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Why is it easier in society to be a lesbian than it is a gay man?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by anonmember, Apr 16, 2018.

  1. Creativemind

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    ^ So true OGS, I think gay guys (not all, as you have shown enough empathy in your comment) only see the sexual attention from their own selfish perspective. They want attention from guys, so they view us as lucky, like they totally miss the whole point that lesbian means "not into guys". Like I said, if straight women went around sexually harassing and assaulting gay men to the extent straight men do to lesbians, they would probably start getting annoyed and crying about how disgusting straight girls are to gay guys. I actually already see them do this when some women grab their crotches in gay bars, which they know is assault, but it goes over their head that straight men do the same thing to lesbians. It would be like if I said "wow, gay men are so lucky that straight women grab their crotches and want to turn them straight, I wish straight women would sleep with me!" It makes no sense and it lacks empathy for the other side who doesn't desire that kind of attention and is getting downright annoyed by it.
     
    #21 Creativemind, Apr 17, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2018
  2. BiBarefeet

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    I think it's more acceptable to be a lesbian than it is to be gay...gay men see gay women as cool, straight men just get horny fantasies over 2 women getting it on, and I think that the fact that women are emotionally more connected and open, touchy-feely, can kiss on the lips and hold hands without society batting an eyelid, etc, makes it seem more acceptable to be a lesbian. Guys are portrayed in society as strong, macho and hunter-gatherers, and so are competitive with their fellow man, aggressive and protective of their female mate. That stigma that society has against gay men especially, makes it difficult for them to connect and open up with other men, and touching in public is largely frowned upon.
    That said, and notwithstanding the above, I don't think it's any easier to be lesbian than gay. I think both sexual orientations are similar in that society discriminates against both of them in the most basic and fundamental ways, and which can result in gay and lesbian individuals becoming withdrawn, depressed and in some cases suicidal through feeling like social outcasts.
    For me, I feel stigmatised if I came out as a bisexual guy...both men and women, gay and straight, believe I am a confused gay guy. Bisexual women are a turn on for bisexual and straight guys, and society sometimes even encourages women to explore that sexual tension with each other, as a sexy and erotic form of voyeurism for the masses.
    That's the general impression I get, anyway.
     
  3. Creativemind

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    The word you're looking for is not "lesbian" it's "bisexual or bicurious woman". Bicurious women are accepted, not lesbians. Women can sleep with other women and that is acceptable, you're right. But the sex is only acceptable if it is purely casual play, where at the end of the day, the woman still marries a man or goes back to involve herself with men in general. If you admit to not sleeping with or dating men, society is completely outraged and will threaten you with homophobic slurs or rape threats.

    So let's get that clear. Sleeping with women IS acceptable. Not sleeping with/dating men is NOT acceptable. Therefore lesbianism by the truest word is not acceptable because lesbians don't marry or sleep with men. However, bicurious behavior in women IS acceptable because they only sleep with women casually, and then go back to marry men. Most lesbians don't have random casual sex with women, so they face the type of homophobia that bicurious or bisexual heteromantic women do not. It is only acceptable to be bisexual and heteromantic when it comes to sex.

    The thought isn't wrong, but you have to use the right words. BICURIOUS, not lesbian.
     
    #23 Creativemind, Apr 17, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2018
  4. Creativemind

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    Also, I can't edit my comment, but lesbian women actually face the same exact discrimination that bisexual men do, in that their sexualities are constantly disbelieved and crapped on. Bisexual men are told that "You're not REALLY bi, you're a confused gay guy who will leave your girlfriend for a man" and lesbians are told that "You're not REALLY gay, you're a confused bi woman who needs to learn to take dick like a real woman does".
     
  5. Butterfly8

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    From what I've heard there are more gay bars than lesbian bars so I would think the opposite. But I must admit I'm not really a part of the LGBTQ community yet so this is just what I've heard.
     
  6. Biguy45

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    I’ll second that. Most of my experiences are as a “straight” man. I may have accepted that I’m bi but I haven’t changed who I am. So I’m sure many here would not really consider me part of the community. In fact o probably have many disagreements with many of you. No big deal. Everyone is different
     
  7. BiBarefeet

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    Alright, calm down!
     
