Why some gay (men/woman) act/dress like the oposite sex

Thanks for your question, Unity.

It may be foreign from your experience, since you are straight, male, and comfortable with being male. The LGBT community has many things going on that yield the results you're seeing. The first, is that the T part of this community exists. Transgender and genderqueer people are those whose concept of their own gender do not match their body.

For example, I identify as genderqueer, because although I was born male, I am not very happy about having a male body. I mean, it's what I have, and I don't want to change it (although transsexuals do, such as MtF or FtM people). Part of what I like to do to feel more comfortable is cross-dress somewhat. That's because I want to reflect for myself and for others that my gender is in between.

Second, we have people who aren't transgender or genderqueer at all who simply like to play with gender, and they crossdress or take on mannerisms attributed to the opposite sex.

It's not a way for us to try to act out, be edgy, or special snowflakes. It's just how we are.

Besides, even if it weren't for my crossdressing, people would still have questions about why my voice sounds gay and why I keep a ponytail...

I just want to warn you that you may get some offended responses from people. I can tell that you have no malice in your heart, and you're just trying to understand, but it's a little bit harsh to ask "why are people pretending to be something they are not?"

 

And to add onto what Pret was saying:

On a biological or psychological level, the expected actions, desires, and personal presentations of each sex are not "naturally" there. They are not ingrained into our DNA, rather created by our society. This is not to say that most people are completely faking their personality to adhere more to society rather that the aspect of nurture in a society tends to effect growth of the mind.

There are time, however, when nurture goes against ones personal desires. This is when you have people going against social 'norms'.

 

The people you are talking about, namely people who 'dress like the opposite gender' are not pretending to be anything; they are simply being themselves. Having certain colours or clothing types or styles associated with a gender is a social construct, there isn't anything inherently male about short hair, for instance. If someone who identifies as a woman wants short hair, who am I to stop her?

I feel you are alluding to transgender people here as well. Don't. A trans woman is not pretending to be a woman, she is a woman, and people should respect that.

I'd be cautious about suggesting anyone is pretending to be someone they aren't. Who are you to say what they are or aren't, and even if they are pretending, why shouldn't they if they like doing so?

 

There are many gay men who dress like "men" and many lesbians who dress as "women;" there are also many straight men who dress "feminine" and straight women who dress "masculine." I happen to be a gay male who dresses as a man, but am only one part of the human sexuality/identity spectrum.

Society might also play a role. For instances, in same-sex weddings, I have noticed that men are always in suits (and never in wedding dresses) but lesbian couples sometimes opt for either a suit or a dress. It can be that some clothes have become more "unisexual," such as dress shirts and slacks, and others remain the prerogative of the female sex (e.g. dresses), at least in the public.

About the acting like the opposite sex, I can't really say. I don't act necessarily "feminine" and always thought that while sexual orientation was innate, gender displays were more of social construct. When I was younger and more naive, I actually thought that "acting gay" was a way to attract a partner since it displayed your orientation to other potential mates. Now I know that's not always the case because some boys exhibit what we consider to be "feminine" traits (or girls exhibiting "masculine" traits) long before they learn what "society" thinks it's right.

But to be honest, I personally don't know.

 

I don't really have a definitive answer to this other than what has been already covered. I only commented so I could thank you for asking so politely. It's rare that (straight men in particular) ask about things they do not understand about LGBT people rather than dismissing it.

I take my hat off to you for signing up and making the effort to gather an understanding.

 

Clothes don't have penises or vaginas. They're just fabric. People should feel free to wear whatever they feel most comfortable in, not have their clothing choices dictated by their plumbing.

And while gay men are more likely to be feminine, there are plenty of masculine gay men too, and even feminine straight men. Sexual orientation and gender expression are related but not the same.

As for me, I dress in girls' clothes because
A) Girls have much better choices in terms of colors and designs (seriously, guys' clothes are boring)
B) Girls' clothes tend to fit me much better, since I have a rather petite frame, and female sizes go smaller
C) It's fun in my mind to think of the old couple walking down the street and looking at me thinking "is that a boy wearing girls' jeans? or is that a girl?! :eek:"

But again, while those clothes are marketed to people with vaginas, I don't believe that a piece of clothing has an assigned sex.

 

For people to dress like the opposite sex is not pretending to be something they're not. We are not "pretending" anything; we are just dressing in a way that feels comfortable to us. I'm a girl, but ever since I was a kid, I have been a tomboy. As soon as I was old enough to talk, to express my opinion, and to have some say over the way I dress, I always wore boy's clothing. I hated dresses and only wore pants, baggy t-shirts/jackets/sweaters, and I always had short hair.

