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Why am I gay? And why Now?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Stellardan, Aug 20, 2018.

  1. Stellardan

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    As I was just looking at pictures of sexy naked men it hit me as to why am I gay and why now? Why not when first wanting a girlfriend? Discovering I liked girls didn’t feel like getting hit by a ton of bricks. So why does this ?
     
  2. Angus44

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    Hey!
    I'm not sure I fully understand what you're asking here but I'll give it my best shot. In my personal experience, I have always had a very clear idea of what I wanted my future to look like. When I was younger I knew what it meant to be gay but it never crossed my mind that that could apply to me. So, at 15 when it very quickly became apparent to me that I was not straight, it felt like my vision for the future was shattered. Anyway, my point in all this is that, as males, it is the norm in society to be attracted only to women, and realizing that you differ from this norm, especially when that difference has a history like that of same-sex attraction, can, "feel like getting hit by a ton of bricks." I hope this helps!
    -Gus
     
  3. Danabutton

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    I think as I have gotten older that I have come to terms with the fluidity of sexuality...some argue that fluidity is more female whereas males tend to be fixed early on...I’m not sure I buy into that myself I was told by a clinician that whereas I identify as bi I always had a latent homosexual identity that has been more predominant as I have gotten older but I can emphathize with your situation ....I wish at times I would have acted on the opportunities to pursue this side of myself when I was younger but then again it was way more stigmatized when I was a teen as opposed to today
     
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  4. HardToSay

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    Why now? Better late than never, don't you think? :slight_smile:

    I agree with Danabutton: fluidity is tricky... Hard to explain, and understand. What I do understand that my fluidity is real, things have moved for me
     
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  5. Biguy45

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    I often wish I had recognized my bisexuality earlier and acted on it. I’m sure I missed out on a lot of fun, but I don’t have great impulse control. I’m sure I would have caused problems for myself. It’s for the best that I didn’t accept it til I was much older
     
  6. HardToSay

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    I definitely see what you are saying. I feel the same way, although I was told by literature and therapists that it was a phase, why should I label myself, certian feelings do not necessarily mean I attracted to men, etc. In the meantime time passed... Other people were involved and I feel guilty...:-(
     
  7. Danabutton

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    I agree...looking back I can see missed opportunities but I was naive and scared as well...I definitely am still coming to terms with this part of myself
     
  8. Danabutton

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    It can definitely muddy the waters when we are trying to figure ourselves out
     
  9. SevnButton

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    When I ask why now, and why not then, I think it's so that I'd be alive today. This feels really weird for me to say now, and I don't remember if I've ever told this to anyone. AIDS was first recognized when I was 23, I was right in the era to get swept up in the AIDS epidemic if I had swung more to the gay side. In fact, the one guy I had sex with got AIDS a short while after we were together. He was one of the early lucky ones who lived.

    =Sevn
     
  10. BiGoth1982

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    I am very sorry if you lost anyone to AIDS though. No one deserves that.
     
  11. SevnButton

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    Thanks @BiGoth1982. I didn't lose any I was close to, but one casual friend comes to mind. It's really strange to remember a time before the words "safe sex" were used. It does kind of freak me out now to think about how close I was to the epidemic.
     
  12. BiGoth1982

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    That time period is so heartbreaking.
    I actually got a blood transfusion as a baby when the epidemic was spreading. Up to this day, they won't agree to take my blood donations even though I am healthy and my blood type can be given to every type. *roll my eyes*
     
  13. SevnButton

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    Yeah, I thought that after some reasonable amount of time you'd be allowed to donate blood. A few years ago I went to donate blood at a blood drive at work and was reading the stuff I was required to sign. There was a line about male-to-male sexual activity that disqualified me, even though it had been like 20 years prior. The cool thing was that they had things set up so that it was really easy to step out of line without outing myself -- I don't think that was just a coincidence.
     
  14. BiGoth1982

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    I think it's ridiculous to refuse blood when they need it. I would hope that they test all the blood they receive. I don't know how those things work so I probably sound ignorant, but it's just as naive and ignorant to think a donor is safe just because they're straight... And really, anyone could lie about their orientation or activities. I just don't get it.
     
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