Why do LGBT people call themselves queer?

I am very aware that some people do take offense at the word. And if someone is bothered by my usage of it I will respect that and not use it. I actually only use the word online when I am talking to other LGB people, I never use the word in common conversation because I realize it is so sensitive but I saw a lot of people on here seem to be okay with it so I do use it. I like it because I think it is a good catch all for all orientations or shades of orientations that are not straight. It's a word you can use that just says someone is not straight, or in my own personal interpretation, not really gay either, and it doesn't make assumption about someone's sexuality. Some people use gay as a catch all term for lesbians and bisexuals too, but I think that word is too tied to gay men and doesn't feel as inclusive as queer. Obviously, queer was used for a long time as a slur and that's why so many people are understandably upset by that, and I respect that. But other people like to use it because they see it as reclaiming a word that was once used to hurt them.

 

Hi @Destin!
It's true that the origins of the word are rather disrespectful, and I understand where you're coming from. However, I disagree. I don't live in an LGBT+ accepting country now, but where I'm from, queer has become a widely accepted term. I like to think of it the same way that the word "Yankee" became a symbol of pride for Americans despite being used as an insult.
For those who use the word 'queer' or identify with it, it also serves as an umbrella term. It's much simpler for some people to say "I'm queer" instead of going into details about their gender identity and/or or sexuality.

@Love4Ever makes a good point. It's true that while it's accepted by some, it's also hurtful to others. In those cases, it would be disrespectful to use that word. In general, I try to only use it when other people mention it first.

 

Eh, for the most part. So when we talk about LGBT activism its always important to know that not everyone has the same goal. Everyone wants to be free to be their own selves, but how we get there matter to a lot of people and there are a lot of different ways to do lgbt activism.

For me, I want to be accepted not because I'm normal but because I'm human. So I don't care if someone thinks what I do is disgusting, unnatural or against their religion as long as my rights are protected as a person. Now there are different views on how to get there and each has its valid points, but there are different schools of thought of how exactly to get there.

Words and their meaning change with time. The dictionary is constantly being updated on what different words mean based on the current culture, so with time Queer will also become one of those words that will simply change its meaning.

For example, you seem to be okay with the word gay to describe yourself, but the word itself has had very negative connotations for most of its existence when it comes to talking about sexuality. It was only until LGBT people started using it themselves and defining it for themselves that the perception changed.

The same thing will happen with the word Queer. A lot of lgbt from younger generations will know the word with a positive attitude. They will also find their own words to redefine and make their own. Queer did start with a more political meaning and that has started to be taken of the label more and more. The whole point is that even if we are sick, perverts and freaks we still deserve full protection under the law. We still deserve happiness, we deserve love and we deserve to not be killed simply because people are afraid. That's the point.

But yes, like @Love4Ever said, we should respect everyone's labels. I never use the word queer to refer to someone that finds it offensive, but I'm also not going to stop using it simply to make others more comfortable with giving me rights that I deserve.

 

That's interesting. Because I hate the way faggot sounds. I think it's an ugly sounding word. Queer to me, used positively of course, just means unique, or unusual.

 

I guess I don't see the difference? How is faggot a better or less insulting word?

 

Don't they mean the same thing? That the person in question is not straight?

 

Technically, that would be the case...although arguably only in the UK. Faggot is only defined as an offensive word for "male homosexual" by Merriam Webster. Dictionary.com lists faggot as a British variation of fagot.

That said...I hate faggot...mainly because all I hear is a word of hating insult.

 

I think it's also how the word sounds. It just sounds like you're spewing something nasty at someone. Meaning aside it's just not pleasant to hear.

 

Queer used to be a synonym for odd or unusual. And odd to me does not equal bad.

 

Yes. Historically, I didn't like the word gay used for gay people, simply because I mourned the loss of the old usage. I was well aware about the older usage because I grew up reading enough older books. (In elementary school, I did an oral book report on a Tom Swift book dating to 1920-something.)

I also didn't like "gay" because it was a common insult growing up (one boy calling another boy "gay").

But while I can't say I embrace the word 100%, I've come to prefer it over most other choices. I once went with homosexual (maybe 20 years ago), but I don't like that word now--it sounds so clinical (at best) and has been (in my mind) stolen by conservatives (who talk about "the homosexual agenda" or the "homosexual lifestyle").

Getting back to the older use of gay...I remember reading of the republication of a children's book series a few years ago. One of problems they faced was the question of how much "updating" to do. The editor appeared to be sensitive (based on something I read--maybe an interview), and didn't want to do like a total rewrite (which happened to the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew in the sixties), but it was desirable to have some things updated for modern readers. One word that was apparently a real problem was gay, which appeared in these mid-century books. I think I read that they selectively changed the word--like "you look so gay" became "you look so happy". But one place that used gaily was IIRC allowed to stay as is.

