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Why do some people think they can get straight people into bed?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Whywhy123, Aug 23, 2020.

  1. I'mStillStanding

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    Right?! Or the... “is it true guys are better at oral? I mea it seems like guys would know what guys want right?” It is super cute seeing them try and be coy with the questions.
     
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  2. Tightrope

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    Really? That's not what I've seen. I don't want to open a can of worms for something that could be another thread but a lot of this could be based on who has the upper hand. I might agree that a good number of average guys might not be treated as well compared to the hot guys. The problem is that a good number of these guys can't just walk away. That's what they should do!

    Good posts. It looks like both your approach and the way I'mStillStanding has acted can work.
     
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  3. Nickw

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    I think it is true that a lot of women want more romance. So, if you want to just hook up and you are bisexual...even a little bit...it is easier to find a guy who will oblige.

    So. If you are bicurious, it doesn’t take much to give it a shot. Especially, if it is a confidential thing. It’s one thing having gay sex, it is quite another to be defined as gay.

    Looking back, I see that a lot of my friends would have tried gay sex. There were lots of hints and play that headed that way. I would have been terrified to let on that I would be into it too. I knew I wanted it so bad and was worried that I was reading too much into the situation.
     
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  4. QuietPeace

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    As a woman who has been forced to be really rude to a LOT of men, it is because politely saying no thank you does not get men who just walk up to me and try to pressure me for sex to leave me alone.

    I don't think it is just us women but it could be true that it is more often true of us than men. I certainly do not want sex outside of a meaningful relationship
     
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  5. BiGemini87

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    Regarding the initial point of the thread, I do see what the OP is saying: I find it pretty irritating when straight people (even jokingly) claim they can bed a gay/lesbian person. It's pretty presumptuous for anyone to think they can "turn" anyone else, just because they're "that good/hot/etc." and completely disrespectful to the subject of their attentions--so yeah, I'm going to think it's equally as presumptuous and disrespectful when a gay/lesbian/bi person tries that same crap on a straight person.

    I'm not talking about people sleeping with someone who thinks they're straight or has entered into some confused/experimental state, because that's a different thing entirely; as long as there's no abuse or manipulation involved, there's nothing wrong with sleeping with someone who otherwise labels themselves straight.

    I disagree on the point that sex with the same gender=gay, because things are a lot more complicated than that. Like it's been said, sometimes people experiment out of open-mindedness ("try anything once") or confusion. We see this within the LGBT too, where some people who have labelled themselves bi have turned out to be fully gay/les, or people who thought they were gay/les turned out to be bi. Sexual orientation is a complex thing and people inevitably wind up asking themselves a lot of questions surrounding it. Also on the point of sex=orientation, it completely negates the reality that people can know their orientation without having had sex with anyone. I've never had sex with another woman, but I know that I am sexually attracted to them.

    Sex may play a part, but it isn't the first nor the only indicator of one's orientation. So yeah, I think it's important to see the nuance in these situations.
     
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  6. Whywhy123

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    You get my point partly. I was not saying you're necessarily "gay". I also did not say that experimenting once labels your sexuality. Just if the act of having sex with the same gender CONTINUES, it's when the possibility of being Kinsey 0 disappears.

    I am honestly shocked by a lot of replies here, a majority of them still try to imply that you can get any straight person to bed. As someone else said, there is a difference between straight and "straight".
     
  7. Tightrope

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    You said, "So, if you want to just hook up and you are bisexual...even a little bit...it is easier to find a guy who will oblige."

    I read this last week and had to come back to applaud you. This is exactly what is going on for men and women who are a little bisexual. The "even a little bit" nails it on the head. That's why there can be misunderstanding between GL and B folks. I've been given lectures before on choosing and the tone was not nice. It was condescending. Bisexuality has different tilts for the members here, so it has a different tilt for almost all bi folks out there.

    I've only had a few really good bisexual friends. I wish I still did. Some things, such as a couple of them having problems with alcohol and other addictive behaviors which pushed boundaries, caused the friendships to end. Aside from that, the friendships felt right. Better than with homophobic straight folks, or heterophobic gay and lesbian folks - there are some - who I prefer to avoid. One of these bi friends (married) made a joke and said that if you're an okay looking guy, you could do 10 guys in a week and 1 girl in 10 weeks. He was oversimplifying but it goes to say that sex is more available.

    I have some of these friends who might be wrapped in other packaging. They are friends I went to school with, they hinted at or hit on me back then, and they're now married and I'm still in contact with them to have lunch or socialize with them. I don't even bring it up for discussion and they don't either. It's none of my business how their private life is going and what's going through their head sexually when I'm only there to have lunch with them and they don't bring up these topics. There's plenty else to catch up on. I don't need to rattle cages. I believe most of them are somewhat happy and working at raising their kids. The difference between the bi friends I lost along the way is that we could talk graphically about sex, intimacy, and relationships. If you think about it, that's the major difference between having GLB friends and straight friends. You will still talk about all the other things with everyone.
     
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  8. gravechild

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    Yeah, a part of that might be biological (women aren't driven to procreate with as many men as they can find, plus the "costs" are a lot greater for them), as well as cultural (its frowned upon for women to be too "forward" or have many partners). They also have a more... holistic? approach, where looks aren't everything (sometimes they don't even come into the picture!)

    It really shows up in gay male vs lesbian relationships.
     
  9. Nickw

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    @Tightrope

    You brought up an issue that is maybe my biggest issue in life. I don’t have someone to really chat with who is a bisexual and gets how it feels. My gay friends just don’t. For awhile I would get upset with the comments about “giving up pussy”. Now, I just feel they are trying to understand on some level so I get off my high horse about being upset...most of the time.

    I love my FWB. And, at this point he and my wife are so attached that he will be with me forever...in some capacity. But, I still long for meeting that “brother who really gets it!
     
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  10. Bastion

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    It’s a very interesting, intriguing and curious topic of discussion. I like that someone brought this up. During my search for answers on sexuality and it’s complex nature I came across many articles actually written about this and if I recall correctly there are even two books written about this subject in particular.
    I don’t know if it had existed for a long time and people didn’t talk about it. Some people are referring to it as a new kind of sexual behavior or orientation of its own.
    They refer to it as the “Mostly Straight” orientation. That some straight guys are having sexual encounters with or experiences with each other or gay or bi people but they are still straight.

    Sometimes awhile back. I was hanging out with a group of lgbtq+ people, and some gay guys were actually talking about it as this hot thing or fantasy or even challenging each other that they can get straight guys in the sac and maybe turn them. I still don’t understand it.

    There are a lot of factors and reasons I guess that goes into it. Some were mentioned also I think by Joe kort in a video.

    Some were mentioned by the guys here. Like open-mindedness, curiosity, being adventurous, experimenting. Something that starts as a male bonding, bromance and then becomes something else.

    It might also be due to alcohol or being under the influence of other things. Or it just might be because someone is just horny and wants to have sex at particular time, place and situation.

    Some people have mentioned hookups for sex are more available or easier between guys than getting women to do that because they need more of an emotional connection that may or may not take more time to build.

    There is no clear explanation for this. I think it just comes down to human sexuality being complicated and is not always black and white.
     
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  11. Bastion

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  12. Whywhy123

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    Yep, but the points you brought up still don't mean you can get ANY straight person in bed, just like a lot of people are thinking. You need to look for the MOSTLY straight ones.
     
  13. I'mStillStanding

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    Let’s take straight and gay out of this a second... I wanna point out how the idea that a person thinks that they can get ANYONE in bed isn’t just super narcissistic, it’s kinda creepy predatory too. So I mean when guys jokingly say they are a flipper, who land straight guys, or whatever... if you insist on taking it literally... well then we got a problem when you consider all the other things we often jokingly say that shouldn’t be taken literally either!

    There have been major good points made in this discussion. I’m super offend when I hear things like... you’ve just not been with the right girl (guy for the lesbians) in serious manners, or that sleeping with someone of the opposite sex will help with the gayness... that kinda shit is offensive. So I mean I definitely think we need to be more aware on how we joke or say things to people who are straight or who’s sexuality we don’t know... I also think that my point earlier about assuming someone sexuality is ridiculous needs to be revisited lol. We see the posts about celebrities (Shawn Medes, Nick Jonas, etc.) and their sexuality. It’s not cool at all! In fact it’s doing to people (and I named celebrities but clearly we doing it to random guys in communities too) the very thing that was done to me and a lot of other gay people when we’re growing up... terrorizing someone about their sexuality. No one owes us anything, espically when it comes to defining their sexuality or acting on it. So maybe that should be a take away is all I’m saying...
     
  14. Bastion

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    Hey@JustAskin

    I am not really sure I understand what you are trying to say. So are you upset that some straight people are sleeping with same sex people? Or that some gay people are seducing straight men.

    Since you are familiar with the Kinsey scale you know that there is a broad spectrum. There are many scales and measures and studies of sexuality of this kind but even so there is no clear cut answer.

    I believe every single person is unique whatever his orientation may be or not be.

    I don’t think people are willingly deceiving, manipulating or forcing other people to sleep with them gay or straight, woman or man or others. That would be downright cruel and perverse.

    So Whatever happens between adults am sure it’s consensual. And these things need to be clarified. It’s not people using other people for sexual reasons.

    Also you may find that lot of people joke or brag sometimes about these things.

    Don’t take them so seriously. Just be With whoever you want to be, with whoever you want to have a connection with, date or whatever with the understanding that both of you want the same things and are on the same page.
     
  15. Chip

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    Having worked with and talked to a lot of women about related issues, I can say that I've heard this from virtually every one of them under 30. It's really, really bad. People don't take no for an answer, and most of the women I have talked to have resorted to talking about nonexistent boyfriends, as that seems to be the only way to get straight guys to back off.

    I think this is in part a byproduct of the awful Youtube channels that teach and promote this aggressive, devaluing, and manipulative approach to walking up, cold, and simply not taking no for an answer. How anyone can actually believe this is effective in the long term is beyond me. Anyone that agrees is probably being intimidated into participating, and if a relationship results, it is almost certainly not balanced. But these behaviors are a reality.

    In that way, I do think that women have it much harder than gay men. I have not heard nearly as many men talking about that sort of really aggressive behavior (except for the occasional 60 year old creeper trying to convince a 20 year old, and those folks, quite honestly, I don't think deserve much in the way of compassion, as they've had plenty of time to figure out their behavior isn't socially acceptable.)
     
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  16. Nickw

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    @Chip

    I haven't witnessed this aggressive behavior from younger guys I am around when they are making their "moves" on women. I wonder if this is a regional thing? I hang out with a lot of young people in my activities (climbing, skiing and biking). The single guys treat the women really well. But, this is a liberal mountain town and maybe it's different here. It sucks that women where you are are subject to this behavior.

    Now, I have been the subject of repeated attempts by younger men to have sex with them. To be honest, I probably bring this on a bit when I first meet and there is some flirting. And, these were "gay" events such as gay ski week where I think some of the guys thought it was some sort of meat market. In one case, the behavior was so explicit that I had to tell the guy to leave a public place and I apologized to a family for what the guy had loudly said he wanted me to do to with him. That was when I was just out and hadn't been with a guy. It was common knowledge with the group of guys I was with. So, there was a predatory element to being my first.

    I think there are a couple of different things we are talking about here. One is guys (both straight and gay) that are predatory. Those that want to just have sex with someone as a sort of conquest. This is despicable in my opinion. Then there are the guys (or women) that really want to, mutually, share an intimate experience with another human. Maybe these people are not interested in defining that experience as "gay" or "straight" and maybe this intimacy is just mutual exploration. It's those encounters that I see as harmless.
     
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  17. Chip

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    Honestly, I had not observed it either. It came up for the first time when I was running a group, and two of the younger women were talking about how annoying it was constantly having men hit on them... and others in the group joined in. I had not heard this before, and that prompted me to start asking people about it, and was surprised that pretty much -every- woman under 30 described this (much the way just about -every- gay guy under 35 has been hit on, often aggressively and unrelentingly, by older gay men). So it might be regional, as the sampling is here in the Sacramento area. But I seem to hear similar things from other places, albeit isolated instances.
     
  18. I'mStillStanding

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    I hate being down the middle on anything... I tend to like go feel like things are black and white but there are gray areas, I’ve had to accept that. This is one of them. I mean, one a night stand is on people’s bucket list and that’s tech a conquest... I don’t think there is anything wrong with that as long as both people go into it knowing it’s a hook up ‍♂️ Same with any other kinda encounter... like a guy in scrubs is just hot to me lol doesn’t mean I wanna date him, but if an opportunity to hook up is there it’s hard to say no because it’s kinda a weakness... Along with other uniforms hahahahaha. So I mean these are kinda conquests but it’s a mutual agreed on random encounter... not a predatory I’m out to trick someone into something. I’m not looking for an emotional connection, the situation checks off some super hot box and that’s kinda motivating ‍♂️

    But if the notch on the bed post is achieved through deception or manipulation than it’s totally despicable!
     
  19. QuietPeace

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    I could not agree more.

    @Chip I am almost 60 and I have had a problem with this for longer than YouTube has existed.

    As far as it being regional, I had the same problem in multiple states and in multiple countries, though I have much less of a problem with it here in the Nordic country where I live now. To me it seems to be centered around consent because I have had just as much problem with people pressuring me to join their churches as I have had with men trying to "conquer" me.
     
  20. I'mStillStanding

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    Yaaaaaasssss! It’s a problem understanding no means no... not just with sex but with a lot of stuff. Even family pressuring you to do shit. I see it here a lot with sex in the gay community people expecting just because you’re gay you should be open to having sex with them... or that because you agree to hang out you should have sex with them... or because you set up an encounter where it’s just suppose to be like make out and oral well you're there so they should be able to just stick it in cause I mean you’re there and that means it’s ok! And I know girls deal with the pressure from some straight guys, and definitely in relationships it seems which is odd to me. Rape culture is super real in all aspects of society!
     
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