1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Why do Straight men......

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Snowqueen, Apr 21, 2020.

  1. Snowqueen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2017
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Somerset
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Why do some straight men treat gay men like women? Is it because they view us a not male? I've noticed it a lot in everyday life, although not myself personally as I'm not out yet.
     
    Tightrope likes this.
  2. gravechild

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,345
    Likes Received:
    95
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Perhaps they sense you're not like them, and don't know how else to treat you?
     
    Tightrope and Snowqueen like this.
  3. Destin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2018
    Messages:
    2,018
    Likes Received:
    686
    Location:
    The United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Sleeping with women is one of the core components of being a man to like 90% of straight guys in the world. Since that piece is missing, the gay guy can't be a "real" man, therefore he must be more like a woman according to them.
     
    Franz007, Tightrope and gravechild like this.
  4. Mihael

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2015
    Messages:
    2,617
    Likes Received:
    504
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Maybe they see the femininity of personality in the gay guy and relate to that.
     
    gravechild likes this.
  5. Tightrope

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2013
    Messages:
    4,875
    Likes Received:
    174
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    It depends on the gay man. If the man isn't as masculine as they think he should be, that could be possible. If the man is masculine but not that interested in women, they'll still find a way to devalue him. This is not always true since it depends on the circles he is in by way of where he lives, where he works, and more.

    Right. For the vast majority of straight guys, that's true. But with more straight acting G-B men out and about, do you think they still view it that way? I think there's been a divide in thought here for a long time. That's what I've sensed over time.
     
    gravechild and Destin like this.
  6. Nickw

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,131
    Likes Received:
    1,110
    Location:
    Out West
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I’m puzzled by this a bit. What do you mean by treating gay men like women? I have two gay brothers and a gay sister and then there’s me who is bisexual.

    I’ve just not seen a lot of difference in the way the straight members of the family treat the gay members. Certainly, there is never anything resembling sexism.

    My male friends treat my gay friends like they are just one of the guys. I wonder if my experiences are not the usual?
     
  7. Snowqueen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2017
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Somerset
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people

    I think it's only some heterosexual men that do it, I've seen it in life in general.
     
  8. DecentOne

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2017
    Messages:
    666
    Likes Received:
    340
    Location:
    East Coast US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I don’t think I’ve seen this from straight people in this century. I didn’t treat gay men that way when I was straight. I’m too invisible as a bisexual guy, so I’m not getting any odd treatment myself.

    I’m in a pretty open and accepting environment though, so that doesn’t give me the experience that might come from other walks of life.
     
  9. maybgayguy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2015
    Messages:
    215
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    MN
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I admit that I don’t quite see this either.

    That being said, one of my biggest worries about coming out is about how my relationships with the straight men in my life will change. I like a lot of “guy” things such as fishing, hunting, watching sports, etc. and these activities typically involve other straight men. They are all quite open-minded so intellectually I know they would be fine with it...but there still is something that makes coming out to them challenging for me.
     
    MapleCross likes this.
  10. Snowqueen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2017
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Somerset
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people

    Like a said, I don't think it's all straight men, just some, thankfully most hetro guys, don't care. As for other men accepting it, they have 2 choices, accept it or stay away from me.
     
  11. Nickw

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,131
    Likes Received:
    1,110
    Location:
    Out West
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Unfortunately, this is a function of stereotyping that remains prevalent. Somehow, gay men don't enjoy "masculine" activities. I think this is perpetuated a bit by an element in the gay community and is, certainly, depicted this way in popular culture and the media. I know that one of the reasons I had trouble coming out to my wife was the fear that she would now think I would change what I like to do to more "gay" activities. Fortunately, this was not an issue.

    But, I do dread having to respond to the jokes. Even my wife teasing about me "now being cool with going shopping with her" hits a little too close to home. I am who I am and that's it. That said, I was involved with a group of guys who were out to their wives. The gatherings, which I didn't attend, were, certainly, "gay" themed.

