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Your Thoughts: Pronouns and More

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by KaelTail, Aug 31, 2015.

  1. KaelTail

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    Just curious to see how others feel on this.

    I identify as transmasculine, and there's a good part of me that's neutrois. I pretty much hate being labeled a "man" or a "woman". "Girl" also feels creepy, but "boy" feels perfect. "Guy" also gives me happy feels, and "dude" is a little weird but acceptable. "Chick" and most other female-associated words are all skin-crawlingly uncomfortable.

    "He" is my preferred pronoun, but it doesn't feel 100% right. "She" is familiar, and I mostly don't notice being called it, but when I stop and think about it I don't like it. "They" feels grammatically incorrect, and keeps making me think of the book "A Child Called It", so I don't think I could get used to it, and "xe", "hir", and all other neutral terms just don't sound like words to me yet, though I'm trying. Also, "Mr." and "Ms." are equally uncomfortable. "Sir" is a little awkward and "ma'am" makes me feel gross.

    Anyone else feel this way? I'd love to hear other experiences, even ones that are different from mine. Also, anyone who wants to put in a theory on why we feel the way we do about pronouns would be interesting.

    I sort of wonder if my preference for "boy" and "guy" reflects my negative mental image of what it means to "be a man". Or maybe I just don't want to grow up! I think there's a certain innocence to "boy" that feels more like where I am mentally. Men seem rough and harsh, whereas boys seem like idealists with that "I can change the world" attitude. I think I've seen Dead Poets' Society too much. XD
     
  2. Matto_Corvo

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    I feel ya.

    Female pronouns are familiar to me and I don't notice it when the pronouns are used, while there are some tines when I'm hyper aware of it and what to say "I'm not a girl."

    I do like male pronouns but to be called a man right now does make me uncomfortable. I am 100% alright with "guy, dude, boy, bro" and am fine with "girl" (in the sense some gay guys call themselves girl even if they not trans). I am not fine with chick and most other female terms, and have never referred to myself as woman. Though I am fine with being called a bitch xD

    They/then pronouns I am actually really comfortable with. But XE/hir/etc I'm not a fan of. (For myself, if someone wants tonuse those I will accept and support that)
     
  3. FrereApothicair

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    I actually feel very similar on the "boy" vs "man" front! I'm glad it's not just me! Feels weird to acknowledge my own adulthood in any gender.
     
  4. Acm

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    I used to feel the same way. I think man just has more masculine, macho type connotations whereas boy and guy are slightly more neutral. I think, especially when one has just started to consciously identify as male, words like that might be more of a shock. I don't have any issue with it any more, although I do think part of my problems with it are also that I feel weird calling myself an adult word. That might just be me though.
     
  5. Oddsocks

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    I really feel you on this! "Man" and "woman" feel like really heavily-loaded gendered words to me, I'm always a little uncomfortable with them being applied to me. I can take "girl" pretty comfortably, generally speaking (although I prefer it if it's 'girls' as part of a group - being a girl by association sits better with me than being identified as 'girl' individually), and my feelings towards 'boy' vary depending on what direction my gender's floating in. Boi with an I though is always awesome, shame it's verbally indistinguishable!

    I occasionally refer to myself as a 'guy', but usually in turns of phrase like 'Not that kind of guy', and I rarely do it in a spoken form because I'm pretty sure people would find that pretty strange coming from me.

    It's getting pretty awkward now that I'm 22, though. I feel like I'm gradually outgrowing 'girl' and 'boy', and all the adult words feel restrictive and unfitting in their own ways. It makes me kind of relieved that I have an absurdly young face and most people read me as teenage at a glance!

    All really loaded feminine words don't sit well with me - lady, ma'am, chick, etc. I had a discussion like this with my girlfriend and discovered that she feels the same way, so it's not an experience limited to those on the neutral-to-masculine spectrum. I think those words just come bundled with so many assumptions and associations in general.

    As for pronouns, I find myself in a kind of similar situation. 'She' is familiar and well-worn, and 90% of the time I don't give it a second thought when someone calls me that. I used to be really comfortable with 'he', but recently my gender took a sharp veer away from maleness and suddenly it doesn't have the appeal it used to.