  8. Biguy45

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    Wow. That’s never a good comeback
     
  9. BiBarefeet

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    Well everyone has their own opinion on different subjects. I just don't appreciate being lectured to or talked at.
     
  10. Biguy45

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    No I get it. I have done so much arguing in my life I usually let things go now. If I said everything I think on this site. Half the people would shun me
     
  11. BiBarefeet

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    I get you. No need to argue about anything. The irony is that anyone trying to correct you and make you confirm to their way of thinking are no different from those straight walks of society and the media who try to make people conform to the belief that "straight is good".
    Anyway, I'm just going to pop to my car and get my bothered bag from the back seat.
     
  12. Creativemind

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    Nah dude, I get it. I'm just tired of sexist gay and bi men on this site. They think their problems are so terrible even though they go through the same things as the rest of us. I've been on this website for years, and it's a common thing for gay men to whine and cry about their problems, while silencing women and telling us that we have no issues like they do.

    As a woman, I am used to facing misogyny from men on a daily basis, whether it's in real life by straight guys or on this website by gay men and honestly, I'm just sick of it.
     
    #32 Creativemind, Apr 17, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2018
  13. BiBarefeet

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    Well I sympathize with your position and whatever you have had to put up with in your life. And I understand where you come from.
    Admittedly I can be sexiat/racist/homophobic sometimes in my joking around but I never actually believe the things I joke about, and I do not live by those things. I've always been behind women and personally think that, as long as they don't turn into men in their behaviourism, and remain kind, loving and compassionate, that they would make a much better go at running the world in a fairer way then men currently do.
     
  14. Richard321

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    All that having been said above, is it actually easier being lesbian in society than being a gay man?
     
  15. BiBarefeet

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    I sometimes think it would be easier for me to live as a lesbian than as a gay man lol.

    But seriously, I have no idea on the reality of either really. But naturally I know less about the female condition than that of males.
     
  16. Creativemind

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    Maybe it's just a natural bias to think the grass is greener or something?

    Many times I feel it would be easier for me to be a gay man. There are some benefits that gay men have that I am very jealous of, just like I'm sure they are also jealous of me in some ways.
     
  17. anonmember

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    Technically you are because you're questioning, which is the Q. Q can either be queer or questioning.
     
  18. Creativemind

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    Though that's not to say that gay men have it easier or vice versa. I just think there are pros and cons to both sides for example:
    Pros for lesbians: Less likely to get beaten up, less likely to be called horrible things (unless you are butch presenting), less likely to have your sex life gross out other people, less likely for people to assume you are gay because you called the same sex cute or hugged them, less likely to face strong gender role pressures (women can sleep with women and still be feminine, the same is not true for gay men)
    Pros for gay guys: Male privilege, less likely to be raped or assaulted by the opposite sex (and if harassed, more likely to push the opposite sex away due to physical power differences), More likely to have your sexuality acknowledged as a real/existing thing, more likely to have access to support groups for your sexuality (LGBT groups support gay men at the top, while lesbians entering the LGBT community face sexism and face pressure to sleep with men/be straight), less likely to go on a dating site and encounter the same sex trying to force you to have a threesome with the opposite sex, etc.
     
  19. Biguy45

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    And if you are a bi man most people will just assume you are gay. It is easier to slip into the mainstream world though if I told the guys at work I was bi, I’m sure I would just be called a fag. There are obvious pros and cons to all of them. It can be hard for all of us
     
  20. BiBarefeet

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    That's fair enough. Each person believes their own situation is the worst, because it affects them acutely. I mean, sometimes I think that bisexual guys like me have it really difficult, we have some straightness about us and so generally lead a straight life, meaning the gay side is automatically hidden. Meanwhile, most straight women are turned off by bi guys, some gay guys think we are just confused/in denial gay guys, and straight guys think we are sissies and effeminate, or are scared that we are going to try to hit on them.