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Would you consider getting married?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by BreezyB, Sep 14, 2021.

  1. BreezyB

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    If so what would you consider the perfect age to be for it?

    A few people I know had young marriages; like between 18-20 and while I didnt see anything wrong others would comment that they believed thats too young an age. Which I guess I could see because late teens to early twenties there is still a lot of growth left to do. Now, the marriages im seeing are become way more frequent, i guess i didnt realize how old i was getting, and it has me thinking about whether i could ever get married.
     
    #1 BreezyB, Sep 14, 2021
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 29, 2021
  2. tidalpool127

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    I think it depends on the person. Some people are very mature at 18, but any marriage I would've entered into at 18-20 years old would've fallen apart. I was not mature enough at those ages. So not that any adult is too young for marriage but I can see it being harder at those ages unless both people were very mature and secure in themselves. On the other hand, I don't believe one is ever too old for marriage. If you find your soulmate later in life than some people then that is perfectly okay. It is less about age and more about compatibility to your partner and how invested you are in committing to them(and they to you).
     
  3. Rayland

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    I feel like it’s too young. You really haven’t experienced life yet. I had a classmate who had a child and they were pregnant with another one. It’s not just you anymore. You have to take other people into consideration, whenever you would want to follow your dreams. I only figured myself out, when I became 30. If I would have been married and had kids, then everything would have been way more complicated. If the marriage at 18 makes you happy and you are mature enough, then why not.
     
  4. QuietPeace

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    I first got married at 25, it was a horrific mistake. I was desperate for find someone and that led to me finding a very abusive person very much like my mother. My second marriage was at 28 and I got into that relationship because of conversion "therapy" again a total mistake, we never should have been together. I was nowhere near mature enough for either of those and should have put off getting married until I was emotionally healthy (those marriages also contributed to my C-PTSD). My third marriage was at 57, I was mature enough but again it was the wrong person who was also abusive. I recently married for the fourth time at 58, get back to me in three or five years and I might be able to tell you if it was a good decision.

    I do not think that age should be the only deciding factor. Of course anyone needs enough maturity to make the decision and according to research the human brain is not fully developed until 25
    https://www.reference.com/science/age-brain-stop-developing-fcc9a17b5c52f5ef
    I did not even start to feel vaguely like an adult until I held my first child at 30. In addition to needing time type maturity people should have life experience so I think that everyone should live on their own for at least a year or even two without any partner before they even try to live with another person (or persons) as partners (having room mates to share expenses but not be romantic partners is different and is often necessary for people to be able to afford moving away from family influences). They should also seek to free themselves from early life issues so that they will not interfere. (I think everyone needs therapy and relationship education first) (I additionally think that people should wait to have children until later and that classes should be required for that also)
     
  5. Unsure77

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    Yes, I would consider getting married to the right person. But, not just for the sake of getting married and certainly not aiming for a target age. I’ve known people who got married young who had amazing marriages and people who had later marriages that were disasters. It depended on the age and mental health of the people involved.

    In my case, if I had been determined to get married in my 20’s, I would’ve married a dude (and likely a conservative one given where I was at the time), and it would’ve been a disaster given I’m gay.
     
  6. Mihael

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    I don't know, but late teens are definitely too early. I would say the right time to marry is when you need the legal stamp of approval for something or when the marriage is just a formality and you know the relationship is going to last. I never wanted to marry per se, targeted to marry at a certain age or at all. I could live alone. I'm fine with that. I prefer to have my space, even if dating someone.
     
  7. BlueMonday

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    Though my boyfriend and I have been together for eight years running, we're not interested in marriage quite yet.
     
  8. Aspen

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    I don't think there really is a perfect age to get married. Young marriages (early 20s and earlier) tend to be hard because a lot of personal growth and change happens in the late teens and early twenties. It's not uncommon for two people to grow apart during this time, because their goals just don't align anymore or they find that they don't have as much in common as they once did. That's not to say that it can't work out, just that it often doesn't and that's okay. Also, people who marry young haven't typically dated for very long because they haven't been dating very long. They may not have enough dating experience to realize what they're really looking for in a relationship, and when the cracks start showing in their relationship

    My three cousins and I are all about the same age (mid to late twenties) and all of us got married in the last three years.
     
