Wondering.

First of all, I would recommend taking porn out of the equation. Contrary to what people believe, it doesn't offer any definitive answers about our sexuality. What is more telling are your own thoughts and fantasies, which sometimes revolve around women, but seem predominantly geared towards men and that seems to mirror your sexual experience too (you have been with more men than women). So it's possible you are bisexual, with a stronger attraction to men than women, but I do think you should consider the possibility that you might be gay.

Is it possible that the lack of attraction to men is an emotional issue... a mental blocakge that comes from societal messages about sex and sexuality? When you talk about dissociating, what exactly does that feel like and where do you think it's coming from? Clearly you are sexually aroused by men, so why do you suppose there is a disconnect? In a great many cases it's due to shame and the idea that two people of the same sex cannot or should not enjoy a life fulfilling relationship with each other.

 

If you have been with girls and liked it, then IMO you are not entirely gay. But you certainly aren't entirely straight either. You are more likely to be bi. The reason why you get feelings for the same sex while watching porn is because, well, it's easier to deal with that than an actual relationship which requires more commitment and face a lot of backlash from society.

 

Hello, @ActualAdonis! From what you've stated here, I think you are bisexual. But like @PatrickUK said, with a preference for men. That's not uncommon for many bisexuals; it's seldom ever a 50/50 split, and even when it is, it doesn't always remain static.

Is it possible you are gay and still working towards that realization? Sure. That too isn't an uncommon experience: as people start to accept that maybe they aren't as straight as they originally believed, they may find themselves holding on to that opposite sex attraction (or rather, to their belief that they have it, because it offers them at least some possibility of remaining "normal" in the eyes of broader society).

That said, if your feelings and attractions to women have been genuine, then I think bisexuality fits. Your lack of emotional connection to the men you've been with could very well be a blockage; maybe the remnants of internalized biphobia/homophobia that you're still working through.

Ultimately, all we can do is guess. Whether you're one or the other is, sadly, a solitary journey you must take in order to figure it out for yourself. But even if you have to go it alone, you at least have us to talk things over with. Take your time; there's no rush in deciding what label fits best.

 

When I accepted I was bisexual I thought that my interest in men was purely sexual and that was definitely from porn. Porn doesn't help in matters of emotion or romance because these need to be experienced in person.

What I found is the longer I know a guy the more open I would be to romance and in more than one instance, I had the overwhelming urge to kiss them. I didn't, they weren't bisexual or gay.

It seemed I needed a strong emotional bond to form and from that romantic feelings developed naturally over time. I put this down to that I wasn't ready to accept myself and what I wanted, along with societal issues with same sex love and a some trust issues. I don't want to be in love until I know it'll be reciprocated.

From what you're saying, my gut feeling is you're in bisexual spectrum but don't be in a hurry to label yourself. Sexuality for me was a journey and it took three years to work out who I was and what I wanted. I had to undo years of denial, societal stigma, hard wiring and homophobia before I could accept that not only I had an attraction to men, but it was in fact dominant. Good luck with your journey.