    I don't believe heterosexual men treat gay men like women. I think they, for the most part, think that we are just a different version of male. But, I do think that the stereotyping does have an effect in how gay men (or gay women) are perceived by the general public. People like to put other people in categories. Being bisexual, I have seen how I am defined by my gay friends until they have gotten to know me.
     
    Tightrope and Snowqueen like this.
  12. Snowqueen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2017
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Somerset
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I don't think it would bother me, although it is wrong. I'm still me, still enjoy football and sports, and all the usual guy things. My bestest mate who knows is female and she will make some comments, like you'll soon be a proper little princess, which makes me smile as I know we are really close, and she's cool with who I am. Does annoy me when people who know you are openly a gay man expect you to be a hairdresser, flower shop owner, or have a camp voice and like makeup.
     
  13. Mihael

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2015
    Messages:
    2,617
    Likes Received:
    504
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I never experienced that coming out as a bisexual woman... weird. I just experienced women freaking out about my attraction to their gender. I mean maybe guys assumed I will be attracted to women exactly the same way they are, namely, visually, which maybe is true, but I know for a lot of bi women it isn’t.
     
    Snowqueen likes this.
  14. Snowqueen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2017
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Somerset
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people

    I think maybe with straight men they think we want to unzip all of them, which we dont, guess it's just fear of what they don't understand. No one is born homophobic, that's imprinted in to people at a young age. Some of my mates are very anti gay men, I don't think they mean it, just don't know any better.
     
    VanBo and Mihael like this.
  15. Mihael

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2015
    Messages:
    2,617
    Likes Received:
    504
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I mean the women weren’t homophobic per say... they were surprised and shocked and afraid of the foreign idea of two women being together , having sex and all.

    But I never got a reception in terms of treating me like a guy because of sexual orientation.
     
  16. Snowqueen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2017
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Somerset
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people

    Think it seems to be only applied to gay men, God knows why.
     
  17. Destin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2018
    Messages:
    2,018
    Likes Received:
    686
    Location:
    The United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    EF6huhTUUAAKbi6.jpg
     
    Snowqueen likes this.
  18. Tightrope

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2013
    Messages:
    4,875
    Likes Received:
    174
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I agree with this. It's a lot more like this from what I've seen. Many heterosexual men just wouldn't think they have much in common with G-B men.

    There is also the situation that men who are parenting or have parented a child and might be viewed in a better light than men who have not, even if their sexual needs and identity has shifted. They're parents. A lot of people with children view those who haven't been parents as irresponsible, selfish, or immature. There is even a big gap between heterosexual couples who have children and those who don't. The ones who amplify that gap tend to be the married people with children.
     
  19. Nickw

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,131
    Likes Received:
    1,110
    Location:
    Out West
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    This is SO true. My wife and I decided, early in our marriage, to be childless. My wife just had so much concern for her patients that she felt that was her true calling. That a child would get in the way with what she could provide.

    So, I recognize that even though I was perceived as straight I did not fit the mold of a man who had impregnated a woman. That somehow this made me a bit less of a man...in the eyes of some. But, my good friends seem above this train of thought. Maybe I’ve sought those people out.

    When I look at that dynamic I wonder if this explains a bit why my wife and I have so many gay friends over the years...long before I came out.
     
    Tightrope likes this.
  20. Destin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2018
    Messages:
    2,018
    Likes Received:
    686
    Location:
    The United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Completely random question, but does she regret it now? If I remember correctly from other posts she's a psychiatrist right?

    I'm a newly accepted med student and am a bit worried that'll happen to me.

    My dad is also a physician and he's the type where his entire world has revolved solely around his patients for his entire life despite having a somewhat large family. The traditional "family vs. work" conflicts medical people go through was never a conflict to him, work automatically won 100% of the time in all scenarios even when it was totally unnecessary for him to be there and he knew it.

    I tend to lean the same way and very easily get stuck in workaholic mode until someone forcibly drags me out of it. I've always wanted kids, which is obviously much more difficult in a gay relationship now, but I'm kinda worried I'll turn into my dad and make my kids feel as hurt by it as I did as a kid. On the other hand I don't know if I'd forever regret not having kids later on and feel like I made the wrong decision.
     
    Tightrope likes this.