 

I don't tend to go for "queer" though I see the reasoning behind being for or against it. I think a lot of times maybe it is just easier to say queer than the LGBTQ+ acronym, which is becoming more and more of a mouthful. I tend to just use the term gay when I'm talking about anyone not straight, and trans* when I'm talking about anyone not cis. Then specify as the conversation goes on.

I actually had a conversation about the use of the word queer to describe the LGBT community. I was talking to my mother on the phone (she is very conservative and religious, generally unfamiliar with anything to do with the community). I was saying something and started to say the "queer community" but stopped myself and said "LGBT community" instead. When she asked why I changed the terminology mid-sentence, I explained that the word queer has a lot of history to it, and generally, I think it's better to be concise and respectful. While it is a word many in the community are trying to reclaim, I still wouldn't recommend referring to people as queer unless they self-identify with that label.

 

Well in the classic definition of the word, I am queer. I’m also bisexual, so I guess it applies. I don’t use it though

 

I guess it's kind of based about what image is brought to the person using or hearing the word. I'd never use the word Queer to describe someone because to me it means something unusual. For example "There's something queer going on with the weather."
Likewise I hate the word Faggot but not because of any insult behind it but because it reminds mean of the food Faggots which my dad use to cook and I can't stand so it makes me feel a bit sick when I use the word. In fact I once forgot on a certain Chat' site what it means and thought they were talking about the food when there was a conversation using the word. So I was accidently being offense to the host without realising.

On a personal level I would think I'd rather be called queer the faggot. Faggot I would take as an insult. I'd use Gay or Trans myself.

 

I don't have a problem with any of the words mentioned here. It's pretty difficult to offend me though. All those type of words are so common and have been absorbed into normal slang I don't see a point in getting upset over their usage.

For example a friend who recently moved away called me yesterday, and even though he knows I'm gay he still used the words faggot, queer, buttfucker, suck a dick, and gay (as a synonym for stupid) about 15 times in that one conversation just talking about normal things. He wasn't trying to insult me he's just so used to that slang he didn't think about it while saying things like "all these queers at the dog park won't pick up their dog's poop but get mad at me when I'm slow doing it, it's so gay, they can go suck a dick."

Ultimately they're just words and the intent of the person saying it is more important than the words they chose to use to me. If the intent isn't to offend, I have no problem with any words being used even though I wouldn't use them myself.

 

There was a thread here recently in which I had quite a lot of thoughts on reclamation, including the word 'queer' specifically.

I have a few other issues. One is that the word 'queer' is not politically benign or neutral, to the extent that anything can be. It is a term very much owned by radical (I do not mean this as a pejorative, just as a descriptor of politics which seeks to shift an intellectual paradigm) gender politics, the simplified central tenant of which is that there is an insurmountable otherness in 'queerness'. It derides descriptive terms like 'homosexual' or low-reclamation-value terms like 'gay',* and their associated political uses, as conducive to assimilation. As in the other thread, I really object to the derision of radicals that I'm 'assimilating' into my own religious, ethnic or national culture.

Another is that it's vague and is cherry-picked at any given point.

In one moment it's used (arguably fairly effectively) as a unifying theme, a common identity label of the otherisation that leads to sexual violence against lesbian women in South Africa, the murder of gay men in Chechnya and Islamic states' death penalties for male homosexuality, or the rejection from legal institutions and blatant violence transgender people face in just about all countries.

But then it's used to discuss asexuality and what are frankly very conceptually unhelpful sexual micro-identities (demisexual, pansexual). On top of that, male homosexuality is, in an overcorrection to its dominance in Western sexual minority rights movements, whitewashed out. Being gay is insufficiently radical and transformative to warrant discussion in its own right. It has to be attached to another intersectionality (eg. race, gender presentation) to be deemed transgressive enough to be a position of victimhood or oppression, to warrant really being 'queer'. And that language is ridiculous given the above examples of violence manifestly targeted toward male homosexuality exist globally.

And it's actually that global point I want to touch on. 'Queer' universalises US (and to a lesser extent, UK) politics and analyses the world through American social pathologies. Radical US racial and gender politics is prone to this (eg. calling Jews 'white' as if that means anything) and it often means we get caught in irrelevant dynamics of US gender relations when we're talking about things as barbaric, localised and self-evident as outright violence against gay men in the Islamic world, Africa, Central America and Russia. Queer stops being useful or inclusive - it becomes a conceptual mess and a fight for terminological ownership by different academic-political traditions.

I'm not a sociologist or gender theorist, so there are of course people smarter than me who are gender radicals who love the term queer. But they are also generally not the everyday champions of reclaiming the word so I don't think I'm strawmanning what is a frequent layperson's radical conceptual muddle.

*Gay is actually a somewhat reclaimed slur but its usage was always euphemistic. The term was used in the '20s and '30s to describe sexually liberal women and eventually transferred to homosexual men by the '50s. Funnily enough, the origin of the slur 'queer' exclusively referred to gay men.

 

I've never heard anyone actually use queer. I'd assume someone was meaning gay or lesbian. In the LGBT world, how is it used or what does it mean?