For the sake of conforming to the norm and expectations of society, in junior high and high school, I tried "dressing like a girl." I bought girl's tight t-shirts, tight sweaters, and tried growing out my hair. And every time I dressed that way, I felt very uncomfortable. Even though I am biologically a female, expression of gender lies on a very wide spectrum. Inherently, I just feel more comfortable dressing more "masculinely" so to speak.

Now, I have ridded the "girly" clothing from my wardrobe and only dress the way I truly want to. I wear jeans, plain v-neck tees, button up shirts, and plain jackets and have my hair at a short/medium length above the shoulder. Most of my shirts and jackets look unisex, so it's quite neutral. I can't explain it, but this is just what feels comfortable to me. And what's comfortable to me may happen to appear to be a masculine style of dressing to others. I'm not pretending to be a man nor do I hope to pass off as one. I am just naturally not a feminine female and express myself differently than society's "normal" picture of what women should dress like.

Just like being gay, my gender expression was not a choice. It was not something I consciously decided. My story is only one of the many variations of gender nonconformity. I hope this gives you some more understanding to your question.

 

Actually, I believe he was saying that the way men and women behave - not in terms of sexual preference, but in terms of gender expression - is sociological, rather than biological, in origin. Sexuality itself probably is biological, though there is some evidence of fluidity.

The term genderqueer is something of a blanket term to describe people with non-binary gender identities, essentially people who's gender is neither male nor female, but something in between. Its acceptable for all people to say, I'd imagine, assuming it isn't being used as an insult.

The term queer is a reclaimed word. Its sometimes used to describe all people with uncommon sexualities and genders, but was once used as an insult. Probably best if only queer people used it, but I honestly wouldn't get to fussed about a heterosexual using it.

 

Queer is okay when queer people say it among other people who are okay with it.

Some LGBT people still find it offensive (particularly older people), and people outside the LGBTQ should probably not use it if they don't want to risk offending someone...

 

Im not really keen on been called queer too, but for some reason id rather be called that than puff or fag, has i said other day i get offended at them statements, just call me gay.
Has regards clothing, i dont wear womens but my style is bright colours and a tad girly.

 

No, not at all. I'm saying that gender role expression is not ingrained into the DNA. Sexual preference is certainly innate.

It could be that my use of "desires" was the source of the confusion, but I was not speaking about sexual desires. The desire to wear pants instead of skirts. Play with trucks instead of barbies. Prefer the color blue, but over pink. Etc.

 

I'm going to assume you mean when gay men flick their wrists or walk with a wiggle and things like that, and that you don't mean transgender folk.

I for one don't present myself in a feminine way. I don't walk with my hips, and my voice doesn't carry too heavy of a 'gay lisp' (though one typically doesn't choose to talk that way), and I wear baggy, plain men's clothes (t-shirt, jeans, and a hoodie).
The reason why I don't do those things is because I don't. Not because I consciously think to myself, "I'm a boy and should act/dress/look like one" but because that's just how I am. I love pop music and I feel at home around women, two 'typically feminine' traits - but that doesn't extend itself into how I present my gender or sexuality.
I present myself the way I'm most comfortable, which is myself. And as it turns out, 'myself' doesn't include outward femininity. Some people do show themselves that way, but it (usually) isn't a conscious choice, that's just how they are and what they like!

Does that make sense?

 

I´m sorry my boyfriend isn´t able to answer. He is one of those feminine gays and I can assure you it´s natural behavior for him, and he has a high pitch voice, he can´t help that.
He was just born that way and thank goodness allowed to grow up that way, so he is happy with himself.

Trying to change it is like teaching lefthanded people to write with their right hand. It´s unnatural to them, painful and difficult.

 

Thanks for reaching, out, Unity.

I'd just like to expand on use of the word queer for a moment. There are many different gender and sexual minorities in our community. The most common acronym to accompany them is LGBT (for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender), but it is still not all inclusive. People try to keep adding letters to an already nasty looking acronym. They've also tried introducing completely new acronyms that sounds like real words (for example, QUILTBAG).These are all terrible ideas, in my opinion. We require simplicity in language, so we use "queer" as an affirmative word to be inclusive and describe everyone.

There's always a debate about the word, and whether we should even use it. But I don't believe the word should be walled off from the straight community. If my accepting, straight, cisgender friends use the word, there is no attributional ambiguity. I know they aren't hating on me. They are just using the word the same way I would use it, so I don't have a problem.

When I have a problem, it's when the word is being used as an insult: for example, the statement "Dave is such a queer" (used as a noun) is a really hurtful statement.

To answer your question about why I don't want to transition, it's basically just because I don't want to take the risk. I don't want to go through sex reassignment or hormone replacement. I'd rather just crossdress androgynously and go long-distance running to feel better about my gender.