Hello EC, Longtime listener, first time caller here. First off, thank you to all of the posters on this site for building up my strength and courage. Your posts helped me to understand that I'm not alone and that knowledge helped me get through some truly dark days. My story is very similar to many on this site. I married a woman at a young age knowing deep down that I had an attraction to men. She was someone I enjoyed spending time with and felt a strong connection with. Over time, as we started dating, I grew to love her. For both religious and family reasons I completely emotionally separated from my gay self to be the person I felt I was supposed to be. After marriage I would occasionally look at gay porn as an outlet and then would be filled with self loathing afterward. Even so, I managed to fool myself into believing that it was a phase and as time went along my gay desires would face away. A couple years ago, after 14 years of marriage, I went into a deep depression. Prior to that, I would occasionally have short bouts of sadness, but overall I was pretty happy. This depression scared me. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to eat, I was completely numb. I told myself I needed to look deep within to figure out what was going on. That's when I finally admitted to myself that I was either bisexual or gay. A short time later I came out to my wife as bisexual. I was so scared but she was amazingly accepting. In many ways that was a blessing, but in other ways that made things so much harder. How do I come to terms with who I am, knowing it could be the end to a good marriage? While we do have our differences, we are very compatible and she is a wonderful mother to our two boys. Fast forward two years and after much soul searching and going through all the stages of grief, I am finally at peace with who I am -- who I was supposed to be. I am gay. This does not make me a bad person. This does not diminish the love I have for my wife or my children, nor does it change my roles and responsibilities as a father. I have not shared this with my wife. In so many ways I already have more than I need or deserve, yet at times I feel so empty. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster and don't know what to do. Thinking about an uncertain future can be so overwhelming and scary, but I know I'm going to be okay. I'm posting this for two reasons: first, I could really use some support and encouragement as I continue to assess my life, and second, to hopefully help someone else who may be in a similar situation. You are not alone, you are a good person, you are loved, you didn't mean to hurt anyone, and you also deserve happiness.