told my closest friends that I'm gay which is huge for me but I still in the closet with everyone else, I just live in a terrible place to be gay so I just tell everybody that I'm strait but I still act like I want to act cause I won't let them stop me from being happy, I'm just not ready for the world to know yet. Did this satisfy your thirst for knowledge?
Drank a little too much one night, let my walls down, and went home with a girl who I had a crush on for sometime then. Ended up dating for a year and a half and I never looked back. That is my figuring it out experience.
This thread is going as well as I expected. Anyway, I guess its my turn now. My actual very first crush was on a guy, however I was too young to know how to tell appart my feelings, so my brain didnt register it as a crush. He was on the same grade as mine and he was very slim and had long eyelashes. We werent really friends but my class was very small so everyone kinda hanged out with eachother once in a while. Nothing really happened between us since we were just kids, and even if i asked him if he wanted to be in a relationship he would have probablt punched me. Later on, I changed schools and I found an old friend. She was a very small girl (althought she was in 8th grade when I was in 7th) and I kind of felt a little attracted to her the first time I saw her, then it grew stronger until I finally got to the conclusion that I had definitely fallen in love. One day my friends pushed me into talking with her and thats when we met again. It didnt really work out as I wanted it to do, but at least we managed to restablish a great friendship. Now this is where the kind of personal part comes in. Me kinda knowing how this ''feeling'' things work fell into a very strong depression. It all started when I joined a kids yoga class lead my my mother's friend. There, I met a boy named Marcos and I fell into a very strong crush for him. Crushes didn't really frighten me because I am the type of guy that enjoys experiencing new things (especially feelings) but that particular crush rubbed me in the wrong place, becuase at that time I was 13 years old and he was just 10. That lead me to belive that I was a sick pedophile for a good chunk of my early teens. Until I got to the conclusion (until a psychologist got me out of my fake world and brought me back to reality) we were both young and he was inside my age group, so it was natural to have those feelings. Great, everything turned out fine, right? Well not really, even if I got rid of the sick feeling of being a monster of society, I had to deal with the fact that he was another guy. Now, luckily I come from a very open-minded family (althought if you see my previous posts you would see that that openness comes to an end at some point) so what got me really troubled was the thought of what I was (I mean thats what being a teenager is all abuot ). I was wondering on that for a very long time, until it came to a surprisingly abrupt end. Since I was born in an extremely catholic country, I was lead by many stereotypes. I felt like I wasn't really part of the gay community since I didn't behave the way the stereotypical image did. I never got a role model that I could relate to. Until I discovered a character from a webcomic I was reading during that time. He wasn't an inside-the-closet super jock or a feminine lord extravaganza that would hit on everything he saw, he was just an average teenager who happened to like another man. And that is what I really loved about that character; the fact that being gay stops beings a ''lifestyle'' or the entirety of his character, and becomes just another character trait. Thats what helped me realize how innacurate the portrayal of the gay community was on the mainstream media, and how much a really had in common with it. The rest of the story is just me exploiting my newly discovered ability to love another man and trying way too hard to have a boyfriend, althought I must admit, it's pretty hard to find a gay boy around my age who looks femenine and is also a top but not interested in having sex and is not an a-hole for the most part of his day. By the way LostAndAfraid, my story is longer so I win :eusa_danc (im jsut kidding of course)
