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Why is it easier in society to be a lesbian than it is a gay man?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by anonmember, Apr 16, 2018.

  1. anonmember

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    I have heard this from a couple of people and I wonder how being a lesbian is any different than being a gay man.
     
  2. Biguy45

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    Or a bisexual man, if you can find someone to admit we exist Probably because most men are aroused by the thought of two women being together. Also, gay males are considered feminine and that is frowned upon in men
     
  3. Secrets5

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    Society UK it was legal for women to be together than with two men. Men who make the laws straight ones are aroused by women -- and there's two of them (!). but a "man" has to provide and produce offspring to carry his genes on so if he is with a man he cannot fulfil this role.
     
  4. emerry

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    Machismo. A woman is an emotional being and therefore can do stupid things. But a man needs to be effective all the time... No feelings for men, sorry. Men are machines.
     
  5. Destin

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    Mainstream society is run almost entirely by straight men. Straight men like naked women. Thinking of two naked women doing things to each other is exciting for a straight man. So they are ok with two women being together because they like thinking about their fantasy being reality.

    On the other hand - they think naked men are disgusting. So seeing gay men makes them think of disgusting things, which they don't like and are less accepting of because of it. It's a pretty huge double-standard but most of them don't see the irony in it.
     
  6. Biguy45

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    All of that is true but I can say that bi men appreciate women together as well. It is a double standard though
     
  7. Bi and emo

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    I think it's harder to expect that someone can be straight and gay or lesbian .
     
  8. Flynn S

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    It's based on societal perceptions of masculinity (I think). In the nineteenth century, being gay was considered a "hermaphrodism" of the soul, that is, men had the anatomy of men but, supposedly, the psyche of women (based on effeminacy/attraction). The laws at that time (at least in England) only forbid sodomy, which therefore could prosecute homosexual men but not homosexual women. So being lesbian wasn't really a crime; being gay, however, was.

    Somewhere along the line of history, after the fall of ancient Greece, as well as among different cultures, perceptions of masculinity shifted. Where once sexual intimacy between men had been to some extent encouraged, it later became gross and indecent.

    I'd say maybe the women's movement had something to do with the relaxing of gender roles which made both masculine women and sexual relations between women more acceptable in western society, but I'm not entirely sure that's supported by history.
     
  9. Creativemind

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    Just to clarify, I don't think it's as easy to be a lesbian as most gay guys think. What gay men see is straight men fawning over lesbians, calling them hot/sexy, and at the same time, bashing gay men, being mean, calling out slurs. So they think that lesbians are accepted because they just see men drooling over them.

    In reality, the men who drool over lesbian porn don't really accept actual lesbians. They think that lesbian means "will have a threesome with a man and a woman" and they get really violent and angry when they learn that lesbians don't sleep with men. I am a lesbian. I have had the experience where men will drool over me and ask to invite me, but when I say I don't sleep with men, they start screaming "dyke/carpet muncher" at me, and in one experience, the guy yanked my lesbian friend's arm really hard and then threatened to rape her in order to teach her a lesson about not liking guys. You also see this in the news about lesbian marriage. Guys will drool and cheer when two women have sex, but once the women actually get married, the same guys say stuff like "EW DYKES" or "Her wife?? A woman can't have a wife, it's a mental illness" or "Ban lesbians, they shouldn't adopt children because they'll kill them", or "gross, that's not a real marriage, they need a man to fuck right and to provide" etc.

    So it's just different. Straight men are more likely to beat up or kill gay men because they are grossed out by men being together. Straight guys are more likely to rape lesbians or sexually assault because they feel entitled to be a part of their sexuality.
     
    #9 Creativemind, Apr 16, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2018
  10. emerry

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    It's not that it's straight men, it's primitive dumb straight men. Being gay is not too hard to understand. I know plenty of straight men who never said or did anything like that. Who are friends with gays and lesbians and supportive of the LGBT.
     
  11. Biguy45

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    That’s a good point. Just because I’m aroused by the thought of two women together doesn’t mean I think they want me or any man to be involved. On the other hand, how common is it for women to be sroused by the thought of two men together? It seems not to be common but what the hell do i know
     
  12. emerry

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    Women fantasise about gay men, I've seen that a lot. Maybe it's not majority but it is a thing.

    I still think the difference is machismo. Even stupid women aren't as pushy or violent as stupid men... on average, of course.
     
    #12 emerry, Apr 16, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2018
  13. Biguy45

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    As a bisexual I’m turned on by all of it I guess
     
  14. Creativemind

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    Well true, you can't say it's all straight men but not all straight men are disgusted by gay guys and want to hurt them either. It's just that the straight men who are grossed out by gay guys, AND fetishize lesbian porn, tend to be equally dangerous to both gay men and lesbians. The difference is only a matter of physical violence vs. sexual violence.

    The reason why lesbians don't consider straight male arousal to be acceptance though is because a lot of the time it does lead to sexual harassment or sexual violence. Even the straight women who ARE aroused by gay guys tend to respect male homosexuality in the way that they wouldn't be that pushy. But if they were collectively aroused by gay men to the point they thought it would be funny to drug and ride them without consent, I doubt gay guys would find that to be pro-gay acceptance. Instead, they'd still be fearful of coming out to women in case they get raped (which is the fear lesbians have about straight guys currently). I'm not saying all straight men are rapists, I',m just saying that they are more pushy and more physically powerful than women are, so the fear of straight men raping is is a much larger fear and a threat than most gay guys would have toward a woman being turned on by them.

    The reason why I'm not a fan of the word "lesbians have it easier" is because in reality, it's not lesbians that straight men desire that way, it's bisexual women. Wanting to have a threesome with two women is bisexual activity, not lesbian activity. (though I'm not saying bi women have it any easier either) Women are allowed to have sex with each other in a way that men are not, but it's a huge social stigma and a huge risk to be a woman who says she won't sleep with or date men.
     
  15. anonmember

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    I have heard straight women say gay guy couples are cute.
     
  16. Andrew99

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    "Because lesbianism is hot."
     
  17. Shorthaul

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    That and a long time ago, women were property not people. And men usually had multiple wives...
     
  18. Flynn S

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    It is indeed a thing. Almost the entirety of the m/m romance genre is women, for example.
     
  19. OGS

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    I don't think it's true that it's easier to be a lesbian. First, well, they're women and at least in the States I think that still scores pretty high in the oppression Olympics. Second, I don't quite understand the idea that inappropriate unwanted sexual attention is somehow a plus.
     
  20. Biguy45

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    Yes I can agree with that. Bisexual women are attractive to men because they think there is a possibility of a threesome, which does happen, although never in my personal experience. I admit it remains a fantasy of mine, as well as a male male female threesome. These are just fantasies though I don’t expect them to happen nor would I force it to happen