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why do I fear coming out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by EverDeer, Apr 2, 2018.

  1. EverDeer

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    my parents have said some pretty ignorant things involving LGBT people before in the past, but they are by no means bigoted or discriminatory people, they just have a track record for being dismissive, detached, and somewhat rude as general beings. Anytime they have said something offputting, they’re never offended or fight about being corrected and are typically interested enough to want to learn, like I said they just tend to be kind of off-putting people in general and like to debate too much and are sort of politically-incorrect in their personalities. I have other family members who are LGBT though they haven’t spoken much about this either.... basically, they’re totally accepting to this kind of thing they’re just not very personable people.

    I feel like I hold a lot of spite for interacting with them. This could also just be due to past abuse, and their tendency to be dismissive of my feelings in general, but part of me wonders if coming out would help this at all. I don’t necessarily want to, because it feels like just another thing that would probably just get mildly ignored and not affect how they treat me, however, knowing them, it also makes me think maybe they’d internally see it as “the reason” I’ve been so distant from them and it might make them want to change how they approach me (when in reality that’s not why, it’s just because of how they’re dismissive people).

    Another reason is because I’ve been dating a trans girl for about 4 months now and I’m wondering what will become of that. We’re long distance right now, so it doesn’t really matter right at the moment, and part of me fears if I do tell them they won’t take me seriously because it’s long distance, “out of sight, out of mind”, and they’ll probably think im too young to fully understand the implications and commitment needed in a long distance relationship and that it will just eventually end anyway for that reason. (I’m 21 btw)

    Anyway. Should I? I only really want to because I want them to respect my partners and I don’t want them to see it as just experimentation or a phase because I’ve been with guys and girls, etc. in the past too. Maybe it’ll open the doors to me explaining my gender as well, but honestly I have very low hopes about that one right now and I’m not thinking about it for awhile. (my dad accepts my binary trans friends but I know for a fact right now he’d feel the need to debate and argue me at every given opportunity about nonbinary issues as he loves joking about them)
     
  2. Mihael

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    Everyone fears coming out to their family. After all, people care about their families in one way or another.
     
  3. SkyWinter

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    I don't think you should out yourself to anyone who's not going to actually be supportive. Why would you do that? I see lots of people who think outing themselves is going to make them friends, or make their terrible parents not terrible. That's just not how it works. Don't tell anyone you think isn't going to respond positively.
     
    Limiteded and EverDeer like this.
  4. JaimeGaye

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    It's not the coming out you fear, it's the possible rejection.
    This is quite normal.
     
    faceup likes this.