    "They" is technically perfect, and I'll use it when talking about myself sometimes (otherwise I often end up avoiding a pronoun entirely because calling myself 'her' often feels a bit weird). But when it comes to biting the bullet and changing it in real life, I can't stop feeling like it would sound weird. It changes sentence structure, and while I have no problem at all using the singular they for my various non-binary identified friends and don't feel like it causes a problem, when it comes to people referring to me I feel like it would be awkward.

    So I end up taking 'she' usually - causes least issues, people ask no questions, if people assume I'm 100% a girl then so be it. I think I'd give 'they' a go in a new environment - say, if I went back to college - but I just don't like the idea of the upheaval in what I'm already at least familiar with.

    I'm not big on most other created neutral pronouns (although I respect their usage), with the exception perhaps of xe/xer/xem because it's easiest to pronounce and more or less analogous to 'they'. I had a friend who used xe (or was it ze) for a while and didn't have an issue. Wouldn't use it myself, though!
     
  6. Mischief

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    Even seeing "she/her/girl" makes me feel weird for some reason... I actually am to the point where using it on my friends weirds me out, because I usually use "dude/mate/bro" or, just use their name. I hate the sound of "boy", it makes me sound like I'm immature :lol:

    I've been called "lad" a few times, too, and it actually sounds really nice :lol:
     
  7. Reciprocal

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    I like being called "young man" or "chap". Not sure why, they just seem to fit me the most. "Boy" is quite a cute word to me, somehow. It makes me think of Boy George and Boys Keep Swinging. When people refer to me as female (which sucks all the same), "woman" bothers me a lot less than "girl". The quirks of me...

    Like Mischief, I find it weird to call my friends "girl", but I always use "woman" instead. That causes confusion sometimes if people think I'm talking a teacher when I'm actually talking about a student, but generally they just think I'm being polite or chivalrous. I like the words "woman" and "women".
     
  8. darkcomesoon

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    So we're pretty much exactly the same. I don't like "man" or "woman" (though I prefer "man"), "boy" feels great, "guy" feels great, "girl" feels wrong. "He" feels great, I actually do like "they" quite a bit cuz I've gotten used to it, "she" feels familiar and almost comfortable but at the same time awful and wrong and uncomfortable.

    I think it's a mix between not feeling enough like an adult for "man" to seem accurate combined with the fact that I look too much like a twelve year old for it to feel right. Thinking of myself as a "young man" feels okay (though it would be weird to be addressed as that just cuz it's a weird thing to say), so I'm pretty sure that's what's going on.
     
  9. Jellal

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    I've had people call me things like senorita and chica, which actually creeps me out quite a bit. Probably because it makes me think of that fucking chicken from five nights at freddy's ...

    I'm still not used to "she," but it's better than "he." I agree with the OP about the pronoun "they" personally not working for me.

    I do like being called a sister rather than a brother. I love it when people call me "dude," reminds me of a girl I knew who called everyone dude without regard for gender (love it).

    I don't believe "woman" will ever be a proper way of describing me, no more than "man." It sounds way too much like I'm a mature grown up. For me, "girl" feels better. And it helps me maintain my youthful glow. I definitely don't like "boy." Way before I even came out to myself, I didn't like being called a "boy."

    That being said, I am such a pushover that I never correct anyone. I am just so damn spineless when it comes to these sorts of things because I am afraid of conflict, and there's nothing I want more than to continue safely on my way.
     
  10. ThaPrince

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    For me, I don't really mind what pronouns people use when talking to/about me, mainly because I'm not completely out yet, as long as they're not purposefully trying to misgender me. Hearing "she" and "her" is just really familiar to me and I'm not quite used to being called a boy. I usually refer to myself as "dude" or "guy", I always have.

    I think that, for me, it just really depends on if I'm having a bad day and I just need to hear the pronouns I'd liked to be called to make myself feel better.
     
  11. RainOnVII

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    "They" doesn't work out for me either. I'm fine if someone uses the pronoun for me, but I always have this little grammar voice in my head, which then makes "they" feel weird. Personally, I prefer my name the most. Man/woman/girl/boy doesn't do it for me.
     
    #11 RainOnVII, Sep 2, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2015
  12. rolling orange

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    I feel this. I like the words boy, guy, man better than their female equivalent which just makes me feel sick, but I'm not used to being called a guy, man, etc. For some reason I find them easier to hear in English than in my native language though. I don't know why. Same thing with he/she.