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Will it be wrong for me to not invite my father to my wedding? (which is in the way distant future)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Assassin'sKat, Feb 13, 2018.

  1. Assassin'sKat

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    To start off, I am not even in a relationship yet. But I like to think about my future.
    I'd also just like to know if anyone is in the same boat as me.

    My father is weird, to put it simply. He wasn't there for a lot of the time growing up, because he was in prison. Once he got out, he eventually moved in with us. I don't want to go into detail about that here, but I'll just say, he's pulled some shit and was not the best person to live with. We got away from him by moving away a few years ago. Even after we moved out, he pulled some shit.
    So my father hasn't been the best father, but it's clear to me that he is putting effort to remain in my life.

    My issue is, I don't ever want him knowing I'm a lesbian. When he lived with us and I saw him more frequently, he'd sometimes make weird sex jokes that made me extremely uncomfortable. If he finds out I'm gay, I am scared he will make creepy lesbian sex jokes. I don't want to deal with that, it would be painfully uncomfortable. So, some day when I find a nice girl to marry, I may not want to invite him. But I can't help but feel I'd regret that. He is my father, after all. It's not like he's the worst father ever. It's just a complicated situation. Shouldn't he be there?

    Can anyone relate? I know it's way off in the future, seeing as how I am not even in a relationship yet, but I still can't help but wonder what I am going to do.
     
  2. QriousLexy

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    I wud still invite him but wud probably come out to him in advance before the future wedding just to see how he reacted
     
  3. starrite

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    I geuss you can put this down in 2 crude ways.

    Wedding days are a day for you and your friends to celebrate the binding of you and your loved one, that would also mean that you might invite family you normally might not talk to \ contact to be at the ceremony at which point you are probably out.
    Leaving your father out of the wedding might offend him of course.

    On the other hand, a wedding is also "your" special day, if you have legitimate reasons as to why you do not want your father around at that point, i'd say you have all the reason to let him know he is not invited.

    Perhaps the sollution is to keep the ceremony and the actual party seperate, ceremony for all to attend, party invite based, that way you leave nobody out and you can go about your day without worry.
     
  4. resu

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    Yeah, I think it would be better to come out to him so you can gauge his reaction before deciding to send him an invitation. If you're marrying a woman, you wouldn't want him to learn that on your wedding day...
     
    #4 resu, Feb 15, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2018
  5. Assassin'sKat

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    Well, my thinking is I either tell him and then invite him, or not tell him and never invite him.
     
  6. Loves books

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    I also plan not to invite my dad to my possible wedding when I'm in a relationship. Or tell him I'm getting married. Or tell him I'm gay.
     
  7. smurf

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    I personally would lean into not inviting him, but if you want to try and keep the relationship there is a way to keep clear boundaries while still keeping the door open for him.

    Ideally, you would talk to him about coming and the wedding. They you would be honest about why you want him at your wedding, but also clearly state the things that you will no longer accept from him. Tell him, "I would love for you to be part of my life, but not at the expense of my own sanity and that of my partner. If you want to be part of my life, I expect you to respect my wishes. If you don't think you can do that, then sadly I just don't think I can have you at my wedding"

    That way is up to him to prove to you that he wants to be a healthy part of your life, it sets clear and healthy boundaries, and it allows you to hopefully keep your father around.

    That being said, I would also be prepared to cut him off if you need to. Just because someone is your parent doesn't mean they get to destroy your life. Sorry that you have to make such a tough decision.
     
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