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Why is it so important to me to come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mia C, Jan 19, 2018.

  1. Mia C

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    Hello everyone,
    This might seem like a strange question, but I keep coming back to this anyway and people keep asking me it and I never quite know what to say.

    I feel a strong urge to come out to my closest circle (family and friends) and have already come out to most of them. There's only a few "tougher cases" on the list now (my dad is amongst them) and I feel incredibly stressed out, because I just feel like I need to tell him.

    But why? People keep asking why I can't just not share this with them and keep it as my own since it's really noone's business.

    I don't have a girlfriend and won't have one anytime soon, since I am currently in a relationship with a guy, so why do I feel the need to come out? Something about it seems to make me more relaxed and more like myself around the people I've told. But everytime I am close to telling my dad there's this evil voice in the back of my mind saying I just want attention or something like that.

    It drives me nuts. I think about it every day and dream about it every night.
    What makes it important to you to come out / be out despite having a relationship / dating?

    Thanks in advance
    xx Mia
     
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  2. NickiFire

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    Hey Mia. First off you should know that your feelings of wanting to come out to people are completely natural, and they do not mean you're looking for attention. Coming out to someone is special, it's showing them a part of you that is genuine and true. As humans we naturally yearn for people to know us, truly know us, for who we really are. So wanting people to know this unique aspect of your personality is completely normal and expected. I am also struggling with this a bit currently. I've come out to my sister and am struggling coming out to my parents. My sister says that it's none of their business and to keep it to myself, or at least until I have a girlfriend or it comes up naturally, but I have a constant pull that makes me want to tell them. I have a very close relationship with my parents, so I know that part of this is that I don't want to lie to them. Another part is that this is something that is special to me, and I think I want to share it with them. But I also know that I'm not quite ready to do that. When I first realized I liked girls (a couple months ago or so), it seemed so so natural and I honestly didn't even understand why there was such thing as 'coming out'. I mean who cares, it's just a part of regular old me, just like I have freckles or I love running in the rain. This was just another descriptor in the long list of descriptors of what makes me myself. I didn't understand why this one was so important. I still don't. But that's just the way the world is right now, this particular aspect of our personality is viewed as a 'big deal', so naturally you will want to be open to people you are close to about it. Whatever the reason is that you want to come out to people, don't feel as if you're doing something wrong. This is all so natural, you want people to know who you are, and that's beautiful. That doesn't mean you have to come out to these 'tougher cases' if you're not ready just yet, but definitely don't feel guilty about it if you think you are.

    Hope this helped a little bit.

    Nicki
     
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  3. skittlz

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    As NickiFire said, people like to make a big deal about relationships and love, and many will assume a person is straight unless proven otherwise. This can lead to even close people projecting a false perception as to who you are. And that usually doesn’t feel great.
    Also, there really isn’t a way to estimate someone’s orientation through biological appearance (compared to being apart of a racial group or being a gender as a cisgender person) so telling someone is usually the only source of “proof”. So it’s really easy to feel misunderstood if you don’t come out.

    Whether you decide to come out or not, there is no need to doubt your decision. You will know what is best for yourself.

    I felt compelled to come out to close friends and family mainly because...

    1. I wanted to know where they stood about my sexuality, so that I’d be more comfortable expressing LGBT or personal topics to them. (less surprises for me)

    2. I wanted them to have time to acknowledge and accept that I’m bi and that I could have a relationship with a woman in the future (less surprises for them)

    Generally, I’ve came out to some people when they keep assuming I’m straight, or when I think coming out would clarify why I said something a certain way. :joy:
     
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  4. Assassin'sKat

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    Because you want to know they will accept you. You want to be able to talk about your girl crushes without them reacting. You want them to know who you are and you want to act like who you are.
    If you think they will accept you, come out so this stops bothering you and you can be who you are. Otherwise, wait for it. The time will come, trust me. And don't worry, you are not alone.
     
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