Why is it easier in society to be a lesbian than it is a gay man?

That’s all true but no one who ever met me would think I’m effeminate of course they don’t know I’m bi so that could chNge things

 

Well yes, I'm sure. But guys like us conform to the "straight" stereotype, even if we are half gay...because society makes us conform, and our urges to be "gay" are not strong enough to want to come out and live the gay life...so we kind of get stuck in no man's land. Easier to be straight, and not that hard tbh, but those urges have to remain largely secret.

 

Everyone who is not straight has it tough. And you know, social conditioning has a massive part to play. Gay is wrong in most people's minds...even gay people on this site, when explaining how they first knew they were gay, usually say "I knew I was different from an early age"...DIFFERENT! Different from what? The so-called "norm" of society. And the fact that people felt "different" to other people of the same sex and age, must have some psychological damage on them from an early age. I empathise with these people.

 

I understand. I guess I’m just saying that’s it’s easier to fit in because I gave most of the same hetero desired they do, I just gave gay ones as well. I don’t think many would accept that I was bi if I told them though.

 

Same with me I'm afraid. But hey, it could be worse. At least we have freedoms that some middle Eastern, eastern european, African and Asian cultures do not have. So I'm pretty content with my lot overall.

 

You are right. Things can always be worse

 

I was reading this topic and I just wanted to add, I don't know about bicurious women but bisexual women sometimes have it though too! And actually I personally think that it's the most difficult for bi men. Most other men simply don't even believe they exist at all to start with. Being bisexual is not taken seriously at all.

 

Agreed. Bi women have a difficult time, mostly with straight and bi guys. I mean, my ultimate preference would be to have a bi female partner and for us to be totally open and out to each other. But bisexual women are scared sometimes to announce they are bi, because the creepy guys come out of the shadows and jump on them.

 

Yeah, I think that's because society says men's sexuality is rigid and there's only straight or gay. Women have the opposite problem, society believes that women's sexualityis fluid, and that women can only have bi tendencies, straight women and lesbians don't exist to society like bi guys don't

 

Lol, yeah... I personally have no clue.

 

I know stories of bi men through a talking group I once participated in and through FB groups (Belgian and Dutch). We bisexuals have a small community here in Belgium and we're one group regardless of gender. Of course most of the bi men I've heard or read stories from are way older than you. I don't think it's actually true that only 10 percent of bi men are out though. I'm going to look if I can find the numbers of the Sociaal Planbureau in the Netherlands and I'll post them on here.

 

According to a study in the Netherlands in 2012 50 percent of bisexual men didn't tell it to anyone (still a lot!) and only 3 percent of gay men didn't tell it to anyone. And 14 percent of bisexual women and 2 percent of lesbian women.

 

Don't understand me wrong, I don't want to scare you or anything. People who know you will react better than people who don't. Lots of people think they don't know bi men. The hiding of bisexual men is part of the problem, because it is a vicious circle. When bi men are not out, how can other people see them, they don't, and as a result those people think bi men don't exist.

 

If by lesbian you mean attractive women who have sex with other attractive women but will have sex at the drop of a hat with any man off the street AND bring her girlfriend then, sure, THOSE "lesbians" (mythical though they may be) have it easier.

All told, I do not believe any "alternative " sexuality has it easier than another. I tend to believe that it is easy to fall into the trap of believing that you and yours have it worse because you have your own lifetime of experience being abused and discriminated against (or the fear of it if not out) while you only have a glimpse of seeing others abused because you do not witness their entire lives. Kind of like a bullied child thinking they have it worst, not knowing that their tormentor is just as cruel to other victims. I have heard similar from racial minorities as well, "x racial group is more accepted than my racial group", when in truth the actual racist bigots of the world hate them both and couldn't be bothered to differentiate between the two.

 

Kind of hard to generalise the entire gay or lesbian population since there's so many ways you can present yourself as a queer person. I think @Hardright brings up a good point that the way you present yourself in the context of your queerness matters, it's always more acceptable to to present yourself in a way that doesn't "make waves" or otherwise impede on the heterosexual dichotomy. So, for instance, a feminine lesbian who doesn't stand up to heterosexism and/or defaults to the traditional "marriage" life will have it easier then a gay man who doesn't identify with the traditional definition of marriage and/or is more effeminate, less masculine and doesn't coincide with heterocentrist gender roles