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Who was the first person you came out to?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ramsey1288, May 25, 2021.

  1. ramsey1288

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    I'm still a very much closeted lesbian, however I have been working with a therapist who is pushing me to tell one person my true sexual identity. My initial gut is my sister who is probably going to be one of my biggest cheerleaders during this time in my life.

    I am feeling excited/nervous to tell her, I'm a bit relieved to have it not be such a secret and I'm hoping she'll be by my side when I speak to my current spouse about this.

    I'm just curious to see how others did it!
     
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  2. QuietPeace

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    It was a coworker a little more than a year after I moved out of my parents, he was one of the most open-minded people that I knew. I told him that I had something important to discuss. We went out for tea and I told him. He helped me to find the therapist who helped me through the initial stages of transition. The people who I am related to by blood were the worst to come out to, I wish now that I had just wiped them out of my life all the way back then.
     
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  3. DecentOne

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    I came out to myself, through some initial therapy sessions (so technically maybe the therapist was first person other than myself, but I don’t count that). Then very quickly came out to my wife. I expressed my love and continued commitment to her, and how I was figuring out this shift to bisexual.

    Except maybe that wasn’t my first coming out, as I look back over my long life.

    In my teens I’d come out to my best friend, when he noticed I was looking at a few guys. One day at his house he asked if I liked guys, and I thought for a second and replied “I like people.” I felt good about that. But there was no category for that way back then, at least not in my circles. You were either straight, or you were gay. I liked girls, which meant I wasn’t gay, so I was straight for the next 4+ decades. I did straight really well, and was a LGBTQ ally.
     
  4. Unsure77

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    I initially came out to people I felt were low risk (either because I wasn’t super, super close with them or because I knew they were gay affirming) and who might have advice. So, the very first person I came out to was a Facebook friend who lives halfway across the country and who I knew was very progressive and likely gay affirming. And she’s grown to be a dear friend. Then I came out to a co-worker who has a lot of lgbt friends. Then a friend who is a therapist (because I thought she might have advice on finding a therapist). It was several months before I started telling my core group of friends. (One of whom I honestly think I let myself get pressured into telling too soon because they’re not very supportive and were kind of an ass about it initially). And I’m just now planning on telling my parents 2 years later. I’d tell people you know can help you or will at least support you first.
     
  5. Jakebusman

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    My best friends in High School
     
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  6. HM03

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    Yup. The very first person I came out to was a girl I was kinda friends in highschool. We weren't close, but I knew she was friends with other gay folks. We were never that close, and the second we didn't go to school together anymore we stopped talking. But I am grateful none of my vulnerable coming outs went badly :slight_smile:
     
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  7. I'm gay

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    The first person I ever came out to (well, sorta) was back in high school at age 17. I told my best friend "I think I might be gay." That was in 1985. Fast forward to 2016, I came out to the same guy, still my best friend, and this time I told him that I am gay.
     
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  8. PatrickUK

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    I can't precisely remember if it was my best friend or my sister. I know I told them both around the same time, but it was over 25 years ago.
     
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  9. LilLady9

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    The first person I came out to was my transgender sister who had already came out herself. Knowing she was transgender and out herself, I knew I could confine in her and tell her I was bisexual and get her advice, etc. She was obviously very supportive which was wonderful. I eventually came out to my brother who was also super supportive. As of now, these are the only two people I have came out to. However, I think my parents already have an idea I'm bisexual.
     
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  10. quebec

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    The first person I came out to was myself. It took years to finally accept that I am and always have been gay. That same night I came out here on Empty Closets and was welcomed by the wonderful people here. The first face-to--face experience was in the first session to the man who has been my therapist ever since that meeting. I always say that there were waterfalls of tears all three times...and that is not an exaggeration!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  11. LostInDaydreams

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    Not counting either my therapist or myself, it was a group of friends from university and I told them via email. Like you, I was in a long term heterosexual relationship, so I also told them about how my relationship wasn’t in a good place either.

    They were all really supportive. One didn’t reply for months because she didn’t know what to say, but that was more to do with my relationship than my sexuality.

    I picked them because I knew they would be accepting. They are also good friends, but we all live fairly far apart from each other so, as mentioned above, they felt like a “low risk” option given that I didn’t want my partner (now ex) to know anything.
     
