1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Your AHA! Moment

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Nealg, Apr 24, 2022.

  1. Gay Brett

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2021
    Messages:
    95
    Likes Received:
    128
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Before I gave up watching porn that wasn't exclusively gay I would try and trick myself by watching some straight porn after I got off on gay porn to try and cancel it out. When I was younger the naked woman in it did not turn me on, but they didn’t effect me the way they do now. Now the sight of a naked woman can kill my interest in sex. The opposite can be said about naked man.

    Another big change I noticed was in the type of guys who turned me on. While more in denial I would only enjoy gay porn that had guys with really nice bodies, but as acceptance of my homosexuality came I began finding more and more different types of men attractive.

    If a guy can make me laugh and is kind I can get very turned on by him even if he is not in perfect shape or very handsome.

    What I love about men goes beyond their physical appearance. I get turned on now more by who they are as a person.

    As result of this when watching gay porn now I find a much wider array of body types in men to be hot. This has helped reaffirm that I’m gay. I totally get how a sweet guy can make a woman swoon even if he doesn’t look like Brad Pitt.

    I greatly enjoy this not being only a little secret gay pleasure anyone and more and am happy to read you never had much shame in it. Shame in liking beautiful men makes no sense. The shame is more men aren’t turned on the way we are.
     
    Nealg likes this.
  2. Nealg

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2022
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    118
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I can really relate to this post Brett. Very nice.
     
  3. Contented

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    1,256
    Likes Received:
    1,799
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I firmly believe that if more men would let their heterosexual guard down and experience male to male sexuality we would have a lot more gay men. In my opinion it’s societal pressures that prevent more men from coming out. I believe that the closeted male gay population is much larger than we think.
     
    Gay Brett and Nealg like this.
  4. Nealg

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2022
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    118
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I agree
     
  5. Gay Brett

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2021
    Messages:
    95
    Likes Received:
    128
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Well I am a man who can very easily be counted in the gay population now and is very happy to have let my guard down. The number of closeted gay men is now smaller by one. My attraction to men was just much larger than pressure to conceal it.

    I can understand how some men are only interested in women the way I am only interested in men, but wish those who want to be with men instead all get that chance. Being with the sex that you desire is a wonderful thing. And knowing there are lots of other gay men living near you is great too.
     
    Nealg likes this.
  6. hopefulB

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2022
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    123
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Wow.... reading you guys talk about sneaking into the Gay section of the book store feels like I'm reading versions of myself. I did the exact same thing. Stealing glances. The heat in my cheeks and pounding in my chest. This shared gay experience really is special. Thanks for sharing everyone.
     
    Joolz66 and Nealg like this.
  7. BiShark

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2022
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    69
    Location:
    Vermont
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Societal pressure is definitely a thing. Speaking from the Bi perspective it was really easy for me to hide my sexuality from myself because my attraction to women is as legitimate as my attraction to men, and that's the one that Society condones so it was easy to default to that.
     
    Bastion and Nealg like this.
  8. Choirboy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2013
    Messages:
    1,657
    Likes Received:
    363
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I remember reading gay fiction at Walden Books by an author named Gordon Merrick without a second thought. But my mom was very anti (straight) porn, so once I was reading a book by a woman about how to please a man, and fully imagining MYSELF doing those things TO another man, and got scolded by a clerk. I was mortified, and the clerk certainly thought something very different was going through my head!

    I will admit to a bit of awkwardness in referring to myself as gay, even though everyone knows about my partner because I chatter about him constantly and clearly adore him, and he is by my side at family and social gatherings without any question whatsoever about our relationship. But the word "gay" conjures up to mind a lot of stereotypes that I don't fit into whatsoever, and I often wish there was a less rubber-stamp word than "gay" and a less clinical one than "homosexual". I'm not interested in having people make assumptions about my religion, politics, level of monogamy, commitment to my partner or kids, or feelings about any polarized issue of the day because gays are assumed to be one thing or another. Being gay to me means that I'm attracted to men, physically and emotionally. Period. If sexuality is spectrum of some kind--and it almost seems like more like a 3D range of dimensions of emotion and attraction--trying to label people as gay or bi or whatever seems like a task that will always be inaccurate to a degree, and will scare people away who don't want to be pigeonholed as a result of their orientation.

    If you're a guy who is basically into women but like to mess around with a buddy now and then because it's different and fun and feels good, what are you? Are you really closeted and gay because you get turned on physically by dicks without feeling any urge for a relationship of any kind with a guy? I almost feel as though the labels really DO scare people off, because it almost makes them feel as though they don't have the freedom to figure out what works for them and live it, because they have to be gay, straight or bi, and there is no nuance.

    I'd love it it my daughters or future grandkids would feel as though they had the option to date boys, girls or both, because they may well find a person whose identity as a whole makes them happy, regardless of what sex they're into. Our orientation is a big part of our lives, but attraction and emotion and sexuality don't always coverage in the same way, and they're not required to.
     
    #88 Choirboy, May 13, 2022 at 5:02 PM
    Last edited: May 13, 2022 at 5:03 PM
    Bastion, Isbjorn, Cinnamoon and 4 others like this.
  9. Joolz66

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2017
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    88
    Location:
    Melbourne
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Looking back there were so many aHa moments that I couldn't see at the time but are blindingly obvious to me now with a different set of eyes.
     
    Nealg likes this.
  10. Nealg

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2022
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    118
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Of course..right?!??!!!
     
    Joolz66 likes this.
  11. Joolz66

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2017
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    88
    Location:
    Melbourne
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    When you're going through something like that in you early 20s and the world was a lot different to what its now, it was a survival mechanism to be in denial..
     
    Isbjorn, CatsAndDogs and Nealg like this.
  12. Nealg

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2022
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    118
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Yup
     
    Joolz66 likes this.
  13. eron

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2018
    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    151
    Location:
    Utah
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I started writing down the moments, as I recall them, from my teen years to present. And, while I’m not overly surprised, it is eye-opening to see how many of them there were and its kind of exciting as well.
     
    Nealg and Joolz66 like this.
  14. eron

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2018
    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    151
    Location:
    Utah
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    As I’ve accepted my homosexuality, I find that I’m less turned on by gay porn actors, and more sexually interested in “real” men who I have the possibility of meeting.
     
  15. Joolz66

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2017
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    88
    Location:
    Melbourne
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    yes, I agree, and I know what you mean by "exciting", same for me because it reinforces the realisation that im gay and was back then too.
     
    Nealg likes this.
  16. BiShark

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2022
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    69
    Location:
    Vermont
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yep, i 'd guess this isn't unusual, it's certainly true for me, too, and some of them seem so obvious in retrospect that I think I must have been working pretty hard to not get it.

    One big change I've noticed since getting past that is I'm more likely to just notice attractive men around me, in the same way I always have (and still do) with attractive women. That was always there but with the blinders off it just comes to the surface more naturally.

    One thing I like about being Bi is there's just more interesting people to look at.
     
    Bastion, Isbjorn, Nealg and 1 other person like this.
  17. Ipswichfan

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2021
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Oskaloosa, Iowa
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Same here! I’ve never been attracted to scrawny teens. And tattoos are a turn-off. (Maybe it’s a sign I have OCD. My reaction is “What’s that doing there?!” and I lose focus.). At least people who have lots of them. Photos on a website where I try to meet men (if I’m allowed to say, bisexualplayground) turn me on much more.
     
  18. Engdood1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2021
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    61
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    This reminded me of when I first bought a dildo from a sex shop. I didn’t use Amazon at the time and I remember trying to pay as quickly as possible because I was embarrassed. Like you say I was shaking when I got home with it, I was so excited. I ended up buying many toys from that store. I’m still not out but beginning to get used to admitting it to myself that I’m probably gay.
     
    Isbjorn, Gay Brett and Nealg like this.
  19. eron

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2018
    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    151
    Location:
    Utah
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I remember that feeling :slight_smile:. I convinced myself that I was buying a dildo for a girlfriend, but, of course, I knew otherwise.
     
    Gay Brett, Nealg and Joolz66 like this.
  20. Joolz66

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2017
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    88
    Location:
    Melbourne
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Its amazing how we fool ourselves when we're in denial
     
    Nealg likes this.