Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by anthracite, Oct 22, 2016.
When you feel guilty for wanting to modify a healthy body.
You realize you have about 5 different nicknames at work, 4 of which are actually just women's names....
when you get the feels when both your son and his GF call you mom.
When you are constantly misgendered and you feel like bashing your head into the wall.
When you are still in the closet and still presenting as female, but your boss is so used to talking with men that talks to you using male "word endings" (in italian, word endings are what determines the "gender" of the word) and you hope he never realizes his mistake because he is actually NOT misgendering you
The choirmaster calls me on the phone and at some point complains: "Oh now as every choir we have problems with males. There are almost no tenors left. I don't know what to do. I hope that destiny will wink at me and help somehow with a miracle."
Tenors' section, I'm watching you. Unless I become, as we say in Italy, tone-deaf like a bell.
You have a vague memory of being nine years old and feeling desperate to be male.
when you're obsessing about how much hair is gone from laser (dark hair) and how much grey is left.... and how much will be gone by April 30.
I'm a tenor, it is a blessing to be a pre-T tenor. And while I'm eyeballing the baritone section, I kind of also have a boyish pride that my range reaches higher than most guys, at least for now.
I know. There's an advertisement in Italy that sings: "Do you like to win easily? Poshee poshee bobobom."
That's what I think when I secretly learn the tenors' part.
One of my mottos: soprano by nature, contralto by convention, tenor by artifice u.u
Btw I envy you xD
I'm sure your voice is wonderful as well, you gotta learn to love it. But thank you.
I just remember how deeply I blushed with pride when, after performing a City of Stars duet with a classmate (she sang Mia and I sang Sebastian as well as played the piano) my mother said "that was so nice with you two and that deep voice you have..." That comment made my month. And that was the first time I'd ever sung publicly.
The little things matter, I think that's pretty important to keep in mind. Especially if you want to thrill the socks off a trans person.
Ehh, I try to love my voice, but... imagine a skyscraper near a shed. The first is my voice dysphoria and the other is all other dysphoria ^.^""" How can I love something that's not part of me? It's like having another person's face. At least, trying to lower the voice, I became flexible in singing and it's funny. But I know that I'm always a ghost inside a mannequin, inside an external instrument, unless I sing as tenor: then, I finally become a person, a normal human being. Singing is the most sacred thing someone can do with their body, in my opinion. It's the most immaterial (=breath) act of the body and the most material act of the mind, it's an art that connects body and mind like nothing else. And for me is like flying for birds and swimming for fishes. If I'll have throat cancer and sing only one hoarse note, I'll do it happily till death (or till someone puts sticky tape on my lips). And if I find out that for some medical reason I can't get T, well, stopping to talk and sing is the first thing that my insane instinct suggests to do. Or having vocal chords cut off and then talk by a machine. Yes, I'm crazy.
Every time someone clarifies to another person what you did on your turn and start by saying " HE played," and You feal like they just installed you. (Super specific I know, but it bugs me allot)
>> When someone near you is making a survey and you'd enjoy to help but they're taking note of genders too (despite the irrelevance - the topic is public transport!) and you're in the closet and not in the mood for misgendering, so as soon as you hear "female... male..." from a distance you make a weird face, groan and suddenly walk away on the opposite side of the sidewalk.
>> When you think: "Rest of life as [assigned gender]? Fulfilling a cisgender destiny? Never! Over my dead body" and suddenly realize that this expression sadly has a literal meaning for many transgender people.
(Ftm/Transmasculine) When you tuck your hair into a beanie and look in the mirror and feel so happy... then you take off the beanie and your hair falls back down and you feel depressed... (this happens to me so much D: )
When you're writing your CV and keep until the last moment: "gender: FUCK YOU" hoping that later you won't forget to modify it into your (sigh...) assigned birth gender.
When you inxist on playing the judge in games when people divide in team girls and team guys (I hate when that happens).
When you were younger and people confused you for the opposite gender and you told your parents it it"bothered you" but didn't say it was because you enjoyed it.
(P.s. I agree completely with crisalide that boy teams and girl teams are stupid)
You posted this a while ago, but I just relate so much to this.
1 Relating 100%. Trying to prepare myself for the worst case scenario that I will never have kids, a partner, a well-paying job and an uncomplicated life and that I will die alone, so that thing can only turn out to be better.
3 If I wear the clothes I like, I can't go to public bathrooms, because I pass quite well even though I'm pre-everything, but I'm officially still presenting as female (so I can't use the men's in case I bump into someone I know and things get awkward). I'm actually thinking of buying a purple pullover or something, just to put on if I have to pee so that I can enter the women's bathroom without awkward situations.
4 same, when people say "so you're a technical woman, that's great!" or call me the "math girl", just because I solved a problem at school (I know they mean it as a compliment of course, so I won't get mad or anything)
5 All of the time. It would be so much easier to be comfortable with being a woman, than physically transform myself into a man, but I feel like I've tried everything to convince myself I could be happy as a woman, but so far nothing has helped..
8 This has been one of my biggest struggles growing up. Just the lonely feeling of viewing yourself as a young man from inside out, but knowing others see a girl when they look at you and that the real "you" will never be recognized, whatever you accomplish in your life.
9 Sometimes when I'm really dysphoric and I just want to hide myself under the blankets because I really really really don't want to put on a bra, I tell myself "Stop whining over some boobs like a little girl. Be a man, get dressed and get to work." It really, really motivates me.
When you watch only few minutes of transgender youtubers because their changes under hrt make you melt in envy hahah.