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Why my Mum doesn't want me to go to Pride?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by 18breanna, Jun 3, 2018.

  1. 18breanna

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    I wasn't expecting this (my mum claimed she is an ally so I didn't know there'd be pushback) but my Mum really doesn't want me to go to Pride. I tried to handle the situation maturely and asked I could pay for the gas and if we could compromise and eat at a seafood restaurant she likes (I'm vegetarian so I wouldn't benefit, only she would) and stop by the fest while we're in the area. She keeps repeating "I'm not interested" over and over without telling me why. I keep telling her it has the features of other festivals she's enjoyed (food, music, etc.) and that it would be a good grad present for me while boosting my self-esteem.

    Now, my first reaction is that this is some discomfort with gay people/me being gay, but every time I bring that up she gets angry. Could this be the reason? Because I really don't want to jump to that conclusion, although it seems to be the obvious one.

    She will really not let me go alone or with friends, regardless of how close I am with the friend.
     
  2. fadedstar

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    I notice you use "mum" instead of "mom" but your location is in the U.S.. is that normal in your area or..? Given how tense politics in the U.S. has been lately and with all the talk of guns and gun violence etc your mum might be freaking out that something bad is going to happen to you at that event but she isn't saying anything because she doesn't want you to be worried like she is.
     
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  3. normalwolverine

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    I also kind of thought that she is worried about safety issues, especially if you're going somewhere like DC for Pride.

    But, also, to be honest, I'm not interested in or comfortable going to Pride, either. I lived in Chicago for a while, one time during Pride, and I thought about going but ultimately didn't feel comfortable. It is not so much that I don't feel comfortable with LGBT people as it is I have a pre-conceived idea about what Pride is like, and I don't think it's my kind of environment. I can't see too many straight people feeling comfortable in the environment I have in mind, either. I just imagine a lot of raunchiness and a lot of making out, a lot of hooking up. I'd rather go to an LGBT book club meeting, lol.

    So, she might feel similarly as I do.
     
    #3 normalwolverine, Jun 3, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2018
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  4. OGS

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    She probably has some very definite and probably inaccurate notions of what Pride will be like. For instance think about what Normalwolverine said about Chicago Pride. I've been every year but one for the past twenty-five years and, to be honest I wish it was a little more like that. As it is about a million people attend the Parade and at least a third of them are straight. The festival is even more tame but I still always find it all, especially the Parade, really moving.
     
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  5. Aussie792

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    Pride is, to be fair, often seen as a poorly monitored, drug and alcohol-fuelled sexfest. It can be scary for a parent to let their child go to one.

    My mum is totally fine with my sexuality and is fairly confident in my capacity to take care of myself. She's still cautioned me about going to Sydney Mardi Gras (the most analogous Australian LGBT event to US Pride) because it's easy to make terrible mistakes in that environment and there is a disappointing amount of overdoses, drink-spiking and sexual harrassment and assault that comes with it.

    That may be part of it, even if there is a level of discomfort with your sexuality.
     
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  6. resu

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    If she says she's not interested, then just take it at face value. She might have some fears, but no one is a mindreader. However, don't let her decision be also yours. You are 19 and an adult, so you don't really need her permission, but you should be honest if she asks. Going with friends is a good idea even if your mom is not supportive.
     
    #6 resu, Jun 3, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2018
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  7. Asking

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    I don't know her obviously, but one reason I personally had is that if you're accepted, you're out, and she's completely fine with homosexuality, the parades can really just be making a nonissue, kind of like a 'bite me.' Better to just have it as a yes, some people like opposite genders, some like their own, I'm in the latter group, you have a problem with that good for you, just make sure it doesn't affect me. I really don't mean to knock them, it's just a perspective I've had, maybe she has the same?
    But did you ask her?
     
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  8. smurf

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    This could be it.

    For most cities, Pride is nothing like people imagine. Most cities is just a parade and a festival full of LGBT people walking around. I have always been curious about people who think they might not enjoy it, but don't even go to make sure. Most Pride festivals are free and you can go and stay as long or little as you want.

    I would talk to your mom and get her to give you a reason. Tell her that you won't be offended, but that you really want to go and need to alteast understand where she might be coming from. A thing that you can do is also to compromise on how long you spend there. So say "Lets just go for an hour. If we don't like it then we can simply go after that"

    If she really doesn't want to go I would keep asking to go alone. Pride is such an amazing experience.

    If you can't go then there is always next year!
     
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  9. D Artagnan

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    It also might be that she's afraid with all the school shootings in the US as of late, that some wacko homophobe might try and do something stupid at the pride festival.
     
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  10. Humbly Me

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    You are more likely to die in a car crash on the way to pride then get shot there. And then you still have the return trip...
    Just leave early, I'm quite sure a lot of people drink and there will be drunk drivers on the road (much scarier than gun violence - unless you live in like some really homophobic place full of violent wackadoes).
     
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  11. 18breanna

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    I actually didn't think about that, good point. (I'm a huge prep, so I say mum)

    This is very true, I found that most people in the straight world have that perspective.