Worst Advice You've Ever Received or Heard...

"You can't be that depressed. Sleep it off."

1. is doesn't work like that
2. insomnia...

 

The main topic that springs to mind is things people say in regards to the subject of having children. What's funny/unfortunate about this is that these attitudes nearly always come from people who are parents themselves, yet still possess a careless approach to something so significant and life changing as bringing a person into the world.

A lot of such people will tell you, if you say you don't want kids or aren't sure, that you should "just go for it," or "it'll be fine." Because you know, everyone is naturally a fantastic parent as soon as it happens, and all those kids who grow up unloved or abandoned or with shitty childhoods don't actually exist do they?!

When I was in school we were informed that a woman would be coming in to teach us about teenage parenthood, looking after babies etc. Right from the start both me and my mother were dubious about this. We agreed with sex education and contraception classes but disagreed with the presumption that all teenagers (or specifically, I as a teenager) were all bound to go around having unprotected sex and dropping babies without a second thought any more than an older age group. But in the interests of fairness I decided to go along to the first class and see how it went. It mostly consisted of the woman telling us how she had had a baby at 16, showing us cartoons intended to make us feel judged by society simply for being young, and asking us to fill in forms with personal questions about when we planned on having kids.

Despite all of this, when I attempted to engage her in more serious discussion about if it was always a good idea to have children, her flippant response, in front of the whole group including the more impressionable teens who had said they wanted to start young, was to casually tell us that we SHOULD have kids, and that it was 'brilliant'. She said this in the same tone as someone talking about, say, going bowling or whether or not to have a pizza. Needless to say I didn't attend the rest of the classes, which from what I could gather involved lessons in baby care and assembling a buggy. I didn't see any of the other students seeming deterred from young parenthood as a result, and a couple of them even seemed more encouraged by the end.



Another contender for bad or rather unhelpful advice is: "Cheer up it might never happen." Amusingly, most times this has been said to me I was in a good or neutral mood, not a bad one, I'm just difficult to read sometimes. But what irks me about it is that obviously if somebody was walking around looking miserable, then the likelihood is that whatever 'it' is already has happened. For all you know, someone could have just suffered a bereavement that very day, and then some arsehole comes up to them and says "cheer up it might never happen."! It's passed off as a light-hearted remark, but really it's a lapse in common sense and respect for what's going on in other's lives.

 

The worst advice I ever heard is "no one will know so do it." Guiltyness eats at people, me included.

 

GUILTY...


But I only tell myself that though :lol:

 

Something along the lines of "well at least you have it better than me" and then their situation when I would just like some comfort from a friend.. psht

 

"Don't study too much; enjoy your youth/You don't need such high scores/Getting into a good uni's overrated".

I've only received advice like that once in real life. But I've been told multiple times on EC that it's not that important. It really does annoy me immensely. Teenagers should be encouraged to start life on the best footing, not to slack off from doing their best.

 

"Your problems are just a phase, grow up."
"Your sexuality was chosen by you, you broke my heart."
"You should not think in your head! Write your thoughts out on paper! What is this piece of crap, are you stupid?" <---my old math teacher when I was having difficulties. I do say I'm doing well in Math now, so ha. .l. to u sir.

 

Hmm somehow I feel like I am sitting on the bullseye about this one.

For me there is no advice as bad advice. People just reflect their own opinion/point of view on things... how you get it is all up to you. I guess it might be safe to say there are advices which turned into bad ones.

When I was young there were times I thought people crazy when they told me "it will pass", "you will get over it" or other usual things said to people and here I sit writing this message as a prime example of they were right.

However this thread reminded me I should keep my mouth shut more often.

 

Okay well mine's a little different. When I was setting up everything to move to Japan last year I went to my Canadian bank to talk to the financial advisor about closing my account and moving my funds to Japan. I'd already done research so when I went in I specifically asked about a certain kind of cheque (cashier's cheque I think, I don't remember). The financial advisor hmm and hahed and then told me to start withdrawing my max. daily limit everyday until my accounts are empty.

I remember staring at him in shock and asking "You want me to withdraw every cent I have...and carry it around in cash, on my person, for over a month?"

And that's the worst advice I've ever recieved!

 

Probably driving advice from my mom, who can't tell left and right apart half the time lol

 

this.

 

When I was talking about my social life, my own therapist told me I should stop talking to people on the internet because they aren't real people and that I would be happier with real human contact. I don't mind making more real life friends, but the whole statement in general shocked me.

 

"Just do it".

"Everybody else does it".

 

I've suffered with depression and anxiety for the past 3 years (though recently it has improved tremendously thanks to medication and good CBT). The first person I went to get /professional/ help from was a local psychologist. She immediately assumed all these things about me and started coming up with theories like "your parents didn't give you enough attention as a child" "you have this personality type which is why you are depressed" O_O

Her "advice" was to meditate and be in touch with my five senses. Like, okay, maybe that's okay for general de-stressing but at this point I was basically planning my suicide and too anxious to leave the house most days. I am so glad I decided to leave after a few sessions because her advice was terrible. On the contrary, she made me momentarily lose hope in ever getting better since I was afraid all psychologists would be like her (thankfully not)

 

That is another really big one for me too, TigerInATophat. Brought up another one I am sure many of us have to endure. It's linked a bit to what you said.
'You never know.'
Or
'You just haven't met the right person.'

Like they know you better than yourself!

I've had this said so many times to me by important people that I can't even count. Usually, it's because I've said I don't want kids. Recently because I came out as asexual and genderfluid as well. Along with blaming how I am on past traumas and everything in between. I hate hearing those two things as much as the first thing I posted.

 

So many things that shouldn't be called advice, and yet are.

"It's all in your head", "so many other people have it much worse", "you'll never land a partner dressed/looking like that", "just try harder/do better", "snap out of it", "you're so smart, so you can do anything you want with your life", "you must only not want to do X because you're afraid" (bitch, maybe I just don't want to do X because I don't want to!), "I'm older, so I know everything better than you no matter what", etcetera etcetera etcetera. Oh, and don't forget, "that's how it is in real life." When people say that, it usually means it's not how it is in real life, ever.

 

I was talking to my dad about wanting to take a course in learning Japanese. But he really wants me to take a trade. Something I don't have the least bit of interest in. He is very concerned about how much money I will spend taking this course, and he says I should take a trade because it costs less to learn. He tells me, "why don't you take a trade first, and go to that course later?"

Yes! Great idea! That course will cost way too much money, so let's waste money on something I don't even care about first (and will probably fail) and then take the one I want! That will totally solve the problem!

I never pay any attention to my dad's advice. Heck, he doesn't even listen to himself. One of his mottos is, "do as I say, not as I do." And proceeds to talk about how he never follows his own advice.

Not real people? So we are all just figments of your imagination? Lol 0_0

Or are we AIs? I guess that's it. That would make more sense.

 

If you have a paper cut, put lemon juice in it.
DO NOT DO THAT!!!! IT FRICKKIN HURTS!!!!
Yeah but the worst advice I can recall actually been given seriously was from Advice Mallard who said "Minor in what you love. Major in what will get you a job."