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Wondering how to come out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sophia04, Aug 20, 2020.

  1. Sophia04

    Regular Member

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    I have known that I am pansexual for a little while now but don't know how or when to come out to those close to me. I'm not worried about my parents reaction I just don't know how to get the conversation started and I don't want to keep this from them because I don't have anyone to talk to about this and I feel that they would be happy to talk if I knew how.
     
  2. LaraB

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    I would keep it simple and when you’re at home alone with them say ‘I’ve got something important to tell you. Can we talk?’ And then tell them you are pansexual. It will be nerve wracking but then it’s done, and you can answer questions they may have (as much as you’re comfortable doing so). I don’t think you need to try and get it into conversation.

    if you can’t do that then writing them a letter is a good idea, you could leave it with them to read later or read in front of you.
     
  3. solarcat

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    That's pretty much what I did. When I came out as gay, I told my mom in person like that, and sent my sister (whom I didn't see much) an email. When I came out as trans, I sat my mom and sister (I live near her now) down for a conversation, and I came out as pan during the course of the conversation. Then eventually I called my dad, since we live in different states.

    Yes, it can be hard to do; I needed some alone time to cool down each time. But they've all been accepting, so it was worth it to me.
     
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  4. quebec

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    Sophia04.....Have you thought about using a letter when the time comes to tell your parents? There are some great sample coming out letters here on empty closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking the time to think about it and to write one will help you be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! An additional plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can easily go bad. It gives the people reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had years to think about your sexuality...giving them at least some time to think about it only seems fair as well as getting you out of a possible hot conversation! Check the letters out (see below)...they could be a real comfort! Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or 10 years from now, your parents and friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're gay?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc.. The questions themselves will vary a great deal dependent upon your family and friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of ten or so questions with the answers already planned, you will be perceived as a more mature, thoughtful person.

    COMING OUT LETTERS: Go to the Empty Closets Login page, but do not login. At the top, you will see some links. Click on "Resources". That will bring up a page with a box on the upper left. In that box, you will see a link to "Coming out Letters". Click that and you are there! I wish you much good luck...you can and will make it!

    Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you!

    .....David :gay_pride_flag: