I was reading through a thread, and didn't want to derail the support they needed, but a question came to my mind. How do you react when faced with your dysphoria? Depression is a common one. One that seems more frequently than what I experience. I find myself all over the place. Depression isn't a frequent one for me. Disappointment and frustration though, that's common. Sometimes anger or depression which may not last long (a few days). Anyone find themselves wanting to burn the house down with the lemons life gave you? (No, I don't get that angry)
The full lemon rant: Spoiler You know, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life TAKE THE LEMONS BACK! Get MAD! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these! Demand to see life's manager! Make life RUE the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'm the guy who's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! With the LEMONS! I'm going to have my engineers invent a combustible lemon that BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN! (Yes, I did memorize the entire thing, no, I did not follow your link, yes, I am a nerd, yes, I love portal, anyone who has a problem with that can take it up with Mr. Johnson) To answer your question, I really don't know. I guess I just kind of get uncomfortable, like, hey, that little dangly thing shouldn't be there.
I have a totally different reaction, I guess. I was confused/frustrated/anxious/depressed when I was trying to see the male gender as a straight person, and the female gender as a gay person. But, now, that I've realized I'm bigender, I'm relieved and excited It helps that my boyfriend accepts me, that's for sure. I still haven't come out to my parents as bigender, though. I can imagine that would make me feel ashamed, because they're liberal to a point but also pretty right wing.
Yeah, I get urges to burn bridges on healthy relationships I have out of fear of not being accepted, being a nuisance, not feeling like I can always express my full self all the way, or feeling like expressing my full self seems like an option for others or something they have to accommodate for in difficult ways.... mostly I get more amiety attacks than I do depression. Although I have had total, self-deprecating meltdowns before it's usually more so caused by pent up anxiety over many, many small things rather than one or two big things. To me, the dysphoria is just sort of like, the other head of a two headed snake compared to before when I wasn't self-aware. Before, I was constantly confused and frustrated and incapable of feeling much of anything due or always blocking my emotions out.... now, they can come up erratically and much stronger, and I'll know why, but there's not always much I can do about it. There was a short time in the beginning where I felt relieved and excited to have discovered myself.... but as I slowly delve deeper into understanding, I've reached the point where I really have to deal with it and decide what that means for my life going forward... Also, I can agree with birobigenausex's comment on having trouble trying to mentally weigh the switching feelings with sexuality that get lost along the way too. For me, it felt more like I was either a straight girl or a gay man... which has led to further confusion as I've pursued relationships before with gay girls too... not understanding how I felt alike to them, but also something entirely other. It just seems like there's a lot of different routes and forms these feelings take on.
The response varies, I typically try to distance myself from others because being around people becomes painful. I might pace for hours trying to calm down. When dysphoria is at its worse, I go through a period of disconnect that sometimes lasts for months.
I get angry. Really angry to the point that I end up taking it out on myself. That is all I am going to say about that.