Your 2019 Goals

Well... I want to pick back up on my weight loss goal. It’s not really about being healthy I’m not gonna lie. I want to be sexy, healthy would be a bonus though. I have to move away from this small town for sure! I need to be around some diversity and well this place ain’t it. Maybe embark on my first attempt at a relationship. There’s a few bucket list items I’ll leave off that could be fun hahahahaha. And definitely get a passport and a stamp on it! Nothing to much... I need a low key year!

 

Everything in this post plus also finding a different job.
Good luck! I hope you reach all your goals!

 

Hello.....

Well 2018 was the year of the coming out for me, leave home and find my feet.....

2019....

I've had two hookups....want to continue enjoying my sexual revolution....

Finish turning my bedroom into a relaxing space for me and guys when they come here....

Look after my sexual health, may need a check up after 6 months to ensure I'm sexually healthy. ..

Be a greater dad to my 3 kids....

Try and get along with ex wife....

Perhaps fall in love.....

Earn more money....

Jon...

 

My New Year's resolution is to be less pessimistic and more optimistic.

I'm not really sure how to achieve this since pessimism is so deeply ingrained in my way of thinking. But I'm going to try. My brother suggested making a gratitude list. My AA sponsor has started calling me Eeyore, which is funny but basically true.

In fact I think I'll change my profile pic to Eeyore now, just as a reminder to myself!

 

2018 was the year I awakened and in the final months feeling confident saying I am gay to myself. I recently came out to my sister.

2019 goals:

Tell my husband about my sexual orientation and embark on the journey of exploring my authentic self and figuring out what that means for my current marriage.

Make new friends that are like minded. I am going to dinner soon with new friends I met online who also discovered they were gay later in life so this goal is starting to take shape already.

Deep breath and smile for the change of the New Year.

 

The gratitude list is a good idea and I need to get back to doing this... thank you for the reminder. I used to have a journal and would write 5 things I am grateful for at the end of each day.

 

In relation to Empty Closets stuff:
* continue coming out to more folks
* volunteer in some way at the LGBTQ center
* march in a Pride Parade this summer.
* keep reminding my wife I love her very much, in my words and actions.

 

Good for you, I'm a number of months ahead on the journey..... STAY FOCUSED. People may try to hold you back, go with what you believe in. You can do this. You can always write a message on my wall. I'm a guy but that's irrelevant, I feel so empowered and happy..... counselling really helped me....Jon x

 

My goals are to meditate daily and spend more time in productive, healing activities (reading, hiking, drawing) instead of getting distracted by screens. I am also applying to a part time job to increase financial independence/self-worth while in school.

I'm giving 2019 to my marriage. It has not been an easy couple of years for us and I need to focus on this relationship now that I have a better understanding and acceptance of my sexuality. I need to be more mindful of showing him that I care and communicate better so we can find solutions to problems. If separation is in our future, I want us to arrive at that point with as much agreement and clarity as possible.

@nerdbrain Gratitiude lists are great, something that also helped me for depression and anxiety is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and you can practice aspects of it without a therapist. There is a free app called CBT Thought Record Diary, and you can also find thought record templates online. Basically, you describe briefly how you're feeling, the negative thoughts that arise, then you actively challenge them and create a more balanced, alternative thought. It's not denying reality and saying everything is actually fine, it's more recognizing where the negativity may be coming from and questioning whether it's realistic, permanent, the only way to think about it, etc. I'd also encourage you to look up the major cognitive distortions and their definitions.

 

My 2019 goals are:

Be the best partner I can to the most gorgeous wonderful man I know.

Continue to discard outdated heteronormative ideas about masculinity as they pertain to me.

Become more involved in the gay community and help more men accept their homosexuality even at latter stages of life.

Evolve more and more into the gay man I have become. Being thankful that I at last have discovered who I really am. To live honestly and openly proud of being gay.

And finally be thankful for EC and all the wonderful men and women brave enough to share such intimate details of their struggles and successes as we embrace our homosexuality.
Peace.

 

Hi @nerdbrain -
Gratitude list is a great idea! Here's another idea I heard: each day send a note of appreciation to someone. When I've tried that, it really brought the gratitude into my daily life.

 

I usually attain goals incrementally. So, I'm trying to move towards being more open about my sexuality a little bit at a time. In a month, I'm attending a Winter Pride festival with a "date". I've always gone to those and if I get caught I can hide behind "supporting my gay siblings".

I won't ask my friend to join me in the closet.

Baby steps.

 

Thank you even though I have been reflecting and determining my authentic self for over a year...now that I am starting to actually do something about it makes it that much more real and difficult. It just came out in conversation with my mom yesterday. Not the best timing but can’t take it back now. This is just the beginning of what I can tell will be a difficult but important journey.

 

I can tell your on your way now, it may be a tricky year ahead, just keep going. Apart from my ex wife and a couple of trustworthy work colleagues, my mum was high up on the list to talk to. How did your mum take it?

 

I’m the moment she was a little overwhelmed and her reaction was a little manic and to not do anything impulsive and to think about the kids and stability of marriage. 24 hours later she is back fine and our conversations are back to normal

 

Good, sounds like your mum will be supportive. My children live with ex wife BUT I play a active role spending time with my 3 children and also to give mum a well earned break. My children seemed to have adapted well. I currently live in a flat now but my youngest son 6 stayed last night. Life is very different but life goes on. I also get a chance to meet the odd guy, have some intimacy and lead a more authentic gay life. When you have children like we do it's about balancing everyone's needs.
Jon

 

Good thoughts here.
My 2019 plan is:
Be positive, solvent, sober, real and modern (for me means developing my genderfluid aspects), continue with counselling, yoga and meditation. Keep the faith, feel the Force!

 

Goal: continue to work on being more comfortable and open about my gender identity. Someone posted somewhere: “it’s easier fir a female show gender-fluidity because society has accepted females displaying masculine traits” but less forgiving when men display thier femininity. Enter: me!

Already been in a very heated discussion about this at work, but little did the people reprimanding me know: state law supports my decision. So, I’m going to continue to be me.

 

To simplify things. Even some personal housekeeping things, so there is less paperwork and less websites to visit. I have a list of things I've needed to buy or replace and I've practically worked it down to nothing left. Next to nothing left. I travel light, on all levels. I do plan to take some trips and see some friends and see some new places. As for interpersonal relations, I'm open to what comes along. It's always better to let safer people into your life than it is less safe people and people who stir up drama just because you can't stand to be alone.