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Why do people judge my natural appearance more than my style?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Tre, Dec 7, 2017.

  1. Tre

    Tre
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    I have a pretty gay haircut, but my face and body type are feminine. So people see me as straight or maybe bi. I hate that my face makes people see me as less legit.
     
  2. Creativemind

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    This is starting to become an obsession, you shouldn't care about what other people think for your looks. Live for yourself. As a lesbian with long hair (and a preference for feminine clothing), I'm sure people see me as 'straight' due to stereotypes, but that is their problem.
     
  3. Jackie Ray

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    To hell with what they say, as I told another user, we dress up nice, get haircuts and look beautiful for ourselves first. As long as you like you who cares what they think.
     
  4. AlexTheGrey

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    And I don't think it's really fair to think that there is a "gay" style, or haircut, or body type. Stereotypes? Sure. But there's no right way to express yourself, no matter your gender or who you are attracted to.

    EDIT: But it does suck when people try to buttonhole you based on your expression.
     
    #4 AlexTheGrey, Dec 7, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2017
  5. Jackie Ray

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    I dunno, the she mullet with skinned sides is lesbian haircut, its sole purpose is to say "we're here we're queer, go f yourselves".
     
  6. Tre

    Tre
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    I guess you're right. I'm just obsessed with not being legit in general. So I'm not so upset about not looking gay. I'm upset about not looking legit. I also dislike doctors because of this obsession. I often don't bother because I assume they won't think my health issues are legit. A lot of the time I don't actually care about looking gay. I'm more upset that my attempts to look gay aren't working.
     
    #6 Tre, Dec 7, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2017
  7. AlexTheGrey

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    I guess I don't quite get what you are trying to say here in response to what I was saying. I was trying to say "there is no right way to express your sexuality". And this seems a little unrelated. I admit there are definitely stereotypes, but nobody should be asked to conform to them, IMO.

    That haircut in particular makes me think more about the overlap between the queer and punk communities, more than "lesbian" by itself. But for me, I hung out more with the tomboy and goth crowds when I was younger. All my lesbian friends were fond of flannel and low maintenance hair. /nerd
     
  8. Jackie Ray

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    I was just having fun, making a joke.
     
  9. Tre

    Tre
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    I kind of do want to look more punk than gay. But I find I just look like a kinky bi girl instead.
     
  10. Lin1

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    I was shopping with a (straight) friend the other day and she was trying on clothes but none of the colour she tried on I felt suited her so I suggested a different darker tone which I felt would fit her skin tone. She looked at it, didn't seem too convinced and asked if I was suggesting it because the top was in a "dykie color". I was confused (and slightly offended) because I had never heard of the concept of a "dykie color" nor did I feel that color were representative of someone's sexuality so I asked her to explained but she was unabled to. Long story short she ended up buying the top, wearing it on a date the next day and getting laid (with a man) so I texted her a bit tongue in cheek saying "so much for a lesbian shirt hey!" and we laughed, she admitted she was silly and that there was no such thing as a "lesbian color".

    The moral of my story is that a shorter haircut won't make you "more gay", you are already gay and that's as gay as you are ever going to be, that's gay enough. There is no such a thing as "looking gay". Short hair don't make you gay. Loving and being intimate with women is what makes you gay, and you can do that in heels and a dress or in baggy pants and T-shirt, the results will be exactly the same. Femmes are as legitimate as butch when it comes to being a lesbian because haircuts and clothes don't define sexuality.

    I am a femme attracted to other femme and I will tell you one thing. Straight people may assume I am straight but when a queer girl enters the room, she knows, I know, we both know, and it's all that matter. Even if everyone assumed I was straight all I really have to do is say something along the lines of " Actually, I am into girls" and looking "straight" doesn't stop me from being queer, acting queer and hardcore flirting with a woman if I like one.

    And also what does a "kinky bisexual" looks like? I am curious to even hear what a bisexual is supposed to look like tbh (even though I am pretty sure I won't like the answer). It may not be your intention but you are coming across as quite offensive with your stereotypes.
     
    #10 Lin1, Dec 7, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2017
  11. Jackie Ray

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    Your haircut isnt important, get a pageboy cut if you want! (Just kidding PB's are heinous). Your issues are with you, you need to accept that; nobody gives a hoot about being "legit", only you. You are the legit you, the genuine article.
     
  12. Tre

    Tre
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    I actually do worry about not truly being gay. Sometimes I feel like I'm not attracted to girls enough. I also worry about being attracted to men. Even though I don't actually want to be with guys. I just keep looking for excuses not to be with them.

    I couldn't think of a better term. Basically this kind of look.
    [​IMG]
     
  13. Lin1

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    Well I think the problem lies with you. Stop over stressing over labels that mean absolutely nothing, who cares if you are gay or bi? You don't project yourself with a man, that's all there is to know. Most girls (the ones who are worth it anyway) won't care what you identify as, what they will want to know is "are you into them?"

    You seem to be obessed about not wanting to be bi which is incredibly unhealthy.

    Also there is no bisexual look, I am bisexual and I don't fit the 'starter pack' I am still very much bi and therefore assume I look very much bi because all I can send off is bi vibes as you know, that's what I am.

    Stop focusing on looks and labels, stop caring what people think or assume you are and go live your life as a woman who likes woman, by doing what we do best, meeting women, falling in love with women and the else. The best way to look gay is to act gay, and to act gay you just have to be you.
     
  14. Tre

    Tre
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    I'm worried I'm not legit looking enough to other girls.
     
  15. Jackie Ray

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    Whats with this legit stuff? Are you MC Hammer?
     
  16. Jackie Ray

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    Are you concerned they will trash you as a counterfeit lesbo? They wont, queers come in all shapes, sizes, colors, cliques, and walks of life.
     
    #16 Jackie Ray, Dec 7, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2017
  17. Lexa

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    I agree with Jackie Ray. I wouldn't worry about appearance. Just be yourself.
     
  18. Kyrielles

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    I don't think I've ever told anyone this, but you're being way overly stereotypical of yourself. First off you call your haircut "pretty gay" what exactly is "pretty gay"? Referring to something as gay is common sentiment used by heterosexuals to either refer to what they have been brainwashed to believe represents someone as gay such as style, gestures, and in your case hair, or it's used to refer negatively to something, kinda like saying stupid.

    As for people seeing you as straight or bi, that shouldn't even be something on your mind, who cares how someone sees your sexuality? And if it is that much a concern maybe you should tell them you're gay, because obviously you're talking to them to tell them this if you've made it far enough with them to know that they think you're straight or bi. Not to mention there's nothing wrong with being straight or bi, you're way too overly concerned with that. And if you wanna go to extremes, brighten up your style to shout "HEY I'M GAY". With some rainbows and maybe a hat, those stereotypical people thinking you're straight or bi will immediately know, omg she's gay.

    And the last part. You're concerned your face make people see you as less legit. How can anyone be less legit at being gay? If you're gay, you're legit gay, if you're bi, you're legit bi, if you're straight you're legit straight, see the correlation? There's no body shape, style, voice, etc. that makes you legit. What makes you legit on your sexual preference is the truth, and that's whatever it is that you prefer mentally/visually/sexually, not your face.

    So if you're being serious about this you're definitely over analyzing, you're like defcon level 1 on that situation. You should just chill out about it, it's really not a big deal imo. Maybe try to find something more important to focus your time, thought, and brainpower on :slight_smile:
     
  19. Jackie Ray

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    I hope you are taking everything to heart, if you still aren't satisfied, go make a t-shirt that says lesbian in rainbow letters, that should do it, lol
    @Kyrielles is right.