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You don't have to be out/it's okay for your identity to change

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by warholwendy, Jun 8, 2020.

  1. warholwendy

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    Hey pals just wanted to share some stuff I've learned about myself.

    In high school I really struggled with my gender identity because I come from a very conservative area with very specific ideas about gender and how guys and girls should look and act. At this stage I was identifying very heavily as transgender and it consumed a lot of my thoughts. I didn't tell many people about this.

    In college I moved to a much more liberal area and was able to express myself more femininely. What I found is that this removed a lot of the stress and I had less desire to hormonally/socially transition than before and I found it didn't bother as much when people would use he for instance.

    I never really went public with my "identity" and now I'm identifying more as GNC/androgyne. I was getting kind of stressed thinking like well, if I "come out" I have to go against other people's preconceived notions of me even if they do know I wear more feminine stuff what if they can't accept me being a different gender. What I've kinda thought about is what if I just don't talk to people about it or try to come out as a specific label. I can have a private identification is what I'm saying.

    I'm not advocating for trans/NB people to just like "suck it up" or anything like that I'm just gonna offer an alternative which is that, and this is just if it's of interest to you that perhaps just being yourself can be just as relieving as telling people about your feelings. I'm back in my hometown for the summer but when I go back I'm planning to go even further than before and just solidify a femme/andro look and I'm really excited.
     
  2. solarcat

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    Do you mean going around as yourself, presenting, dressing, and acting how you want, without without actually coming out to people as anything in particular?

    Like, to take an example from my life, if someone asks why I'm wearing nail polish, I just say "because I like it" rather than coming out as trans?

    If that's what you mean, I think it's a nice idea. It's pretty much what I will be doing until I do come out at work.
     
  3. warholwendy

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    That's what I mean basically. It's okay to have a private identity that you don't have to share if you don't want to.
     
    sleepyboy likes this.
  4. LaurenSkye

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    That's sort of what I'm doing. I'm still closeted with my family (it would just be so hard to explain), but for a while I've been dressing femininely when I go out in public alone (though I still look like a guy). I just recently told a few close friends of mine (all of whom are trans except one who is the wife of a trans friend and a strong supporter of them and all trans people) to start calling me Lauren instead of Mike.
     
  5. warholwendy

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    In the future I think we might see more of a "Hi I'm ___, my pronouns are ___" thing rather than having the social category of transgender.
     
  6. YrasaGhost

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    This is a very interesting idea. Given how it's up in the air how the people closest to me would react to me coming out, I'd rather become more comfortable with myself and keep my self identification sort of private until I'm more comfortable with telling others close to me.