Wife and child

Hello! I’ve been thinking/struggling. The coming out process for me has lasted decades. Recently, for the first time that I can remember, I feel that me being gay is just an understood in my mind now. Less of the wrestling with whether or not I am bisexual or gay. Gay is the obvious answer for me now. I accept it. I understand that’s who I am. It’s been a painful and confusing learning experience, to put it mildly. I’m married. I have a young child with her. We’ve been married for twenty years plus. I still love her very much. I don’t want to break up my family under any circumstances. I’ve told my wife about being me being gay on numerous occasions. She’s not completely convinced I think. We are still able to have passionate sex. I really prefer men though. I’ve had sexual experiences with men before. I loved it. Immediately after ejaculation though, embarrassment and shame would grab ahold of me and ruin the experiences. I’m getting over the shame aspect little by little. Unfortunately, I would still feel embarrassed if someone I know found out about me being gay. Sounds lame because it is. I’m working on that as well. I don’t have gay romantic feelings for anyone. I’m mostly interested in being with guys sexually. The urges, fantasies and obsessive cravings are making me crazier than ever. I need what I need. I admit I deceived my wife about my homosexuality before we married. It’s unfortunate for everyone involved, especially my wife and child. I’m embarrassed and ashamed. I’m getting down to the details of all this deception but I still feel that I’m taking too long to exit the closet. Stressing!