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  12. WindyMom

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    i came out as being bisexual to a friend of mine who I am really close too. She was very understanding. I never told me dad as he has dementia. he is still himself a bit but I don't think he would understand at that point in his life.
     
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  13. caden0803

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    My parents a couple of months ago. It was scary, but it become less scary once they knew. They still support my decision to this today.
     
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  14. 17Wanderlust

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    First myself a few weeks ago after about 9+ years, and just today my therapist. Next will be my best friend who I know will be supportive but it is still nerve racking to open up and be vulnerable.
     
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  15. MWolf

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    My co worker in a close knit team. Was fast approaching 30 and he was the first friend I ever had become close enough too to just not want to lie to out of respect for our friendship. Knew he had supported a friend in school who came out, stood up against homophobia in our workplace and was treating the subject really progressively and sensitively with his young son.

    I was still nervous as hell telling him and was worried it might affect our friendship, however we our bond became closer, deeper and more honest. Just told him by text next time I worked with him there was something I really wanted to say to him that I had been carrying for many years. He actually text back and asked “Are you gay?” I changed the subject as I wanted to do it face to face.

    The next day I saw him we had a few minutes spare on a cigarette break and he asked me in person, I responded with “would it affect our friendship if I was?” He screwed his face up and spat out vehemently, “No!” And then said “so you are!” I raised my eyebrows and then we hugged! We went back to talking about what we did on our days off. I built that up for 18 years and it was no big deal. I confided in him a lot over the coming weeks (12hour night shifts together meant we had plenty of time to talk!)

    Within 3 months I was out to the rest of my work mates and big brother and within another 3 months out to my parents (the real biggy!) I got nothing but support and love, I wish I did it years ago as it’s only now I’m trying getting help with my: depression, anxiety, loneliness, lifetime of unrequited loves, alcohol dependence, suicidal thoughts etc It’s been rough but it’s good to know you’ve got friends, family and colleagues respecting you and having your back when your fighting your demons!
     
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  16. Robyn mac

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    My girlfriend had brought up the subject with me and we had a long conversation. She set me up on a date with another bi sexual man she knew well. We talked and I told him 1st . Came home and told her. Then next person I told was my next door neighbor who happened to be a close friends mother about 7 yrs. older than me. He reply was welcome to the club.
     
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  17. Imaskari

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    I just recently came out to my therapist. It just happened so fast. I wasn’t planning to. My session was close to ending and she extended my session by another 45 minutes to discuss it and she made me feel accepted and that it was ok to discuss with her. I currently don’t have the strength to discuss it with my family/friends though. Maybe someday.
     
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  18. SimplyJay

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    Other than myself, I haven't said anything to anyone.
    Though I think my sister & my mother both have some idea that I'm not straight.
     
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  19. Jo Hannah

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    Hi, I’m not sure I want to call it coming out exactly, I think I need to that with myself 1st.

    But I’ve discussed my thoughts and feelings with my therapist who knows everything, a close friend and my sister ( not all the details though).

    Last week I told an ex boyfriend some headlines, this I would say was closest to coming out as the conversation was “ I think i’m bisexual / lesbian”. “ I know i’m not straight” I chose him as he lives away from me and has no friends in common.

    I am very close to coming out to myself, deep down I know, but just letting it sit there for a while, there’s no need to rush for me at the moment.
     
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  20. out2019

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    That's a great approach! When you're ready, and it sounds like you're getting there, it's the most beautiful feeling I even experienced, to just finally accept that I was gay. Once I accepted that it felt so good, I no longer felt I needed to know every detail and answer every doubt- it no longer mattered as much because I was in the right place.

    I was frightened and in denial and shaking with fear (literally my fingers trembled on the keyboard when I types "I might be gay" here!) on the other side of that fear was a feeling of freedom and happiness.

    I haven't come out to everyone yet- some people I just don't feel the need, but friends I have come out to - I just feel so much more free and alive and real.

    Another tip - you might want to try talking to an online group or lgbt center- I realized around other people I felt no shame or fear about saying I was gay, it just felt right. I realized then it wasn't about my own doubts but about what others might think.
     
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