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Worried mum

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by avss2016, Jun 26, 2016.

  1. avss2016

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    brasil
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    My son is 20 years old and he's drawing awful depressing pictures with the question "Am I gay?" These pictures are really bad, like dead dogs, images of death and children crying…

    If he is gay I'm totally ok with it, I only want him to be ok and be there for what it takes. I feel that he's is in pain and disappointed with life but I don't want to confront him because I believe he's entitle to his privacy and if he needs time to find himself out and I must respect that. Though I am really worried.

    As a teenager he had some girlfriends but he is alone for two years now and sais that doesn’t want anyone, because it’s too much work. He has friends and appears to have a good social life but sais that is not satisfied with the life itself.

    It appears to me that his struggling and trying to come out and I want to reach him but I don’t know how.

    Any thoughts, please…. :confused:

    All the best

    AVSS2016
     
  2. pestjohnbuda

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Amsterdam
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    How sad to hear how worried you are about your son :frowning2: I think the best thing to do is to let him know that you love him, that you care about him no matter what. Maybe you can hug him some time when he comes home, and tell him that you love him, out of nowhere, maybe thats the purest. Don't try to pull him out of the closet, I think the best is to make clear to him that he has the space to be who he is and that you respect him however he is. Let him know that you love him and that you're there for him! I think a good hug can do wonders, maybe also saying you love him no matter what. All the best, you can do it, know you're a great person for caring so much! :slight_smile:
     
  3. avss2016

    Regular Member

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    Thank you for your kind post, I will do just that.. and I’m going to give him more time for him to fell free to talk to me whenever he needs… Will be tough though… I’m really worried and anxious about those pictures…

    All the best

    AVSS2016
     
  4. MrHojalata98

    Full Member

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    Before anything else I would just like to thank you for being such an amazing and caring parent. As many of us here can tell you, there are so many parents whose "unconditional love" show their true colors the second their precious little sons/daughters aren't exactly who they want them to be. The fact that you're taking the initiative to help your son and express your love for him in such a way is wonderful. unfortunately I personally think your son is going to need more than a hug with what he seems to be going through. I usually don't advice "outing" anyone, and I really admire the respect you have for your son's privacy. But he seems to be going through some things that you two should really be talking about. I can only share my experience and hope it helps any, but for example, my mother has always been the most wonderful and caring women in my life. I'm the youngest in the family, the family "baby," and she always made it her priority to spoil me as much as she could. And yet as irrational as it may have been, before coming out to her I genuinely believed my mother would stop loving me the second she found out I'm gay. But that's what fear is, it's irrational. And it cripples the strongest and purest of people.

    Which is why, while I think we need to be really careful with how we approach this possibility, i think we need to make it certain to him that you love him not just for who he thinks you see him as, but for him as a gay man. You know your son best, which is why you need to make the judgement, but there are multiple ways you can go at approaching the subject. You could start simply by speaking on your views on the LGBT community. Nowadays you have more than enough content to choose from. For example, as tragic and heartbreaking as it was, you could use events such as the Orlando shooting to express your condolences for the lives lost and how accepting you are of the LGBT community. Believe me I still remember every time my parents said anythig positive and/or negative about gay people when I was younger and in the closet. You could also be a little more straight forward, and casually bring up the possibility of him having a boyfriend. When asking if he's seeing anyone, or if he likes anyone, instead of asking about a girl you could say something along the lines of "so is there anyone from work or school you like? Any nice girls or boys?" You could probably word it better, but the idea is to make him see that you understand that him being gay is a possibility and that you'd be ok with it. Or you could be the most straight forward of all, and tell him what you know. Once again, I usually wouldn't advice something like this, but considering the mental state your son seems to be in, it may be the best way to control any future damage. Doing this will be a little awkward for the both of you, but it'll allow you both to speak seriously about the topic instead of beating around the bush, something I really don't think would be a bad idea. I'm still a kid myself, so everything I say more than as a parent I say as a son who's been through what your son could be going through right now. There are things I know I don't understand simply because of my age and the fact that I'm not a father, but I hope to have helped any. And if I can help with anything in the future please feel free to message me with any questions or doubts.
     
  5. ScottRhys

    ScottRhys Guest

    You are genuinely a lovely person. I hope that when/if I ever decide to come out that my mum is as accepting as you.

    Your son is obviously trying to drop you hints... I know for a fact that I wouldn't risk even drawing something like that and leaving it around for anyone to see.. I wouldn't even write the word 'Gay' on a piece of paper I'm that conscious of someone finding it.

    He could be un-happy because he thinks that you/his peers will not accept him... he's probably got a lot going on in his head and the littlest things could be depressing him.

    This might sound really stupid and childlike... but have you tried to answer his drawings? Get out a pen and paper and draw yourself, and say something like "If my son is gay, it's okay".

    Or you could just talk to him about it :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Hope all goes well and keep us updated! :slight_smile:
    Scott.