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When to make a profile on a dating/friendship site

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Fuzzy, Jul 27, 2020.

  1. Fuzzy

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    So I want to make a profile on a dating/friendship site to meet local lesbians to befriend. If I do that though, I need to make a public profile. After divorce and still being in the closet, should I come out first? Should I make the profile and just accept that friends, family, and work related people may stumble across it? Should I wait a certain number of months post divorce? What is your personal opinion or experience?

    (Note: Name of site removed by moderator)
     
    #1 Fuzzy, Jul 27, 2020
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2020
  2. Really

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    Question. How many of your friends and/or family are on that site? And, if they are and stumble across your profile, which I’m assuming says you’re a woman looking for a woman, surely only another woman looking for a woman would actually see it. And in that case, you could have an ally in this. Yes?

    I’m guessing though that nobody you know will find you there. I don’t see any reason you can’t start looking now if you feel like it. So... if you’re up for it, go for it! :}
     
  3. Chip

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    Honestly, this happens not uncommonly... people are wandering around a friendship/dating site and see someone and are "Oh! I didn't know s/he was gay". And usually that's about it. I wouldn't worry about it.
     
  4. Bouldghirl

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    As you are at the stage of wanting to meet other lesbians then you will have to make that profile. I’m inclined to agree with @Really in that you may actually find an ally that you hadn’t considered. This in itself makes the option a worthwhile one for me. Go for it and good luck.
     
  5. LostInDaydreams

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    Just to add something not already mentioned...some sites give the option of hiding your profile, which is usually a service you have to pay/subscribe to have access to, but it is an option. So, your profile can only be seen by people that you like/friend, which has its advantages and disadvantages.

    I had similar concerns, so this is what I did initially, and it’s also helpful if you don’t want to be found for other reasons, like if you teach older teenagers, as an example.
     
  6. silverhalo

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    Hey of course if your profile is public there is a risk but firstly anyone on the site is probably also gay and whilst that isnt a guarantee that they wont out you, most gay people wont. The other thing is, there is no rule that says you have to come out before you date, lots of people do but either way is fine.
     
  7. Fuzzy

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    I decided to pay for an incognito profile. My profile is only visible if I initiate the interaction.
     
  8. LostInDaydreams

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    Hopefully you’ll make some new connections. :slight_smile:

    I found this a comfortable way to start on dating/friendship sites and then made my profile visable when I was ready.