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Wife and child

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Gayhusband, Nov 20, 2020.

  1. Gayhusband

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hello! I’ve been thinking/struggling. The coming out process for me has lasted decades. Recently, for the first time that I can remember, I feel that me being gay is just an understood in my mind now. Less of the wrestling with whether or not I am bisexual or gay. Gay is the obvious answer for me now. I accept it. I understand that’s who I am. It’s been a painful and confusing learning experience, to put it mildly. I’m married. I have a young child with her. We’ve been married for twenty years plus. I still love her very much. I don’t want to break up my family under any circumstances. I’ve told my wife about being me being gay on numerous occasions. She’s not completely convinced I think. We are still able to have passionate sex. I really prefer men though. I’ve had sexual experiences with men before. I loved it. Immediately after ejaculation though, embarrassment and shame would grab ahold of me and ruin the experiences. I’m getting over the shame aspect little by little. Unfortunately, I would still feel embarrassed if someone I know found out about me being gay. Sounds lame because it is. I’m working on that as well. I don’t have gay romantic feelings for anyone. I’m mostly interested in being with guys sexually. The urges, fantasies and obsessive cravings are making me crazier than ever. I need what I need. I admit I deceived my wife about my homosexuality before we married. It’s unfortunate for everyone involved, especially my wife and child. I’m embarrassed and ashamed. I’m getting down to the details of all this deception but I still feel that I’m taking too long to exit the closet. Stressing!
     
  2. Nickw

    Regular Member

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    Hey @Gayhusband

    I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much with this. Since your wife is aware of your sexuality, have you discussed with her how difficult this is right now? I know that is a hard conversation to have.

    It sounds like you are committed to a marriage with her. Are there ways that you can, possibly, have an open marriage that allows you some ability to explore your same sex needs? It may take awhile to get there.
     
  3. quebec

    Advisor Full Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Some people
    Gayhusband.....Have you thought about seeing a therapist? I had a lot of shame, guilt, and self-hate to work through after I came out. It resulted in a lot of depression. It took time but I have been able to work through all of that with the help of a wonderful therapist. I don't think I would have been able to do that without the support and guidance that I received from my therapist. Please give this serious consideration. There are just some things that we can't overcome by ourselves. There is no shame in seeing a therapist. It was one of the best decisions that I've ever made. Remember that you are a part of our LGBTQ+ Family and we do care! Please keep us updated as this works out.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag: