1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Why do some people think they can get straight people into bed?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Whywhy123, Aug 23, 2020.

  1. Whywhy123

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2020
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Sweden
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I mean, just like gay people wouldn't want a sexual activity with the opposite sex, straight people wouldn't want a sexual activity with the same sex. I have already seen a lot of threads where people said that "having sex with the same sex doesn't make you any less straight" and I simply disagree. It's called SEXuality for a reason. Also, by "sexual activity" we mean everything from receiving blowjobs to having a penis in your anus.

    Some compare it to gay men having wives and sleeping with women but gay people do it because they are pressured and they some countries don't even accept gay sex. Straight people don't feel any kind of pressure so therefore they don't need to have sex with the gender they aren't attracted to

    So please do not try to get straight people into bed and if a "straight" person enjoys sexual activity with the same sex just support them and tell them it's ok to be more bisexual than you think
     
    Tightrope likes this.
  2. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member Away

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,229
    Likes Received:
    1,461
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I do agree that we shouldn't actively seek out sexual encounters with people who are straight because it can lead to all sorts of trouble, but I also think we need to be careful not to rush to judgement or start labelling people as bisexual (or anything else actually). Human sexuality is rarely a black and white issue and there may be any number of variables to consider in each individual case. Having said that, I don't think two people of the same sex just decide to blow or fuck each other on a whim. If/when it happens, it's because there has been some forethought about it and both parties are willing to explore, experiment and indulge their curiosity. Experience suggests that it never remains a one-off curiosity though and as sure as night follows day, those deeper and more difficult questions will follow... but that's not the point at which we should label someone, because the individual concerned is likely to be at their most confused and vulnerable state then.
     
    BiGemini87 and Tightrope like this.
  3. justinf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2012
    Messages:
    1,212
    Likes Received:
    33
    Location:
    Amsterdam
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I disagree for the most part.

    I do agree with PatrickUK that it’s probably not something that happens on a whim; there would probably have to be some sort of curiosity beforehand. That being said, curiosity (or even confusion) aren’t necessarily indicators of sexuality.

    I truly believe that some guys are just naturally more adventurous and willing to try new things, which may include having sex with another guy out of pure curiosity. They may enjoy that one encounter for what it is (a once in a lifetime experience), and decide that one time was enough to satisfy their curiosity and that they have no desire to do it again. The fact that they did get some enjoyment out of the encounter doesn’t make these guys gay or bi, it just makes them open-minded and adventurous.

    The same goes for guys who are actually questioning their sexuality. They too may try sex with someone of the same gender, enjoy it on a certain level, but decide it’s not as fulfilling as sex with someone of the opposite gender.

    I do get what you mean: sexuality is about whom you find yourself sexually attracted to, which in turn implies it is about sex. While of course that is true, I think being sexually attracted to someone isn’t necessarily the same as being able to enjoy having sex with them. The former has to do with actual attraction to a person, whereas the latter can be about a number of different things, such as curiosity, exploration, opportunity, etc.

    Now of course there are a lot of these self-proclaimed straight people who aren’t as straight as they say or think they are, but it’s certainly not impossible that some of them are in fact totally straight.

    In any case, should it really matter what their sexuality is? There’s no need to put a label on every single person, and at the same time everyone is allowed to carry whatever label they see fit. There’s really no such thing as agreeing or disagreeing with how someone else identifies.

    Lastly, I think that turning this it into such a black-and-white issue will just make it harder for people to feel comfortable exploring their sexuality, which I think is something we should be cautious of.
     
  4. Destin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2018
    Messages:
    2,025
    Likes Received:
    687
    Location:
    The United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Because they can. Been there, done that, more than a few times.

    Is it a good thing? Probably not, no, but it happens. If people are horny enough they'll bang basically anything.

    I don't think it makes them bisexual, just horny.
     
    Bastion likes this.
  5. Whywhy123

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2020
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Sweden
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Sorry, but to have sex with someone, you have to feel SOME kind of attraction to a degree.

    Checking which gender you enjoy sex with is one of the best ways to determine your sexuality. Yes, a straight person may experiment once or twice and decide it's not for them, then they're straight. But if they not only continue but also start DESIRING it, then they must be at least Kinsey 1.

    You still didn't change my view that a big part of you thinks they can get straight people into bed. Imagine if you went to a forum for straight people and someone told you "yes, you can get a lesbian/gay man into bed as a man/woman, been there, done that"
     
  6. justinf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2012
    Messages:
    1,212
    Likes Received:
    33
    Location:
    Amsterdam
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Of course this isn’t a very accurate comparison. A big part of what drives (presumably) straight people to have sex with others of the same sex is either curiosity or confusion (or both). You’re not likely to find those two elements in most (fully out) gay people, as they have generally already worked through any of said curiosity or confusion.

    Still, we don’t have to agree. I just think you need to be careful putting labels on others, regardless of your personal views on the matter.
     
    Bastion and BiGemini87 like this.
  7. Destin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2018
    Messages:
    2,025
    Likes Received:
    687
    Location:
    The United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have a particular straight friend who I accidentally drunkenly hooked up with once at a party. He’s completely straight and has zero signs of any sort of emotional or physical attraction towards dudes. We had sex probably 50+ times since then until my open relationship changed to closed.

    When I asked him why he likes it when he’s not gay he said he didn’t realize until the accidental hookup that sex with a dude still feels good without attraction and it was easier to do it with me than search for/spend money on girls. It was purely a “what’s the easiest way to orgasm with a human” situation for him.

    It might be rare, but it happens.I pretty much felt the same way about banging girls when I used to do that as a teen.
     
    #7 Destin, Aug 24, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2020
    Bastion and BiGemini87 like this.
  8. Shorthaul

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2016
    Messages:
    1,354
    Likes Received:
    189
    Location:
    Idaho
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I think there are lot of people who have done lots of things while drunk that would disagree with you. Also pity sex is a thing.
     
    BiGemini87, justinf and Destin like this.
  9. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    15,004
    Likes Received:
    2,931
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have a friend who had a remarkable ability to get straight boys into the sack. Sometimes alcohol was involved, sometimes not. If manipulation or coersion or alcohol or other drugs are involved, then it's about as wrong as it gets. But if it's genuine curiosity and openmindedness, that's a different thing.

    I do think that millennials and gen-z folks are a lot less uptight in general about sexual activity and experimentation than earlier generations.
     
    Bastion, BiGemini87, Nickw and 3 others like this.
  10. Tightrope

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2013
    Messages:
    4,907
    Likes Received:
    190
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'd leave the labels out. Most of these situations probably end without much discussion. They can end where satisfaction is expressed with what just happened between two people and they can end where people get bent out of shape over what happened.

    I like that you brought this up topic. It's fresh material. I was doing some googling and followed some links lately. It's beside the point, but I also ended up on Joe Kort's website or a page having to do with him. I had no idea what he looked like and what his life story was. I believe he had an opinion on this topic.

    I responded because I would not want to be someone's first. Especially if they're mentally weighed down by exploration and what it means. Every now and then, I get a twinge of guilt about some things that happened after I left the college campus and began working even if they didn't involve sex. There were a couple of situations I can remember where I did the nanosecond too long look at married suits downtown. One of them was uncomfortable with it and the other was trying to figure it out and figure me out. A friend that was a good pal at about this time told me that I displayed some skittish nervousness when this happened and he believed it could be read.

    What I read on line is that most married or straight guys are flattered by the attention, even if they have no intention of acting on it. The article or forum said that men are wired to sow seed and being seen as good candidates is viewed positively. That's if it stops right there. If the interested person was persistent, they could be in over their head and get into some kind of trouble that the other person would stir up for them. Those few extremely attractive people get looked at all the time and it probably reinforces what they knew all along, so they probably don't mind. Some very attractive straight people take it as far as to tease. That crosses the line.

    I've also heard it called charity sex.

    Some predominately straight men and women have experimented along the way. But when they're predominately straight, it makes me think about what the frequency was, why they experimented, and if it wound down or kept going. People who have had a select few sexual experiences with their own gender bring on a fair bit of curiosity for me - about their needs and motives.

    This post has me wondering what enabled this friend of yours to pull this off!

    I have joked that something like the touchless Covid thermometers for other wrong reasons could be interesting. I thought of this way before Covid. This gizmo would give accurate read outs of people's scorecards and pie charts.
     
    Bastion and BiGemini87 like this.
  11. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    15,004
    Likes Received:
    2,931
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, this was about 25 years ago, and as near as I can tell, either he had great capacity to identify the ones who would play around, or made it sound enticing, or something. He was then in his mid-20s and most of the guys were also in their early to mid-20s.

    There is an increasing discussion among clinicians about what Destin suggests, that younger men are simply less stigmatized about the idea of hookiing up with another guy, and really have no interest in anything other than a good orgasm. This is a controversial view, and not mainstream, and I'm not sure I buy it, but it is interesting to read about and talk to the clinical professionals who are seeing this.
     
  12. gravechild

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,361
    Likes Received:
    95
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yeah, too many guys of my generation and older have this idea that "if you do x, you are NOT straight"

    I think there is straight, and there is "straight"
     
    BiGemini87 and Tightrope like this.
  13. Tightrope

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2013
    Messages:
    4,907
    Likes Received:
    190
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Straight would be at the very end of a scale like Kinsey's and "straight" would be a little bit away from the endpoint. For people who are genuinely wired to be on the endpoint and those who are portraying that because it's the right thing to do based on their religion, culture, and reference group, people who are "straight" - in quotes, so a little bit off the endpoint - might prove too much for them!
     
    #13 Tightrope, Aug 25, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2020
    BiGemini87 and gravechild like this.
  14. I'mStillStanding

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2016
    Messages:
    939
    Likes Received:
    328
    Location:
    East Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don’t get the need to define another person’s sexuality?! I mean if a guy says he’s straight then he’s straight, until he says other wise. Why does it matter if he’s curious? Why does it matter if he’s had sex/or is having sex with a guy? It’s sooooooo funny that this topic takes up so much time for people.

    I slept with plenty of “straight” guys. I’m non-threatening I guess and that makes them lower their guard and be a lot more willing to explore it lol. Some I 100% believe aren’t straight but are struggling with their sexuality. But it’s not up to me to figure it out and label it for them, nor should I openly speculate. Others I believe are 100% straight and just horny. They don’t look at sex with a guy as a way of emotionally, romantically, or spirituality connecting with another man. They look at it like getting off with help! It’s basically mutual masturbation. Something a lot of guys have done at some point.
     
    Bastion, BiGemini87 and Tightrope like this.
  15. RD Spencer

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2020
    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    18
    Location:
    Western Wa
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    The frustrating part about all this is that, a bisexual or straight guy who throws a gay vibe will instantly be labeled by those on both sides of the fence even though said guy has only been with women and has never done anything with another guy. No opportunity on their part to tell their own story.

    Then on the other hand those who come off very straight seem to have a free pass to do whatever with no judgment from anyone.

    Even the very liberal crowds I used to hang out with had this attitude.
     
    BiGemini87 likes this.
  16. Destin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2018
    Messages:
    2,025
    Likes Received:
    687
    Location:
    The United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I possess that ability too. Honestly it's about 1/3 flirting skills, 1/3 figuring out who the more open minded ones are, and 1/3 impressing them by being more fun and showing them more attention than girls do. Most straight guys, even really hot ones, get treated like dirt 90% of the time by women they try to hook up with. The idea of someone actually pursuing them, having fun with them, and treating them well catches them off guard and is very enticing even if it's another guy.
     
    #16 Destin, Aug 25, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2020
    Bastion, Tightrope and gravechild like this.
  17. I'mStillStanding

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2016
    Messages:
    939
    Likes Received:
    328
    Location:
    East Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Seem I’m kinda the opposite on how I’ve ended up in bed with the straight guys I’ve been with... I act normal around them, I mean I’m fem anyway... but if they talk about sex or tell dirty jokes I do the same just with gay themes lol. I appear super non threatening as in yea I’m gay but I’m not interested in anything with you guys but friendship. And honestly that’s all I am interested in... well and maybe sex cause I’m gay but only from guys who want sex with guys lol. Then the questions start... once the questions start I know the game is on!
     
    Tightrope and Destin like this.
  18. Destin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2018
    Messages:
    2,025
    Likes Received:
    687
    Location:
    The United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've seen that work too, but it only seems to be possible for fem guys like you said. I'm too masculine for it so they just see me as a fellow dude-bro to party with unless I lay on the flirting. I too talk about sex and dirty jokes with them, and yeah this seems to kinda only work for non-threatening guys like us...I watched a 6'5 guy try it once and there was just immediate fear from the straight guys the second they realized he was interested in them.

    The questions are my favorite too haha, the way they try to ask about gay stuff without looking too gay is kinda cute. "so..like...um...what does a dick...um...taste like?...but! but! I wouldn't want to um...try it, I'm just um...curious for um...reasons"
     
  19. Nickw

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,137
    Likes Received:
    1,123
    Location:
    Out West
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I have to say that as a bisexual I am one of those guys you would have assumed was straight and you enticed him into gay sex.

    I am, firmly, In the camp that there are more bisexuals out there than we credit. I’ve only met a few other out bi guys. But the behavior is similar. It is easier to take the straight side in life if you are presented with both. So, maybe us bisexual men are with women because it feels good and it is what we are supposed to be. So we can claim straight.

    I have to say that intimacy with men and intimacy with women are different for me. In a way, I feel sorry for guys that don’t ever experience both.

    So, go ahead and seduce a “straight” guy. Just be honest and safe.
     
    Tightrope and gravechild like this.
  20. Tom41

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2020
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I've found this thread really interesting. I'm recently out as bisexual. I've been in an amazing relationship with my wife for 12 years and we are close friends and have amazing sex together. I find women attractive, sometimes I think about having sex with other women I meet, not because I want to or will though.

    But at the same time I have always found some men attractive. I've thought about what it would be like to have sex with them for years. For me it was very much a physical thing. It was the way it made me feel thinking about doing things with a man and having an orgasm. I had no desire to be with a man romantically or emotionally. In fact a lot of my thoughts were about how much easier it may be to have sex with a man. Just purely about the physical feeling of having sex. A lot of women need an emotional connection before being intimate with someone. Men seem to be more able to just talk about sex on a more physical level.....just doing things that make you feel hot and having an orgasm.

    I finally went online recently and met up with a guy. I was keen to try out everything I could and I have to admit some things felt better than others, but it was pretty much working out what feels good and what doesn't rather than looking for anything else.

    I've spent a long time thinking about what this means for me as a predominantly 'straight' guy. In the end I find it difficult to identify with an particular group....but maybe bisexual is probably the closest. In the end of the day I just feel I get different things from different sexes, but for me I think the main reason I find guys attractive is because I'm inquisitive about what they do with their bodies compared to what I do, I like the way some things make me feel in a totally different way to being with a woman, and I like the way they find me attractive, and I like the way guys connect as friends in a male bonding kind of way which is totally different to connecting with a woman.
     
    Bastion and Tightrope like this.