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There's no way I'm letting this die!

Writers—help me out on this one, if you will!

I'm writing a scene where a character gets physically beaten to the brink of death. It's not a fight; it's a one-sided "you have no choice but to lie down and take this until it's over," severe corporal punishment scenario. I haven't written anything quite like this yet, it's new territory for me. Are there certain pitfalls I should avoid in writing a scene like this?

 

More detail would be appreciated. Like, what is the relationship between the one beating and the one being beaten? What are the personalities? What caused this, and lead to it?

Unless you want to know what it's like to, literally, beat the holy hell out of someone who, for whatever reason, doesn't resist in general, then, sadly, I could probably give you some insight on that.

 

Relationship and Setup:
In essence it's a harsh disciplinary officer in a martial school flogging a student who shows no respect, challenges authority, and has a reputation for violent behavior towards other students. After a repeat infraction against the same victim, the officer decides to crack down especially harshly on the rogue student and make their punishment a public example.

Personalities:
The student is an outcast made power-hungry by social isolation. Naive, a natural show-off, thinks force is the solution to everything, and probably most importantly, is stupidly unafraid of pain or death, deliberately plunging headfirst into danger.
The officer is in charge of maintaining order amongst the students, employing fear of pain to instill respect. Believes it is an officer's duty to ensure that any student who strays from the righteous path must be broken down through force and then rebuilt as an example.

How I think it might play out:
The student, being unafraid of pain and eager to show off in front of others, would demand aloud for the beatings to continue, deliberately, drawing out the punishment. With an officer determined to rectify bad behavior and not be bested in front of the other students, that officer would keep piling on the hits until figuring that going much further would literally slaughter the student. Since killing students isn't part of the officer's job description, they'd have to hold back at the very end. I just wonder how long one student would be able to egg them on in a scenario like this.

The physical strikes would be with a heavy hooked scourge mostly across the student's back. How badly could this fuck someone up, particularly if the blows were aimed for the head?

 

Jellal

Hitting of the face with an outside object is usually off-limits when it comes to corporal punishment because that could very easily cause lasting damage. I would recommend having the character focus the blows around the torso/back in order to allow the event to still appear relatively humane. (Though a strike could stray a bit and hit his head at some point. The officer could then show a bit of remorse and that could lend to his humanity.)

As far as the narration goes, there are many people who default on writing fast-paced climax scenes. In order to captivate a reader in a tense or emotional scene, you will want to slow the pace and play into the suspense. This means acknowledging the details that would normally go unnoticed, but have the potential to add to the atmosphere. Describing the breathing of characters, the tightening of muscles, etc. Personifying the weapon, blood, sweat, etc, by describing their motions.

One big cliche is the "Hit me" cliche. There are many people who would attempt to maintain their composure when being punished, but no one signs up for beatings. He can act cocky up until it begins, but the idea of vocal stubbornness during a beating only causes the character to appear egotistical. In reality, the desire to not seem weak during a punishment from a superior is not normally to provoke but to save face. A reasonable response would be not wanting to cry out; not wanting to break one's silence; not wanting to appear broken. So, his attempts to maintain his composure should be where we see his resilience rather than looking foolish begging to be brutalized.

Good luck! Hope that helps!

 

Assuming the one receiving the hits could not brace or move, any serious hits to the head could cause a throbbing pain. To keep at it would turn that throbbing into a great degree of severe pain, if the intent was to build up to that. One technique with pain is, to gradually increase it, stop, repeat, stop, but make the repeat-stop sessions unpredictable in their longevity.

Silence between blows, can have a very humbling impact on another.

Any hits to the back, while they can be painful, are easier handled than other places. The neck and the lower back of the head can cause one to chip or break teeth, bite their tongue, and other rather unpleasant things, if you project the force enough.

You're mentioning a weapon, though. Is this scourge meant to hit harder or cut more?

 

Hit harder. (btw thanks SO MUCH for the responses everyone:icon_bigg)

 

Then you want to aim for the side of the head, from right above the ear down to the jaw. This has some of the more sensitive areas of the head, and cause the most secondary injuries, such as the potential chipped teeth or bitten tongue. If the hooks stick well enough on the jaw area, it is possible to tear the cheek in such a way, that when they talk/scream it causes more rips, thus more pain.

Anywhere near the ear can cause, not only piercing pain, but also affect vision. There's a possibility of concussions, too. But the most beneficial, for somebody inflicting pain, is a possible sense of disorientation. Hitting that area enough can leave somebody dizzy, unable to stand, thus even less likely to resist. Coupled with pain, a sense of dizziness can cause a panic in somebody, even if they keep that panic internally, and speed up the heart. This will naturally influence the mind.

The chin is another area to hit, if you're wanting somebody to buckle over. Anything that includes the mouth really, since your teeth, when made to hit one another, can be painful. If you want to really brutalize somebody, have them bite down on a metal pipe, and secure it in their mouth. Afterwards, proceed to hit the back of their head, causing them to "bite down" and, well... it gets pretty ugly from there on.

How badly somebody can get fucked up, from what you've shared, depends on how creative and how far your officer character will go, either in deed or to prove their point.

How long can somebody last? Again, it depends on what is done, as sometimes the body will go into shock in an effort to endure. Though I second what Gen has said, in regards to handling of the moment and how the beaten would/should respond. You don't push your luck, unless your intention is to die, which would be fine as a last stand/last fuck you. But if the character is one you intend to be around for a while, then no, this does not work.

 

Just remember to show not tell when writing. Write the impact of the blows not just that blows happen. Write how the senses are effects from hits. :smilewave

 

Thanks. Can you recommend some good sites for writing feedback and critiques, or even just for sharing stuff you've written?

 

I like to write very dark comedy...It's like death metal being written into a short story with a comedic tone thrown into it...The problem is, I literally write the entire thing inside my brain, but I never start writing it:lol::icon_sad:...

 

Well, since this thread was revived, I might as well announce that me and my friend has started moving on our webcomic. So expect to see it in the short future.

 

I don't know where else to ask this, although I can't say it has an awful lot to do with writing specifically, it is a topic that I think I'm going to have to end up writing about:

In labor camps, how common of a phenomenon was it/is it to separate prisoners based upon whether they were thieves, drug abusers, political dissidents, etc.? Were they/are they separated to make the punishment fit the crime, or is it more along the lines of forcing everyone into the same project no matter their "reason" for being interred?

I know that internationally there is probably not one singular answer to this question, but this is new territory for me and not something I am familiar with, so I'm wondering if someone else can weigh in on this question before I start my own line of research.

 

You might want to Google for info about labor camps in North Korea and Syria for modern examples, although I hope you're not too squeamish because it's disturbing. It's one of those things you really have to research well for an authentic story.

 

How would you define these labor camps?

Nazi-level? Soviet-level? China? North Korea?

That'd really help, because they all had/have their own approach to some of what you're asking about.

 

China.

 

Here and here, would be good places to start.

I believe we have some people with direct knowledge or connections to China, who may be able to provide you with a more personal account.

In general, though, any kind of camp is going to have four types of people:

The high-risk, which means those who were radical/opposition leaders, or who have a history of violence against state officials or attempted/actual escapes. These tend to be monitored heavily and isolated from the other areas.

The problematic, which means those who cause problems with others inside the camp. The most cited reasons would be causing fights or disrupting work shifts. These individuals are either monitored more or disciplined harshly, typically given more tasks to do, such as cleaning facilities.

The valuable. Basically, those who kiss up to state officials, or work as moles. Spy/betrayal/double-crossing, you know, that sort of thing. These are allowed some rewards, such as less hours worked or access to better food or clothing.

The rest. Those who just endure and work. Sometimes, from here, an individual may be grouped or placed into one of the three previous types.

 

I'm writing a lesbian romance novel. ^^ It's going to be around 200 pages (only ten so far). I'm trying to write it all before summer's over, so wish me luck! Lol.