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Will Closeted People Reject Advances From People They Find Attractive ?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by likesboys, Apr 2, 2019.

  1. likesboys

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    Asking any of you in your experience .
    I’m not closeted , but curious if people will reject someone they find attractive , because they aren’t ready for those feelings or to admit it yet ?

    I just wondered if someone really attractive might push them to take that leap . But it maybe deeper than that .
     
  2. Nordland

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    Yes i did it myself whilst in the closet, a friend made a move on me who i secretly had a crush on but I rejected him because I basically just freaked out about it.

    On the flip side I do have friends who have been approached by guys who are in the closet
     
  3. Chip

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    Absolutely. And it can happen for more than one reason. Someone might have some inkling they are same-sex attracted, but be in denial. Or they might be self-aware, but not ready to let anyone else know.

    Can it happen that someone makes them take the leap? Sure. But it isn't anyone's place to force the issue, and that's where it gets delicate.
     
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  4. Melancholy

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    I'd reject someone if they were just trying to be friends with me, so yes.
     
  5. starmotive

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    I agree with Chip. It could really go either way.

    Personally, I would say my reaction would depend on where I was on my journey to acceptance and coming out. If someone of the same gender told me they liked me when I was struggling to accept that I was gay, that likely would have pushed me further into the closet. Thoughts of 'oh no they like me and I actually like them back and what does this mean?' would probably run through my head.

    Versus if I were told the same information when I was accepting of myself and thinking about coming out to people, my reaction may be the same as above, but it could also push me to come out, which, depending on each person's situation, may be a good or bad thing. Having someone tell you that they like you (and assuming you like them back) gives you validation in who you are, and might give you a reason to come out; wanting to share your love for this person with the world.
     
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  6. Humbly Me

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    Some people who are out reject advances from people they actually like because they don't feel worthy or are afraid of the aftermath. Which is ludicrous, I know, but that is just how it is.

    Especially if the person is, in their opinion, more attractive than them.
     
  7. Inlife88

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    When the time is right, then they will open up. Acceptance is one thing that holds people back when it comes to sexuality, unfortunately.
     
  8. Devil Dave

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    The first time I was asked out by a gay man I found attractive, I did immediately say yes, but it never went beyond one date and a kiss on the cheek. It helped me with my coming out experience, because after the date I knew that I was ready to start telling my family that I'm gay, but I did not want to take my relationship with the guy any further. I think that once I was hit with the possibility of becoming his boyfriend I suddenly became unattracted to him. I've never known this to happen to anyone else I've spoken to, but I felt like he was coming on too strong for me.

    He wasn't forceful or anything like that, but he kept asking me to go out to gay clubs with him, and I kept putting him off with excuses, because I did not want to be dragged around the gay scene. So maybe this is a similar feeling to what a closeted person might have if they were approached by an attractive gay person - the possibility becomes real and suddenly it becomes a bit daunting and outside of your comfort zone.
     
  9. emma1200

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    Before I dated my first gf last year I was a bit too aggressively against any kind of moves she made on me even friendly touching or compliments. I was pretty shitty to her honestly and it’s not an excuse but it was largely because I had major internalized homophobia and didn’t accept myself yet. So I did not want to admit those feelings to myself or anyone else.
     
  10. alwaysforever

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    Yes, and as much as the rejection hurts, it's important to remember to respect that decision. People come out when they are ready.

    I have been on the receiving end of such a rejection. At least I think so. Letting them be was incredibly hard.