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why am I so paranoid?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by bornthiswaybby, Jan 13, 2015.

  1. bornthiswaybby

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    I find with guys I'm always afraid that they're talking to other people or seeing other people or thinking about other people and I don't know why. It could be to do with the fact that I'm so insecure but I don't know :frowning2: It's upsetting.
     
  2. tiger11

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    I can relate to this. Although I am not yet in a real relationship I am talking to a guy and things are going real well, but I always have a fear that someone better will come along and easily replace me. I definitely think it is related to my own insecurity.

    Most of the time I just have to remind myself that I am probably overthinking everything is most likely just fine. I agree though, it is upsetting. :icon_sad:
     
  3. bornthiswaybby

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    I'm in the same situation though haha, I'm not in a real relationship. I'm hoping to work towards that though, but I just feel nervous I don't know.
     
  4. Sek

    Sek
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    It's perfectly okay to feel some kind of jealousy or anxiety, it shows that you love the person and want them to feel the same back. There's no greater feeling than having our doubts proven wrong when they reaffirm their feelings towards us. However, it helps to communicate with the person you're afraid to lose in some way. If you stay inside your own head worrying you can imagine up a whole situation that isn't true, so talk instead. :slight_smile:

    May I ask, do you feel like these fears are stopping you from dating?
     
  5. bornthiswaybby

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    I'm scared to communicate those feelings and then scare him away. The reason we aren't dating yet is because he likes to take his time before jumping into things. He's been out of the closet for years and has only been in one relationship (many people want him so that's not an issue)... I don't want to rush him. We've only really been talking for a month, so it's no big deal. But I would hope that it develops a little more by say, March. That's my deadline, which is when I'll discuss (if things are still going well) that I desire something more. For now, I'll wait until he feels ready. The jealousy / fear is horrible though.
     
  6. Sek

    Sek
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    "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" .. Don't hold back on communicating your feelings. If they bother someone that much then they don't care about you and they're a waste of time. Of course, you have the best knowledge of the situation so you are most aware of what might/might not work, and you're right - expecting them to be faithful to you if you aren't even in a relationship is a bad idea since it might come across as possessive or controlling.

    Again, you mentioned jealousy/fear. Do you think you're maybe unable to deal with rejection?
     
  7. bornthiswaybby

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    I know, but if all we did was hang out a few times I wouldn't expect him to be faithful. I don't even expect that honestly. I just really wish it was that way because I'm a jealous person and I feel like he could do so much better than me and if he realizes that he'll leave. I won't communicate my feelings because really, there's nothing to communicate other than the fact that I am a clingy, weird, confidence lacking freak. He recently called me "his baby" and when someone made reference to "boyfriend and girlfriend" he kind of referenced me as if we were a couple. We aren't labeled as a couple though. I'm so confused. I don't wanna rush him though so I'm just waiting for him to say something. I'm thinking maybe on Valentine's Day he'll say something. I hope. This guy is incredible and I would hate to lose such an amazing person in my life.