Why after all these years my sexuality has now “woken up” (intense feelings)?

I used to think this and that is what kept me from accepting myself, but then I started to think about it as an expression of romantic love-
When I was in denial and/or questioning, someone on EC asked me "who could I imagine coming home to, kissing and saying "I love you" ? I finally let myself imagine that, and it was a guy- and I was like 'WOW' this is what straight people feel like when they think about the opposite sex! More importantly, I realized I wanted to be with a man romantically and my desire for sex was really a desire to physically express that intimacy - when you think of it that way-- two people physically expressing their love for one another- it's pretty hard to feel bad about I still have a lot of 'shame' and external fear, but its more about 'what others might think' vs what I think.

 

Well, after the divorce, I got on a dating site and chose "men seeking men." That sort of cleared things up for me.

 

What I mean is, they had choices, and I had to stop denying what I was, even to myself.

 

I think out2019 expressed it best. When I finally accepted that not only did I want sexual relationship but a romantic one as well with another man did I experience that WOW moment. It felt to absolutely right to me. Years of buying into the bs of heteronormative programming caused me to be ashamed of loving another man in a physical and emotional manner. I wanted and needed to be with another man period. It took some time but I worked through that shame to come out on the other side a openly, proud gay man making no excuses for completely loving another man. For me eliminating the shame and embracing my homosexuality made me whole.

 

I think two people of any gender making love is a beautiful thing. It's about the connection of two people together in such an intimate way.

 

Shame also creates a lot of sexual 'confusion'. Another very powerful exercise is to imagine everyone you know is dead or, if you prefer you moved to an lgbtq city where you know no one. Would there any barriers to being gay? If you saw a cute person of the same sex and you hit it off.. would anything stop you from pursuing it? I know this is NOT reality -but it helps clarify what is outside shame and what your feelings are.

I realized when I removed all expectations, fears of being 'found out', 'roles' that I play, I realized I wanted to be gay and actually really felt good about it. It was the fear surrounding it that made be feel anxious.

 

Hi Sunbird, not a lot of advice from me yet but I know how you feel. I didn't fully accept my sexuality until I was in my 40s, before it always crept in and I tried to squelch it really fast. Once I admitted it to myself and accepted it I wanted to tell everyone but I decided in the end to tell new acquaintances and friends but leave things with most old friends, acquaintances and family alone unless someone asks. So my husband and child know as does one of my brothers and his wife, I've hinted it to my mother but no one else really knows about it. It's honestly not a subject that comes up all that much in regular conversation anyway, especially if you're in a heterosexual marriage.

I told my husband a few years back; he was the first person I told and it went well. I think it depends on your relationship with your husband and how comfortable you are discussing the issue with him. I also have a more or less sexless marriage, which is probably the reason I've been able to stay married for so long because I think otherwise it would be unbearable. He is asexual and I'm just not all that interested in guys sexually most of the time so we fit and have always been more friends and buddies than lovers anyway.