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Where to start

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Katelyn93, Mar 10, 2021.

  1. Katelyn93

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    Heya,

    So I tend to try and take on too much at a time or look at too big a picture or step rather than break it down and then end up getting flustered and freaking out, wnd thus I thought I'd ask for help.

    I want to start socially transitioning while I sort out some financial hurdles keeping me from hormones etc at the moment. Work being the last place for the time being, I'll get comfortable and see if I can get in hormones first before I get to that one.

    I have fairly broad shoulders and a big belly. I'm kinda hairy and shaving takes up so much time and grows back to quick that it does little other than annoy me. My hair is long and I have some clothing but as I solely travel by motorcycle I can't really wear the dresses and skirts I've purchased. And I'm kinda scared I think, if I have to be honest.

    In totality I suppose I feel like my body isn't ready for this. I'll procrastinate with maybe I should do facial hair removal first and lose weight and get more clothing (not that I even know where to begin shopping for biker chick) or get on hormones first or or or.

    I'm here did you start?
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    The first thing I did after I realized that I had to live as a woman was to come out to one person that I was pretty sure I could trust. From there I entered therapy with someone who specialized in gender issues.

    The next major step was to start hormones after the therapist decided that I was ready. By this time I was dressing in private and out to a few friends. I moved on to presenting female all of the time except at work. I then got ID as my true self using a letter from my therapist and then started taking a college class. About this time I also started electrolysis (laser hair removal did not exist then).

    The final big step was to come out at work using a letter from my therapist. My workplace was supportive.

    A few things. If you try hair removal without hormones you body will be fighting it the whole way, in fact until at least an orchiectomy (removal of testes) the body will keep trying to replace the hair.

    For body hair removal during the process I used an epilator, it hurts amazingly but it works and regrowth is slower than shaving or other methods. After years on hormones now I just let my body hair grow, I do not even shave my legs or underarms and it barely shows.

    For the travel, could you trade the motorcycle for a moped? It would allow for skirts and dresses and presents a more feminine image.
     
  3. Katelyn93

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    I'll add a car but I am a biker at heart. It's one of the few things that still gives me pleasure in life. Luckily its only a matter of time Till I can afford a car too, a cheapy I can use for prettier outfits etc. I don't mind not having the most ladylike image but I don't know how to dress for a bike ride. I don't even mind not wearing dresses and skirts so often, most girls do jeans and tops I see. I'm having some body shape and clothing choices challanges.

    My new romantic partner waxed my face the other day and it lasted a little over a week before the first hair came through compared to the usual one day stubble if I'm lucky. So I might do that with the rest of the hair too.

    I'm out to a load of people. I've dressed to the gay bar around the corner twice and at home but I can dress relatively freely without concern of whether or not it worked in these situations due to it being a safe space. General public I want to feel more confident that I don't dress like a two year old let loose in their cupboard for the first time. Or wear the same stuff three days in a row. And to avoid buying too much I need to figure out what would work. But I suppose once hormones do their job more things will look good as well so maybe I am putting the cart before the horse.

    Did you go for voice coaching or made an effort at changing your voice?

    Laser isn't always affective. I tried it thinking its bigger patches but after wasting money for months it did nothing. I'll do electrolysis when I can.
     
  4. QuietPeace

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    My voice was never very deep, I have never had to work on it. It was more about allowing myself to talk naturally and in a more feminine pattern, letting the real me which I had been stuffing down so long shine through. Men tend to speak in a monotone while women are more expressive (generally there are of course variances).

    The facial hair removal took years and I spent tens of thousands of dollars on it. Others that I have known more recently used laser to get the bulk of it and electrolysis is always needed to finalize it. Sorry that it does not work for you as laser is a lot cheaper when it works.
     
  5. Katelyn93

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    That I've heard. Just my luck. This all seems like it took you forever to get from accepting yourself to living full time. Where did you get the patience?

    I will have to find and use some voice tutorials however, my voice is yuk. Don't want a barbie voice but this is not going to do at all.

    When you started presenting full time in public, how long were you already on hormones if I may ask?
     
  6. QuietPeace

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    Well I guess if you count that I knew who I was at 3 then yes it took over 20 years, most of that was just a fight to exist and sometimes I even gave that up but I did survive. If you count from when I decided that I had to do it then it was only about 9 months which is pretty fast compared to many. Even with that I had setbacks with an abusive relationship shoving me back into the closet and then conversion therapy doing it again for over a decade. To be open about it during the closeted years I did give up several times but again I survived.

    For the first transition I started presenting full time outside of work right about at the time I started hormones. I went full time at work about 3 months after I started hormones. I was fortunate in that I started passing very quickly as my testosterone levels were never very high. Part of the wait to present at work was due to the time it took to get my ID and a letter from my therapist to give to my boss at work.
     
  7. Katelyn93

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    Oh wow. That is quite the time period. You've had a long road. So you were 23 when you started transitioning? Or was that before conversion therapy?

    After all this time, do you still have doubt ever?
     
  8. QuietPeace

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    I was 23 when I first transitioned. At 25 I ended up in an abusive relationship which caused me to detransition. I got out a year later and retransitioned only to be put through conversion therapy a year later. In 2006 at 43 I restarted and in 2007 I legally changed my name and I have stayed with it since then. I have zero regrets or doubts about living as a woman though I do have regrets about the detransition times and about many of my relationships.
     
  9. Katelyn93

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    Holy damn. That's quite heavy. I'm sorry. You're an inspiration though. To not stop due to age and things. I get what you know about the relationship though. Thank you for sharing.