Step 1, I stopped and took the time to become certain that I am a man who likes men. After I became confident it was true, I started feeling an anxiety about keeping it secret, obsessive thoughts constantly pressing to NOT talk about it. So, step 2, I told some people. One by one, I assured that I could talk about it with any of my close friends without surprising anyone, and it really helped me to shrug off a lot of the closet stress. What's step 3? I've become a little unsure of where my end goal is for this. Am I done? Is this exactly what I wanted, and now I've arrived and it's time for celebration? I still get anxious about letting people know. Is that just how it'll be forever, or does it mean I could be more comfortable if I were "more out"? I've thought it over, and I really don't want to change myself to recognized as gay at first encounter. I don't want to take it that far because that's not an honest representation of myself. But should I still want to be more public than I am? I feel like I started a race without a clear idea of where the finish line is. Thoughts?
Hmm.. Well straight people don't go around telling everyone 'and by the way I'm straight', either. So, I guess it's important (for most people) that atleast their family and friends know and perhaps their coworkers. But other then that.. Must everyone know? Maybe you can leave it at well if the topic comes up or someone asks you, you tell, and otherwise, who cares?
I would say the goal would be to arrive at a place where you truly don't censor yourself. I don't "look gay" (most gay guys I know don't) so it sometimes takes people by surprise but they get over it. I don't know if I assume people know or if I just genuinely don't care if people know--it amounts to the same thing. Once you really stop censoring yourself it does come up. No, straight people don't wander around telling people that they are straight but they tell you about it in ways subtle and not so subtle all the time. Once, pursuant to a discussion on this board, I kept track of when my coworkers "came out" as straight. I actually kept a post it note on my desk and made little tick marks. I got over 50 before lunch and gave up when I realized if I kept doing this I wouldn't get any actual work done. As far as the whole tell people when they ask thing, I've been out for well over twenty years and no one's ever asked. Just be you, all of you and word will get out just fine.
That's an interesting thought with the post it note. I'm not sure I can honestly say I don't still care who knows, I think that may be a worthy goal.
