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Why is it easier to befriend girls than guys?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Joe2001, Mar 22, 2020.

  1. AJ56

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    Huh. I have never had this happen to me. My female friends know I'm gay and respect that. I have a good female friend who doesn't even do those stereotypical things with me. We talk about our interests. Like our love of gardening and nature. We can have deep conversations about literally anything.
     
    #21 AJ56, Apr 12, 2020
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2020
  2. Snowqueen

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    Maybe gay men are more in touch with the feminine sides the straight guys, I feel more comfortable around women, my best friend is a woman and the only one who knows I'm gay.
     
  3. BlueMonday

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    Girls are (usually) less likely to be homophobic.
     
  4. gravechild

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    I don't know about that
     
  5. Joe2001

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    Not sure about girls being less likely to be homophobic either. Many might not appear it because being around a gay guy looks trendy but in reality, I feel that wanting a gay guy to be your GBF is kinda homophobic in a way as well.

    There are also stats that women are more religious than men.

    Whilst toxic masculinity is still an issue IMO, I do think that guys today are generally more accepting of LGBT people than before.
     
  6. AJ56

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    I am going to respectfully disagree with you on that. I think girls like having gay friends because they know they won't be hit on by them. I don't think that's homophobic.

    Also, being religious doesn't necessarily mean that someone is against LGBT people. There are religious denominations that are open to having LGBT members (such as the Episcopal church)
     
    #26 AJ56, Apr 30, 2020
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2020
  7. gravechild

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    At the same time, plenty of girls basically see and treat gay men as "one of the girls" (plenty of members have written about being uncomfortable with it). Could these assumptions and treatments be an example of "benign homophobia"?

    Funny thing: out of all the people I came out to, it was only the females who used the "f word" after arguments. So I would say women are less likely to be... violently homophobic, but with views like "I can't see someone who has kissed or had sex with another man as a man"...

    Plus I'm sure some of the female members of the site have a different view from the guys. Plenty of folk hold a double standard when it comes to gay people of the opposite vs same sex (also whether they're attracted to them or not)
     
  8. Mihael

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    Doesn’t make logical sense to me, lol. If the two guys being a couple aren’t men, then none of them kissed a man so it won’t make any of them not a man???

    Meh, I feel that straight people are completely unaware of how gender works in the LGBT. That we’ve got plenty of people who don’t fit well any of the two cisheteronormative boxes and that being gay doesn’t mean that you aren’t happy being a masculine gay man with a penis or a feminine lesbian woman with a vagina. I get that all the time too. People think that since I have a masculine gender expression and this is what makes me feel comfortable, I must want to pursue sex change surgery or must hate my breasts. I identify as a man and this is how I want to be treated, so that changes things a bit in the more confusing direction for the cisheterosexuals. But still. They have views that don’t apply outside their world.

    Yeah, I would think men tend to be more rude and violent, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they are unfriendly. I tbh always get that with women, I don’t mean nothing and they get offended. Women on the other hand can be mean behind your back, so there is more false politeness.
     
  9. Lgbtqpride

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    Yes, I agree. Girls are more accepting of the lgbt community. While guys think that you are less of a man if you like man.
     
  10. RavenK

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    I think it's mostly because girls tend to be more open to having relationships and talking to people. Guys, I think, have a harder time socializing with strangers. I notice that while girls will sit with total strangers (usually other girls), guys tend to sit with people that they know well or know by association (usually other guys). There's always that same table of guys in the class but girls will switch around and end up with a stranger or two. I think that when talking to guys, a lot of the time, you have to find that one thing in common you both can talk about before a friendship starts forming.
     
  11. donnyback

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    It's easier, but the friendships I've had with women have always been much more superficial than the friendships I form with men. With women, after one day we can be "best friends" as far as she is concerned, but the friendship dissolves just as easily. With a dude, it'll take a year to get to be close, but the bond formed is almost unbreakable.
     
    #31 donnyback, Aug 8, 2020
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 6, 2020
  12. Tightrope

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    I think you're onto something. For some women who get into it in what they call the "faghag" role (I don't know any other words for this slang term), it's about control and it's not healthy. They don't have a good view of themselves and they probably don't have a good view of the men they hang around with. It's hard to tell what their true sexuality is.

    You make a good point. It's easier to form a friendship quickly with a woman. So it's also easier for it to fall apart sooner. It takes longer to form a good friendship with another man but, once the bond of friendship is there, it's harder to break.

    My therapist knows about my sexual history. Mostly, the therapy has been very good and he is supportive. My last therapist, a man, insinuated that I should try to skew my friendship ratio more toward men. My current therapist has thrown out some suggestions on befriending some women who I know and I have had to explain how I don't think that would be a good idea. He doesn't seem to be buying into what I'm saying. This aspect has been a little sticky.

    I think that it's entirely possible for people to have good friends of the opposite sex, but it's not that standard. I agree with my last therapist on this one. A person feels better about themselves when they're running with a group of same sex friends. Even more ... a lot of people don't look too kindly on men who have a large collection of women friends. That's what I've seen. I think it might be less harsh for a woman who has a large collection of male friends. It's sort of like how society is less approving of men being hair stylists than women being professional athletes.
     
  13. gravechild

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    I was thinking more of straight women's views towards lesbians, but also agree. Its easier to focus on the more "obvious" examples of homophobia, but basically saying "I view gay men as women" or "I can't respect a man who has slept with other men" seems to come from the same place. Even if some are okay with it