TW for mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts I don't know how to start this but I've been depressed, really badly, for about a month and a half. Usually I'd have breaks of mania in between but not this time, it's just straight depression. It's my fifth attempt at quitting self harm, that doesn't even work anymore. Hurting myself doesn't make me feel better. I don't want to die, I used to but that won't help anything, I still lived in the first place. I don't feel useful or interesting at all. All I do is lie around and cry and get mad at people. I'm annoying even when I'm happy, no one wants me around but if I died then suddenly they all care about me. I don't know why, no one wanted to be friends with me, my family didn't want a girl. Then they start to think that I'm trans but they don't want a trans child either so I'm fucked either way. So I could wish that I'm cis but they don't want a gay child, I just shouldn't exist then. Because I don't want to be a girl or trans or gay either. I don't even know if I'd want to exist as a cis straight person because it's too hard to do anything. I've tried talking to counselors and praying and making friends and medication and nothing works. That's all the advice they ever give me and if it doesn't work, what else is there? I don't feel like I want to be saved anyway, I don't have any personality or interests, I'm not good at anything. No one needs me around and I'm making people's lives harder, I shouldn't have let my parents know I was depressed because it just made them stressed (should it be any surprise to them anyway?). I'm not a good person, I don't smile or talk enough. I don't have any purpose. I don't even know why I'm posting this, I just wanted to get my feelings out. I think I'll regret it later, I don't want to depress people.