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Will this end badly?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Austin226, Feb 26, 2017.

  1. Austin226

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Nebraska
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Sorry in advance, this might get a little long.

    So basically I'm thinking of coming out as trans by email to my mom while I'm away at a summer class this July. The class is three weeks long and about ten hours away, so I was thinking I'd send the email a few days in and then she'd have time to digest and think it over before picking me up, or she could give me a call.

    My mom isn't exactly supportive of LGBT things, but she isn't aggressively transphobic either. I think she'd be open to accepting me if she learned more about it. Also, I'm pretty sure she suspects that something's up. (side story: when we were in the car the other day, it was silent, and then she randomly asked if I'd seen the movie Boys Don't Cry. I said no because I didn't want to open up a conversation right then and there, but I thought it was funny).

    My dad, on the other hand, is a fundamentalist Christian who constantly reminds me that men and women are different, his gay brother makes him sick, etc. I don't know how he would react to my coming out, but my mom would probably tell him about the email as soon as she receives it.

    So why now? Well, I'm a junior in high school and so I'm about to start applying to colleges. I will be transitioning/going full-time in college with or without the support of my parents. I'd love to be able to apply using my chosen name so that I could start out as the real me from Day One. I figure by coming out over the summer, I could give my parents a little warning and some time to adjust.

    Also, I should mention that I plan on coming out to one or two close friends before this, and I'll likely be on an academic scholarship in college, so I'm not worried about my parents cutting me off financially (though I don't think they would. The most I'm expecting is some harsh words.)

    So I guess what I'm asking is does anyone have experience coming out to parents while being away from home? (like am I setting myself up to walk into the lion's den when I get home lol) Or going from completely closeted to completely out between high school and college?
     
  2. Anne10

    Regular Member

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    I haven't come out to my parents yet, but I have some experience talking about difficult things with my parents. Honestly, I think your plan sounds best. Email your mom, maybe tell her to call you before she talks to your dad, so you can answer any questions so she has answers for him? Just a suggestion. But, emailing seems like the way to go with your family.
     
  3. Mj5963

    Regular Member

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    Some people
    Hi I recently sent an email to my wife two days after she confronted me that she found out I was sleeping with guys , shocker of course to her we been married a long time with three kids 21-26. I sent her a very long emotional email that her response surprised me as the first thing she said was that our kids Brad a healthy father and I need to address this myself and resolve a lot of my consternation of feeling lonely, depressed , not sure who I am etc. needless to say I suggest a lot of empathy when you write to her . Tell her why you chose to write and email prior to talking in person and how much you love her and your dad. No matter what you are the child they brought into this world and your love never has changed but that you are the one who is changing to the person you believe you are . Also
    Make sure you tell her that you want to talk on the phone with her as soon as she s ready before talking to your dad. I have learned one thing during all this , honesty is your friend and once you are true to yourself it becomes easier to be true to the ones you love . Good luck and like to hear how it goes
     
  4. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

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    Location:
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    It doesn't sound like a bad idea, because it will give you and your mom space, but I would suggest you include some links to support organisations for parents, like PFLAG, and include a reading list (books/leaflets for parents of LGBT kids). Don't leave her hanging with all of the difficult feelings and questions that arise when we come out.

    If your dad has rigid beliefs he might be more of a challenge, but PFLAG has supported parents from religious backgrounds too, so the reading material might be just as useful for him.

    If you go ahead and do it, please let us know how it goes. We are here for you regardless.