  9. silverhalo

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    I am married, I got married in my 30's. As others have said I dont think there is a perfect age, I agree that late teens early 20's is potentially more risky as people have more potential to grow but it depends a lot on the people and also how long they have been together.
     
  10. AvatarRoku

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    Don’t know why marriage does not interest me personally. Don’t get me wrong it has lots of values and I can see the appeal for some people.

    just to me it seems very expensive piece of paper I would prefer to spend the money showing our love in other ways.

    but hey we are different and there is definitely no perfect age. It’s when you found the one and it feels right! :blush:
     
  11. tidalpool127

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    I used to feel like this and sometimes it does make certain legal things more complicated and if you ever split with your partner, I don't know what it's like in the UK but in the US being married makes it a lot more complicated. Certain states allow judges to not grant a divorce, but mandate that you seek marriage counseling instead, if that judge feels you can work it out.

    Now, most of the legal benefits of marriage here can be obtained through other legal contacts you have can have drawn up but that is a lot of legal fees and time. And if something happens before you do it things could turn bad. For example, I can't imagine either me or my husband's family ever really doing this to us but before we were married if he had gone to the hospital his family could've legally stopped me from seeing him. Not that they would, but now they cannot because of that marriage license. It was learning things like this that made me realize that marriage was a right we deserved.
     
  12. annie glover

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    marriage is good for people who are in the right position in their relationship. i feel like so many people get married either really young or because they fell like they are being pressured into doing it and not many last long under those circumstances. i would rather be in a serious relationship and travel and have fun than tie things down early.
     
  13. AvatarRoku

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    Very different in the UK. you a obviously financially tied and the complexities that can bring.

    i think it’s easier to separate here you just need to meet a certain criteria (be separated for a period of time) and you can start divorce proceedings.

    I understand the appeal and think the strides to equality for lgbt community and marriage have been huge in the last few years and I know it’s made lots of people delighted to be married but it’s just not appealing to me. Love is love a piece of paper does not prove it.
     
  14. tidalpool127

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    I didn't do a good job of communicating what I meant. Yes, marriage may not be right for you and that is perfectly fine and normal. What I meant was when I was younger, before marriage equality, I thought that marriage wasn't worth the fight because it seemed to just be a government registry that made break-ups harder. I didn't know some of the rights people could deny us without. Once I learned that, I realized marriage was worth fighting for.
     
  15. AvatarRoku

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    Definitely so important the rights that marriage brings and more importantly the fact that we all have a choice rather than having to accept a different path forced upon us.
     
  16. FireFox

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    Would I consider getting married, well I don't see a piece of paper changing things so probably not although wouldn't rule it out.

    I've often though about it and so far I'm neutral on the matter.
     
  17. HM03

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    I love the idea of getting married, but pretty sure I don't want to have a wedding.

    I realize that there are some life-long relationships that start young and mature youngins. But I have to question super young marriages tbh. Mid 20s is when I double take less aha
     
  18. Lemony

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    For me it depends, I guess maybe late 20’s. I mean only If I met someone by then. I want to be with my future wife or husband for a long enough time to know if they are my forever and If I’m theirs.
     
  19. Loves books

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    I would probably get married if the other person wanted to, but I wouldn’t want a big wedding. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong age to get married but I believe people grow all throughout their lives and the success of a marriage depends on whether you grow apart or closer together.
     
  20. Aelin56

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    I wouldn't really like to get married because when you find out that you don't want to be with your partner anymore, it's difficult to end the relationship. Getting a divorce isn't easy, and from my observations, most relationships end in break-ups, and many marriages are unhappy. Of course there are exceptions. But besides, if you want to show that you love someone, you can stay with them all your life without any legal commitment tying you together. I don't really see a need for marriage. That's just my opinion, I respect other opinions :slight_smile: