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Where to begin...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by GeoTrekker, Aug 23, 2020.

  1. GeoTrekker

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    Another fear of mine is forever being known by coworkers and others in the community as "that gay guy". I'm still the same person I've always been.
     
  2. GeoTrekker

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    Thanks for the kind words, Obsidian. Yes, EC does feel like a virtual family to me as well. For me, knowing I wasn't alone helped me get through some very dark days.
     
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  3. Contented

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    Geo the more you write it seems clear you are more gay than bi. Several times you mentioned you wouldn’t miss intimacy with a woman if it disappeared. That is very telling. You also envision a future with a male partner again this seems to remove any real doubt from my perspective. I felt and feel exactly the same as you and I knew I was nothing but gay and needed to be free to live my authentic life. Keep moving forward.
     
  4. Bastion

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    I understand and your are not alone. I went through it believe it or not. I heard worse. and still sometimes hear some stupid remarks from ignorants. I got really mad sometimes. But then I just realized. It’s not worth my time. The more you care and get worked up about it. The more you increase the fire’s flames. Just ignore it or you can say calmly. « I hope it makes you feel better ». Don’t let the fear consume you. Just own whatever and whoever you want to be.

    I find that talking and sharing stuff here for me has been very therapeutic. All the members and moderators here are welcoming and helpful.
     
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  5. Caraldo

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    @GeoTrekker I certainly know that this is tough. I knew my truth as did my wife by the time I was 30 and we kicked along for a number of reasons for another 15+ years. It’s time to discuss this further with your wife. She has a right to have all available information to decide on her future. I think as someone stated already l, it really appears that you are much more turned towards homosexuality as opposed to being bi/pan/queer, and IMO, homosexual people are not being fair holding onto a straight marriage with out all the cards being out on the table.
     
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  6. GeoTrekker

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    It sounds like we are at very similar stages in our journey. While my wife does know I'm not straight, she doesn't know just how not straight I am. I'm also trying not to get too caught up in labels, but thinking of myself as bisexual never really sat well with me. Deep down I knew my attraction to men was much stronger, but the mind tries playing all kinds of tricks on you, especially when the stakes are so high.

    For me, recently coming to terms with being gay was a load off my shoulders. There are many reasons that I know I'm truly gay, but the biggest one echoes exactly what you said in your post. If I was never with a woman again in my life, I don't think I'd miss it. I've never been intimate with a guy, and the thought of never getting to experience that is sad to me as well.

    How close are you to having "the talk" with your wife?
     
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  7. GeoTrekker

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    One of the issues I worked through in therapy was forgiving myself for questioning my sexually in my mid 30s. I was really hard on myself for not knowing who I was. I understand now that for a number of reasons I wasn't ready to come to terms with my sexuality at an earlier age.

    If I knew then what I know now, would I have gotten married to my wife? Of course not. But, that marriage has been filled with a lot of wonderful moments and produced two awesome boys. I'm so thankful for all of that.
     
  8. maybgayguy

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    Yep...Similar stages for sure. I feel I am gay as well but I want to explore that option. I am not going to cheat so that is my struggle.

    I am working with a therapist on coming out. I am hoping to do so in the next 3-4 weeks. But I have been here before and backed down.
     
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  9. GeoTrekker

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    Thanks, Bastion.

    I definitely feel like I'm fully embracing being a gay man. For a long time I struggled with the thought of being gay and how that would change me. I don't necessarily fit the gay stereotype, so the idea that I would become something different was a real worry for me. I now realize that gay people come in all forms. Not only that, but if given the chance to be heterosexual, I would pass. I love who I am and who I was meant to be -- I've come a long way.
     
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  10. GeoTrekker

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    You're absolutely right. I can't keep this secret from her. It's up to both of us to figure this out together. I need some time to process things, but the conversation will be coming.
     
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