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Wife calls me out...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Out and In, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. Out and In

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    I just couldn’t get an erection last night with my wife...she wants a baby and I just feel so much anxiety when it comes to sex with her as I am fighting my natural gay desires...she was upset and told me I am gay because all the signs are there...we slept in separate beds both upset and both desperate for love
     
  2. Nickw

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    Hey

    I'm sorry this happened this way. Are you going to have a talk with her about all this now?
     
  3. Nicholas7

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    be gay then????
     
  4. SevnButton

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    Ow. I'm at a loss for words, Out and in, but I really wanted to chime in to let you know I hear you.
    Not being able to get an erection, without other factors, doesn't mean much. What are all the "signs" you mentioned?
    Good luck!

    =Sevn
     
  5. Lexa

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    What are you going to do now?
     
  6. slowmo

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    OK, at the risk of being overly blunt, I would strongly urge you to rethink the whole baby biz. Based on what you've written here and before, what so many others have written here on EC, and my own experience, it sound like you're on the verge of making some important decisions as regards accepting your own sexual attraction. That's great ... and extremely scary and complex. But as difficult as this situation is right now, imagine what additional complexity and pain there would be for the both of you if you were to go for it and get your wife pregnant. Not only would this make your life and your wife's life orders of magnitude more difficult, you would be creating a child who is sure to face ongoing stresses and challenges he/she does not deserve. Trust me, you will be doing yourself and your wife a huge favor by putting all thoughts of baby-making on hold.
     
  7. Out and In

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    Nickw...it will come to a head soon enough...being gay and in the closet is so hatd
    Hey Nickw...thanks...the situation is leading to that
     
  8. Out and In

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    Sevn...well over the last two years I came to realise I am truly gay and I have become withdrawn, moody and frustrated. Our sex life has waned a lot and I watch gay porn to get my needs met. My wife knows my gay past and over time as we have become more withdrawn from each other sexually I guess the signs are a culmination of all that.
     
  9. Lin1

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    Hey OP,

    Sorry that things are a bit tense with your wife but it seems like she can sense something is up and I agree it's probably time you tell her the truth.

    Remember that by lying to her you are actively keeping her in a situation where she cannot be happy and loved the way she deserves (and vice versa) and it is very unfair as those are years of her life she will never get back. I understand how hard it can be to accept and embrace your sexuality but I think marrying someone you don't love (and staying married to them) is unfair to the other person and bringing a child into the mix would only make things worse for everyone involved, especially the baby.

    I don't know where in Oz you live OP, but Australia has been making some progress towards equality and is becoming more and more accepting of queer people, I do know there is still quite a lot of homophobia going on in smaller towns and what else but I do think you probably will be nicely surprised if you decide to come out to see that you might find more support than expected !
     
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  10. Caraldo

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    If you are truly gay, you need to use as the open door to put this on the open. Your wife deserves to know for sure IMO. I have walked this road like many here have, and it sounds like you are confident in your homosexuality, and a heterosexual marriage is not meant for confirmed homosexuals. She deserves the truth....and so do you.
     
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  11. Contented

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    In and out, it does seem you are truly gay. Don’t even think about a child if you are thinking of coming out and embracing your homosexuality. It would unfair to your wife, your child and of course you. As one of the post said so succinctly “be gay” and start enjoying it! Best to you and your wife as you sort this out.
     
  12. SevnButton

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    Ok, that makes sense. Sounds like the status quo isn't working and you have some decisions to make.
     
  13. SiennaFire

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    I'm sorry that this happened to you. Instead of dwelling on the negative, maybe this is a blessing in disguise if you're willing to look at this as an opportunity to change your life.

    It sounds like you are gay and not questioning. If so, your situation will only get harder to undo over time, especially if you go through having a child.

    My suggestion is to use this opportunity to come out to your wife and suggest a separation. I know this is a very scary thing to do and requires a leap of faith.

    As someone who has made the jump, I can say that my life is so much better today because I've embraced my authentic gay self and found that loving a man is so much better than pretending to love a woman.

    The truth will set you free.
     
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  14. Contented

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    SiennaFire is right on the mark with his comments. I can attest to the fact it so much easier in addition to more emotionally and sexually fulfilling loving a man rather than pretending to love a woman. Use this opportunity to chart your course into totally embracing your homosexuality which in turn opens you up to finding and experience a real loving relationship with another man. The difference will blow your mind!
     
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