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Why can't I get over the anxiety

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Questionsabound, Dec 9, 2016.

  1. Questionsabound

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    I live with physical anxiety on a daily basis to the point that I don't feel like I am living a normal life anymore. At the age of 33, I am obsessed with figuring out my sexuality. I don't understand why I can't just figure this out without being anxiety-ridden. I am married to a woman I am deeply in love with and we were on the brink of trying to have kids when, boom, I had a major anxiety attack about my sexuality. Several weeks later (with such debilitating anxiety and depression that, in the beginning, I could barely make it to work or would burst out crying in front of her), I felt I had no choice and I told her I am bi. I wouldn't say I am equally attracted to men and women but I have different types of attractions to both, but I question whether or not I am really gay and denying it. Every day I go back and forth on whether I can stay with her and have a kid and somehow go back to my old self; or do I leave her to rid myself of living in agony on a daily basis. My marriage was going great but it's issues within myself that I am dealing with. I am having an extremely difficult time just throwing that all away. My therapist is telling me not to rush into anything. It's been five months of constant anxiety and I am becoming worried about my long-term mental health.

    I'm a bit tired and out of it as I'm typing this...
     
  2. findingjoy

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    hi,
    I am not an expert but I would look into HOCD it is very possible that's what's going on with you. I would look to sources other than this board, particularly ones that deal with porn and sex addiction.

    I say this as someone who kept their sexuality repressed for years, and finally accepted myself as gay ( honestly I was hoping I had HOCD) so I don't have a dog in the fight.

    justaguyinsf wrote this in reply to another thread but I think the same applies here.
    Let's say you met a woman you were wildly attracted to and started fantasizing about - would you run off and have an affair? If so what's the point of marriage. Committing to someone and hopefully for you, to your children involves commitment, and resisting these temptations.

    Again, I am choosing to embrace my feelings for men, but I agree justaguyinsf here.
     
  3. dirtyshirt84

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    Questionsabound...I could be totally wrong here but could a lot of your anxiety be related to the prospect of having kids? Is having children something you definetly want? Do you maybe not feel ready for that yet? It's a huge life desicion and I just wondered about the timing of your questioning. Not to say that you might not be Bi or even gay...