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When you can't afford to live separately

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Fuzzy, Apr 19, 2019.

  1. Fuzzy

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    Is there anyone here who couldn't afford to live separately following a split? What sort of solutions did you come up with?
     
  2. L8bloomer

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    Not me but a friend of mine who is divorcing her husband (she’s straight, he’s just a jerk, lol). They don’t have much money so they’re still living together, but sleeping separately. They have kids, so she is in the bottom bunk of her one son’s bunk beds. It’s not ideal, and it’s very frustrating for her. It would be easier if they got along better. The kids seem happy though. Good luck!!
     
  3. LostInDaydreams

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    Depends what you mean by ‘can’t afford it’...do you mean it would result in some lifestyle changes that you’d rather avoid? Or that one person in the relationship couldn’t support themselves and children? Or something else?

    So, for me, my partner pretty much owns everything, has decent savings, but I have never been able to build up my own savings, partly due to him, but that’s another issue. There are schemes here to support people like me, such as low cost loans to provide a rental deposit, etc. and benefits to subsidise income, child maintenance, etc. Our lifestyle won’t be the same, but I figure it has to be better than it is now. It took a lot of badgering and phone calls on my part to get the information and forms for these things, and we’ve had children's services involved, which had helped to speed things along slightly.

    Another option, which I haven’t ruled out for myself, is one person moving back in with parents temporarily (or another family member/friend), until they get back on their feet.

    I guess going from a two income house to two separate single income houses will alway mean there will less disposable income and lifestyle changes, but if you’re will to live with that, I think it’s possible in most cases.
     
    #3 LostInDaydreams, Apr 20, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2019
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  4. Fuzzy

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    We are a single income household. That single income isn't enough to stretch to support two households. We do not live close enough to parents for that to be an option and have co-parenting be successful. There aren't really rental options around here.
     
  5. LostInDaydreams

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    We were when I first started questioning - I career trained. It took years, but depending on your circumstances, it doesn’t need to. Now, my partner isn’t working and my job is temporary, but I’m still going through with it. I spent years waiting for the right moment, saying it wasn’t financially viable, and it got me miserable to the point of not wanting to wake up the next day, and now despite being a single income household, I’m leaving anyway. I know it seems impossible - it felt like that to me for years, which is why I never took any steps to leave - but you’ll survive because you have to.

    Where does the income come from? You or your husband? If it’s you, start looking at employment and childcare options.

    If you really want it, then it can be done. Only three months ago, I couldn’t see how it was going to work for me financially. You’ll have to make sacrifices, yes, but it can be done.

    Are there any advice services that you could talk to?
     
  6. Fuzzy

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    It's my income. What's an "advice service?"

    Edit: Just googled "advice services." Is that a UK thing/term?
     
    #6 Fuzzy, Apr 20, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2019
  7. LostInDaydreams

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    We have Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB), they offer free advice on all sorts of things legal, financial, support/benefits available, etc.

    Do you have anything similar? Or a charity that offers a similar service? They might not have all the answers, but it’s a good place to start.

    If it’s your income, and you want to leave, and your husband is an adult...isn’t it up to him to sort that out? Or am I missing something? Does he do all the childcare?
     
    #7 LostInDaydreams, Apr 20, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2019
  8. Fuzzy

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    I am not aware of something similar.

    I could technically just leave, but there are kids involved who need their dad and yes, when I'm at work, he's with the kids. We do not currently pay for child care.
     
    #8 Fuzzy, Apr 20, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2019
  9. LostInDaydreams

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    I’m not suggesting you just leave, but if you start making plans, he’ll have to apply for jobs himself - you can’t do that for him. As long as you give a reasonable amount of time for him get on his feet, then I think you could just leave.

    Would you share childcare 50:50? Or would he see them more, as he looks after them now? Perhaps a talk with a solicitor would be a good idea? Would you need to pay support to him? Do you jointly own your house?