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Yet again, more invalidation on my pronouns

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by PlutoTheOpposum, May 14, 2023.

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  1. PlutoTheOpposum

    PlutoTheOpposum
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    ohio, america
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Heyyyy, it's been awhile hasn't it? Welp, I'm back to vent.
    On Saturday, I had a fundraiser for a school activism group I'm in. It was a drag show, and so I figured it'd be the perfect place to be myself yknow?? So I put on my pronoun pin (they/them/theirs) and went outside where my parents were. I was waiting on my ride since my teacher usually picks me up (with permission of course) so I was talking to my parents about random stuff. All of a sudden my dad notices my pin and asks what it is. I said it was my pronouns and his face went like, "]:frowning2:" and he said they/them pronouns aren't real pronouns. My mom asked why I can't just be happy with being a girl. I tried to explain that GENDER (not sex) is more of a spectrum, and that it's how you see yourself internally---similar to politics. But my voice was too shaky and I was panicking a little, so it flopped.
    My parents said people like me are just trying to make up problems that aren't there and that we're just looking for ways to be discriminated, so we can be the victims. They said I'm harming people who are ACTUALLY born intersex and have to deal with REAL gender dysphoria. And then they started saying I was just "non-binary" to be "quirky" and "trendy". I just gave up on speaking because I have TRIED to explain it to them. They always ask "How do you know you're both genders if you've never been a boy, huh?" And I NEVER know what to say.
    So I went and threw my pin away. When I went inside, they were still talking about it and they compared me to somebody on tiktok who had neo-pronouns and was a MAP and stuff. I'm NONE of that. I'm not a MAP nor do I use neopronouns. But I don't think I'm gonna express myself as non-binary anymore. I just feel embarrassed and now I'm wondering if I really AM faking all this. It's not like I have social media but what if I'm just being delusional. I've still had access to youtube. I've still MET people who were non-binary.
    So I'm gonna just make my parents happy and hope that it'll make me happy eventually too. I'll grow my hair out and wear dresses or something. I don't know.
    Thanks if you read this far
     
    #1 PlutoTheOpposum, May 14, 2023
  2. Rayland

    Rayland
    Moderator Full Member

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    Gender Pronoun:
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    I'm gonna go about my own little rant here. You can take from it what feels like it would be helpful, but I could write several pages long essay.

    People sometimes are so stuck within their own little box and never see anything farther from it and keep being ignorant about the rest of the world and they never try to learn more about what society deems to be wrong. They just go along with it. It's all mostly fear of the unknown, fear of other people, fear of what other people would say, fear of judgement, ignorance, stupidity, but if we start questioning them, then they don't like it anymore. They hate their own opinions being dumped on, while they are doing the same to the others and again never questioning the society's norms.

    Sometimes we also don't know what to say, but, if we don't know why is it like this, then we should start asking questions back too and continue doing that until people are forced to look stuff up in order to answer you, but we can always be two steps ahead.

    If people say that it's harmful, then we should ask how is it harmful and ask more and more.
    If people say it's wrong, then ask why is it wrong or why is this good.
    How they know it isn't real?
    How do you know, that I'm not who I say I am?
    How is it the right why to act? Why is it the right way/ Why is self expression forbidden?
    Why can't I just be myself, if it makes me happier and feel better about myself?
    Why can't they just accept you as who you are?
    What are they afraid of?
    TikTok isn't science. Why listen anything what people there are saying?
    It isn't a trend. No one does this for a trend and likes to be discriminated against. It's just who you are. It's how you express yourself to others and it makes you feel good about yourself.

    I'm sorry that your parents are like this :frowning2:

    Keep asking questions and communicating and learning and you will get through to them hopefully, but even if not, then you wont be living with your parents for forever. Hugs your way.
     
    #2 Rayland, May 15, 2023
    xfemmelesbian and Wanderlost like this.
  3. chicodeoro

    chicodeoro
    Full Member

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    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Pluto, I really wouldn't bother. They think it's a phase. You say it's not. The only way to solve this is to... wait.

    Time. It's relative. One year is a large amount of your life. Your parents are in their forties (I'm guessing) so it's at most one fortieth of their lives. For them, they/them pronouns, being 'non-binary' and all of this trans palaver is just another 'thing' that kids are into nowadays.

    There's a lot to be said for waiting. Looking to see which way the tide is going, which way the wind is blowing, keeping your powder dry and holding yourself in until you can be the person you want to be. Be out to the friends who accept you. Be the dutiful daughter to your parents. It's pointless trying to convince them otherwise.

    Wait. And one day they will see that it's not a phase.

    Good luck!

    Beth xx
     
    #3 chicodeoro, May 15, 2023
    xfemmelesbian and Wanderlost like this.
  4. SyIveon

    SyIveon
    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Screw what anyone else thinks, just be you. Unless, of course, it could have negative consequences such as losing finnancial support etc.
     
    #4 SyIveon, May 16, 2023
    xfemmelesbian and Wanderlost like this.
  5. Wanderlost

    Wanderlost
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    Pretty much this. Time usually clears these things up for everyone. You will be more confident, know yourself better, and more certain of what and who you are, and if nothing changes you will be able to present a more compelling argument to them, and maybe some time will cause them to open up their own minds a bit more. In the meantime I'd suggest going so completely femme that they can't stand it. Pink and Tiera's and Princess stuff all the way. Chew a lot of gum, work on the hand gestures, the talk. Okay, I'm joking here but it would be pretty funny to see how they react to that. Your pronouns could be like, "SHE to the ninth power squared. SHE in all caps please."
    *Big hugs*
     
    #5 Wanderlost, May 16, 2023
    chicodeoro and xfemmelesbian like this.
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